Synthoceps item review (Satire)
Description
Vocal Characteristics
Language
EnglishVoice Age
Young Adult (18-35)Accents
North American (General)Transcript
Note: Transcripts are generated using speech recognition software and may contain errors.
What if everything you've ever wanted was taken away? What would you do? Would you be content to be a shell of your former glory Adapt? How far would you go? Would you travel the darkest corners of strange new worlds? Brave dangers that defy your wildest nightmares. Don't answer guardian for you. Do not have to. I have already taken that journey for you. Could you abandon your subclass? Could you discard the tools that have comforted you in your darkest hours? Would you be willing to give your living flesh over to a primordial symbiotic organism whose sole purpose for existence is to impart upon you preternatural strength? What if you suddenly realized everything you've ever wanted? What's toe punch **** in the face? Four. In the beginning, the Synthes EPS simply restored confidence in my diminished masculinity. However, as time went on, I found myself changing. No longer was I content to exchange fire with scout rifles. I had to get closer. Pulse rifles gave way to side arms and submachine guns. My tactics became primal. I took to the air when I realized that these cocktails so meat hooks allowed me to throw my hands with such force that by fish could propel me 7.4 meters, allowing me to ***** slap flatfooted peasants. No longer did I fear the Warlocks jet. I ******** for I am the ********. Now 23 enemies at a time we're now welcomed as the Silent Star Award stopped enough of drilling to my veins to in pregnant and ah hum Kara, My body hair became glorious. I am no longer burden with your dependence on ammunition and reloading because my beautiful gorilla hands never run out of bullets. But do not let my display of pugilism seduce you into taking my wayward path. My dreams are now filled only with fixations of donkey punching falcon punching the wet sound of a grown man swallowing his own tongue after being blasted in the face by a dark vein ridden a pendants that could make men dingo burst into tears with male inadequacy. Beware fellow titans. These gauntlets of onslaught have given me an insatiable thirst for fisting with no regard for life, human or otherwise. My capacity for discrimination has become non existent. The leviathan means nothing to me now. Your war is not my concern. My heart only longs for the sting of battle in the crucible and the adulation of the dreary, hopeless masses. The delicious sound of bone liquefying as some hunter is fed his last hope. I am now the host of the disco dance parties. This is my house, you poor, delusional bastards! Fun off! Are you not entertained? Is this not why you are here? But in my soul, I know that I have become incorrigible. Heed my words, son Breakers Grasp your hammers firmly for these, Simeon. A crucial mints offer you nothing but pain and self deprecation. Sentinels! Stay true to your doom! Fang polled Ren's Sachio on Danos her away with your Captain Cosmodrome Shields for walls do not care about such trepidations. Following my path will lead you into madness. And to you, my striker Brethren, we shall never again know the sweet sound of instant airborne death Log Power sleeve BK spleen Do not let me lead you into temptation. Learn from my calamitous journey Much like Ickarus, I have flown too close to the sun and I have been burned by my avaricious Never again will I know the joy of panic fisting the wind racing past my ears and the euphoria of dune marches. And now only a specter in my memory. The simple pleasures of masturbation forever lost. No amount of lotion can subdue the power of these Herculean clutches. Damn these iron hands of mine! My entire existence has been reduced to blueberry stopping and genital chafing by the light of the traveler and the sacred horn of Lord shacks. I implore you do not use the center saps worth it. Bush gotta take it in the face, Texas.