Job #2829

Job Posting Details

Job # 2829 Superpretzel

Posted Date
Jan 30, 2007 @ 18:28
Respond By
Jan 31, 2007
Word Count
Age Range

Job Description

About Us:

Blissium Motion Graphics is a full service motion design studio. We offer a wide variety of services, and we have the capability to meet and project needs, creatively and technologically.

We have 26 web videos that we are producing. Sample lines and character descriptions have been included here but the full script is in pdf. We are working on a tight deadline so we need audition reads as soon as possible. One person can read more than one character if they are capable. This project is for web-only, non-broadcast.

A NOTE ON THE VOICES: Some are almost normal speaking voices. Some are over the top, but mostly, the voices are just quirky enough to be engaging and funny. The voices never get in the way of the character or the script. Lastly, if you didn’t see the cartoon, if you could only hear the voices, you would still be able to follow the story. Because the voices are the characters. The very sound of the voice should make us laugh.

The campaign as a whole is designed to look like a very low-budget affair. The pretzels are real, not animated. They move a little stiffly. We’ve found that this sort of authenticity resonates very well with our target audience of 13-17 year olds (mostly male). Giving them the expected ceases to entertain and engage them. On the contrary, to do the expected, even with voice characterizations, is to sell to them.

That said, the characters should be broad and a little over the top to start with. Use pop culture as a guide and go from there.

ACTION SNACKTION: Character: Action Snacktion believes pretzels should be eaten with chocolate. Thinks he’s really an action movie star and has only become a SuperPretzeler as a way of getting to Hollywood.

Voice: The easy answer (possibly too easy) is somewhere between Samuel L. Jackson and Mr. T. Something like Eddie Murphy in the first two Beverly Hills Cop movies or Tracy Morgan is not off-base either. Fast talking, sympathetic.

Sample Lines:

ACTION SNACKTION: All time is chocolate time. Did you call my agent? Because my agent didn’t tell me I was going to get microphones stuck in my face during chocolate time.

DOUBLEDECKER BROS.: Characters: Dirk and Nigel, aka, the DoubleDecker Brothers, are from the UK and believe all pretzels should be eaten two at a time, stuck together with peanut butter or whatever else you like.

Voices: English rock star accents. Nigel Tufnel and David St. Hubbins from This is Spinal Tap is better than Austin Powers. Other examples that would do well would be Malcolm McDowell in A Clockwork Orange; a less drunk Gary Oldman as Sid Vicious in Sid and Nancy; the guy who performs as The Streets (a UK hip-hop act) has a naturally hilarious delivery. Avoid Beatle-esque voices.

REPORTER/PAPARAZZI: Character: Merely a man’s voice. Not a character at all.

Voice: As normal as possible. He’s there to prompt talking pretzels, so he doesn’t have to do anything but play it straight.

Sample Lines:

REPORTER: How do you feel about fighting two girls in the semi-finals?

DIRK: I’m all a-quiver, mate.

NIGEL: If I had boots I’d be shaking in them.


DIRK: ‘Course not. Birds can’t fight, can they?

NIGEL: Well, actually, that one from Manchester . . .

DIRK: Just because she was stronger and faster than me . . . anyway we’ve got a strategy.

CINNAMON & SUGAR: Characters: Cinnamon & Sugar are rich girls from Beverly Hills. They believe you should only eat pretzels with cinnamon and sugar. They got into some legal trouble and were forced to take a job because their parents were going to kick them out.

Voices: The characters are vaguely based on Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie, but they sound smarter than that. Valley Girl is good, but it should not be dumb blonde or ditzy.

Sample Lines:

REPORTER: The DoubleDecker Brothers say girls can’t fight.

CINNAMON: Whatever.

SUGAR: Why are boys so stupid?

CINNAMON: That Wasabi guy is kind of smart.

SUGAR: Yeah. I mean, seriously, all these boys are fighting about toppings.

REPORTER: Who’s a bigger threat? El Salsador or the Bavarian?

CINNAMON: Salsa’s totally yummy.

SUGAR: Yeah but ew, the Bavarian? He’s like all old and stuff.

