Narration

Transcript

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John Krasinski. Hello, all Greetings from the biggest and greatest show on Earth. I know a number of you have been curious about what it's like over here, so we're gonna take a small mental voyage. First off, we're going to prepare our living area, go to your vacuum, open the canister and poured all over you your bed, clothing and your personal effects. Now rolling it until it's in your eyes. Nose, ears, hair Well, you get bigger. You know, it's just perfect when you slap your chest and cough from the dust clouds kicked up. And no, there is no escape. Trust me, you just get used to it. I've been at the beach for a week now, and I can't find the ocean. Just the sand. Now grab a flashlight and attach it to your clothing as we must, because every 20 to 30 minutes power goes off for a while. There will be no apparent reason for this loss, except it will always happen during but not limited to three key times. One shift change to a meal. Three. Any time you can't get to your flashlight. Okay, Pitch a tent in your driveway and mark often area inside it along one wall, about six feet by eight feet, including your bed. Pack everything you need to live for four months without Walmart and move in. Tear down the three walls of your tent seen from the street, and you have about just as much privacy as I am first. Holyhead is. If you really want to make this accurate, bring in a kennel full of pugs. The smell loud, grunting and snoring will be just like living with my nine techniques. Time for hygiene. Walk to the nearest bathroom. In my case, it's a 1000 foot trudge over loose gravel. I don't really feel like talking about the latrine experience. All I have to say is that after the first time, I went back to the tent and felt like either crying or lighting myself on fire to remove the filthy thief. Breakfast. Chow was great First day. Okay, the 2nd 3rd and fourth with decreasing levels of enthusiasm until I realized it's the same thing every day for breakfast, French toast, bacon, hash browns and scrambled eggs. You could break it up with different juices or maybe some fruit, but after a week it's already becoming depressing. We'll see how long I go before I start blending into a pile and using a straw person variety. You don't remember that after breakfast, we make our way to the deuce. Yes, votes a really honest to God picture in the dictionary under Army truck Deuce and 1/2 all our vehicles were used in the first Gulf War. They thrashed all the way across Kuwait in Iraq, then were driven back to Kuwait and store in a field. 12 years later, they were dusted off, fueled up and used to assault all the way into Iraq again, This is not a vehicle treated gently by us riding in it. It's just pure heaven. The site of the 12 of us in our battle rattle, red faced and watery eyed from the biting wind, stinking exhaust howling happily over the noise makes me want to crank up Wagner's Flight of the Valkyries. We look like born again, hard as gung ho mo fo's. Yet we're just jet mechanics on assorted office workers. We fully realize that this is probably the closest we will ever get to being in the military would be joined to do in Iraq is just something that I know I'll never forget This'd what Iraq is like way company Now I am love part