Darci: Destiny weapon promo (Satire)
Description
Vocal Characteristics
Language
EnglishVoice Age
Young Adult (18-35)Accents
North American (General)Transcript
Note: Transcripts are generated using speech recognition software and may contain errors.
Are you a bad sniper? Through the mystic powers of Hush and KJ Hobie, we asked all researchers to develop a long range weapon, the likes of which the solar system has never seen. A sniper rifle that could transform Stevie Wonder into the angel of death. Their answer to us was Darcy, a weapon platform that instantaneously assesses nearby threats. Does complex trajectory calculations, then determines the optimum flight path to maximize your efficiency. Additionally, much like the super good advice of old are scientists made Dawsey sentence, making it a living weapon and the most intelligent and sophisticated piece of hardware to date. They probably explain that Dawsey stands for data analysis, reconnaissance cooperative intelligence device. I then explained to this pack of **** wits that Dawsey should have stood for do adequate research. Next time, you cautious imbecile They were immediately sacked and put out on their *** is for not thinking big enough. Their replacement suggested that we incorporate the most advanced AI available. Artificial life exists because of the travelers influence its population. The traveler is my father. While I admired this young man's ambition, this of course, was a ******* horrible idea. So he was replaced with sweeper. But due to a lack of viable candidates, I was forced to continue orangey myself and decided, Why not use the most advanced artificial intelligence in the known universe? Risk were taken. Zero ***** were given. Combining Darcy with Vex harpy resulted in a truly living weapon with smart targeting. Smart Amos is smart bullet, smart *** comments and cosmetics guarantee to be 300 times more powerful than Viagra. Throw everything you think you know about Darcy out the window. The speed with which Darcy passes hot lead through it can only be compared to consuming half a kilogram of chicken tikka and an accuracy that can only be compared to a golden age Nike factory in Beijing. I'll bet you're wondering. Wasn't choosing red on red optics of bad idea for visual acuity. Urban ******* legend. Because everyone knows anything. Red works better than something that is unready. Darcy doesn't even need a wants your help anymore. Darcy is a lie vis ****. Trying to aim Dawsey only reduces its accuracy. Your soft girl hands can only slow down Dassey's thirst for devastation. Darcy is not content to wait in the wings for a target. This murder machine wants to look your enemies in the eye as the lightened that fades away. Optimum range range does not concern Dawsey. It has transcended your mortal understanding of physics. Darcy is in control now. You're only duty is to be the organic pack mule you truly are and convey Darcy to its next appointment with Slaughter as a bonus feature in Crucible competition, Dawsey can quickly be stored in your inventory to free of space for something like the might, a multi tool. That's innovation no one else provides for you. Using a vexes simulator weapon can lead to headaches, insomnia, mild vomiting, euphoria, hallucinations, nightmares, sudden limb loss and or replacement salty aftertaste reminiscent of the seat time space displacement, explosive diarrhea, erectile dysfunction, prolonged erections Lady would suddenly have in your entire life force convert into an energy shield and dandruff get yours. While supplies last