CINNAMON: I don’t want to fight an old person. That’s not hot.

REPORTER: What are you going to do after the competition is over?

SUGAR: Beats me.

CINNAMON: Probably something boring.

THE BAVARIAN: Character: An older, authorial type, the Bavarian is a combination of Dolph Lundgren in Rocky IV and Arnold Schwarzenegger. Believes the right way to eat a pretzel is “plain and pure.” Hates all “these kids today” with all their dipping in substances like cheese, etc.

Voice: “Plain and Pure” is his catchphrase as is “I must bake you.” Obviously this character is somewhat stock with Arnold and Dolph providing the main reference points. But even so, the voice can be any variation on German/Eastern European.

Sample Lines:

REPORTER: You made the DoubleDecker Brothers sick.

BAVARIAN: Zat is ze best news I’ve heard all day.

REPORTER: Cinnamon and Sugar say you’re too old.

BAVARIAN: Ze substances have warped zeir minds.

REPORTER: Wasabi says all the pretzels should just get along no matter what they’re topped with.

BAVARIAN: Again with ze substances. Is worse than cheesing.

REPORTER: Speaking of which, Action Snacktion alleges there’s cheesing in professional SuperPretzeling.

BAVARIAN: If he is not filled with cheese, he is filled with lies.

WASABI: Character: Wasabi grew up farming the great wasabi fields of Nagano Prefecture, Japan. Believes in the Wasabi Way which says that all snacks should be treated equally and should get a long no matter what they are dipped in (even if it isn’t wasabi). The moral center of this universe we are creating.

Voice: Calm, Zen-like. Bruce Lee’s natural speaking voice is a good reference point. Strong. Confident. Somewhat disdainful of those who practice violence (as SuperPretzelers do) to get their point across.

Sample Lines:

REPORTER: So who’s going to win?

ALL: Yelling and screaming over each other. Wasabi breaks through the argument:

WASABI: Silence! (Pause.)

Each of you has already lost.

I have failed to teach the Wasabi Way. I must now abandon the path so that I may kick the living salt out of each of you.

SUPER CAPT. CHS. WIZ.: Character: Super Captain Cheese Wizard is a nerdy collector type. Believes he has super Cheese Wiz powers when he and a jar of Cheez Wiz were left overnight in a faulty microwave oven.

Voice: This is one place where the voice can probably be over the top. Nerd voices are funny all by themselves: Dexter and Mandark, both from Dexter’s Laboratory, as is Comic Book Guy from the Simpsons. None of these should be the voice, but that should be the direction.

SSCW’S MOM: Character: Super Captain Cheese Wizard’s Mom is not much of a character. SSCW lives with his mom and as such she has a few lines.

Voice: She should sound like a little bit of a nag, but not mean. Normal voice is key because she’ll be played against one of the more strangely-voiced characters.

Sample Lines:

SSCW’S MOM: Off-screen:

Todd, I found this under your bed.

SSCW: That’s not mine, mom. I swear! Stay out of my room!

My story begins when I was left overnight in a faulty microwave next to a jar of Cheez Wiz. The radioactive emissions and cheese fumes gave me uncalculated powers.

SSCW’s MOM: Todd, who are you talking to?

SSCW: Nobody, mom!

Thus was Super Captain Cheese Wizard born! But they laughed. Laughed and called me mad.

As he is talking, cut to various shots of the other SuperPretzlers hanging on his wall.

But who’s mad now? Who shall have the last laugh? (Maniacal laughter)

Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! It shall be I!

BIG PIZZA: Character: Big Pizza is from Brooklyn. A math teacher at PS 112. Always says things in math problems like “Sauce plus cheese equals Big Pizza.”

Voice: Not a Brooklyn accent and not an Italian accent. He’s more like Will Ferrell in that he goes from calm to hilariously crazy in a heartbeat. His voice should be normal but his character only has two speeds: “on” and “even more on.”

Sample Lines:

REPORTER: Off screen:

Are you ready for . . .

BIG PIZZA: Lesson one! Sauce plus cheese equals Big Pizza.

The problem draws out on the board and at the end there is a little picture of Big Pizza. Then he starts again more calmly:

Next problem: Sauce plus cheese multiplied by a big moustache and an even bigger rolling pin equals so much hurt that it should come with anesthetic.

The problem draws out on the board and at the end there is a picture of someone with their mouth open and a big needle of Novocain being injected.

REPORTER: So cheese and sauce . . .

BIG PIZZA: No! Talking! During! Class!

Then more calmly:

The square root of pizza equals Brooklyn.

REPORTER: You’re a math teacher?

BIG PIZZA: Yes. At PS 112. Your assignment: eat a SuperPretzel with cheese and sauce and stop asking questions.

EL SALSADOR: Character: El Salsador is really Mike McDougal, a junior accountant from Chicago. He hated his boring office job and was in love with the girl in the next cube but couldn’t talk to her. He became El Salsador the to solve both problems. Believes in salsa.

Voice: A fake, but not insulting, accent of some kind. Not necessarily a fake Spanish accent (and not Nacho Libre), but something that sounds romantically European but somewhat off beat.

KATRIN: Character: El Salsador’s girlfriend. She works in the cube next to him. She knows it’s actually Mike McDougal, despite any surprise she might show. She’s as bored with her life as El Salsador and so is along for the SuperPretzeler ride.

Voice: Tina Fey. Sorry to be so simplistic about it.

Sample Lines:

SUPER: Co-starring Cathy Miller as Katrin

EL SALSADOR: But she didn’t even know I was alive. Because I was a boring loser. I needed something spicy. I needed . . . SALSA!

EL SALSADOR: People started noticing me. I got a raise and a promotion. And I threw it all away for the two things I love, SuperPretzeling and Katrin.

KATRIN: Oh my g-- . . . Mike?

EL SALSADOR: Yeah, it’s me.

KATRIN: I kind of always knew it was you.

EL SALSADOR: But you never noticed me at work. You didn’t even know I was alive. Do you love me?

KATRIN: . . . yes!

EL SALSADOR: Then there’s only one thing left to say. SALSA! I quit!

MUSTARD MIKE: Character: Mustard Mike is the ringside announcer. He used to be a SuperPretzeler back in the old days.

Voice: Somewhere between Michael Buffer and Brent Musburger. Should be hyping things when necessary, at other times he casts a world-weary eye on things.

Sample Lines:

SUPER: SuperPretzel 2007
King of the Ring

MUSTARD MIKE: Over the shot of the ring: And now, let’s get TWISSSSSTEEEEEEED!

WASABI: I shall give you all one last chance.

ACTION SNACKTION: It’s chocolate time, horseradish boy.

MUSTARD MIKE: Look at the little green guy go!

POTATO CHIPS: Character: A one-shot voice that harasses Cinnamon & Sugar.

Voice: Mean, taunting. Not high-pitched.

Sample Line:

POTATO CHIPS: Off screen:

Hey Sugar, where do you and Cinnamon get your makeup, in the baking aisle at the supermarket?

SUGAR: Stupid potato chips!

FORMER PRETZELER: Character: Just a former SuperPretzeler, has no backstory. Its existence is sort of a joke on its own.

Voice: Nervous. Muffled in the way that witness protection voices are muffled or disguised.

Sample Line:

FORMER PRETZELER: I landed a blow and I saw cheese. Maybe he had an accent. Maybe he didn’t. That’s all I’m saying.

AGENT SALTSWORTHY: Character: Turns out Mustard Mike was Agent Saltsworthy—Dirk and Nigel’s supposedly dead father—all along.

Voice: Fatherly. Somewhere between Sean Connery and Michael Caine.

Sample Lines
MUSTARD MIKE: Takes off his mask to reveal that he is Agent Saltsworthy:

‘Ello boys.

DIRK: Dad?

NIGEL: Is that you?

AGENT SALTSWORTHY: Course it is. This is a commercial. It’s got to have a happy ending doesn’t it?

BAVARIAN: But I crushed you.

AGENT SALTSWORTHY: That was my robot double.

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