$wamped

Job #3256

Job Posting Details

Job # 3256 $wamped

Posted Date
Mar 31, 2007 @ 16:22
Respond By
Jun 15, 2007
Word Count
0
Budget
$250 - $500
Language
English (North American)
Gender
Both
Age Range
-
Category
Cartoons

Job Description

Episode 1

SATURDAY’S RENDEVOUS

LIZ AND FROG MAKE THEIR WAY DOWN TO NICKEL AND DIME”S WATER FOUNTAIN. LIZ THROWS A QUARTER INTO THE FOUNTAIN.

Frog: You’ll never guess what some clients do to make it big, Liz...Liz, wait! That was a quarter you threw in there!

SPLASH, FROG JUMPS IN TO RETRIEVE THE MONEY AND COMES WALKING OUT.

As I was saying, with some of our clients, we can’t help but get involved with their profit making schemes.

Liz: You mean a C.P.A. risking it all for a client. I don’t believe you, give me an example.

Frog: Well, the entrepreneur Maker Moss and Mousse Mouse from Nickel & Dime Bank tried a textbook maneuver that backfired on them. You see, Moss dialed Mousse...

Mousse: Hello, Mousse Mouse here?

Maker: Mousse, its Maker Moss, how are you today?

Mousse: I guess I can’t complain.

Maker: Mousse, you know that I have been a customer at the bank for a long time now and I have been known to exert some influence from time to time.

Mousse: Why yes Moss, you have.

Maker: I have come to find out that one does not need their own money to become rich.

Mousse: That’s absolutely right Moss, that’s why were here. What kind of idea did you have in mind?

Maker: Well, I was talking to my Financial Planner, Nussbaum Fly Trap the other day and I demanded that he find me a way to become rich, otherwise I would not pay him one more red cent.

Mousse: You demanded results, very astute Moss.

Maker: So, he came up with a sure fire way to do it with no money down, using 100% leverage to purchase distressed businesses.

Mousse: Um, distressed businesses, exactly how much are we talking about here Moss?

Maker: 25 mill!

Mousse Oh, is that all? Let me just pull out my billfold. Just kidding, we’ll get right on it. We know your credit is outstanding here at the bank.

Maker: Great! Tell me what I gotta do!

Mousse: Why don’t you get those companies audited while I start on the loan agreement?

Frog: So then Moss decides to dial Bill Spider.

Liz: You mean your new boss, “billable” Bill Spider?

Frog: Ya, he’s not as bad as what you might have heard. He is a key man at our firm and in charge of new client development and he’s done a lot in his short time here. Due to Bill’s leg work, all eight of them if I might add, the firm has been building up a large web of top-shelf clientele. Originally, he made a name for himself in the accounting industry by creatively, and consistently coming up with unique solutions for businesses and their problems.

Liz: I know, he’s a rainmaker!

Frog: That’s right, Liz.

Liz: Wow! You speak well of him, but he sounds like an ogre. Tell me more about Maker Moss.

Frog: Well, the first thing Moss did was call our office. Our secretary took the call...

Little Sweet Betsy: Bill, I have Maker Moss on line 5.

Bill: Thanks, Betsy, go ahead send him through.

Maker: Bill Spider, how ya doing? Didn’t I tell you that I’d bring you work one day other than my fat W-2? Well, that day has arrived. You are looking at the soon to be owner of a conglomerate of businesses.

Bill: One dozen, ey. The books are scrambled, I surmise.

Maker: Um, maybe. That’s why I need you to do some audits. Go ahead, crunch the numbers, I got in cheap.

Bill: Audits for Nickel & Dime Bank, I suppose. How much did you borrow?

Maker: Let’s just say that I’m in at a 45 degree angle. Now I can be part of the noveau riche.

Bill: You’re only going to be rich on paper Moss. All that leverage could actually ruin your reputation if things go belly up.

Maker: Bill, you know as well as I that if you want to be rich, you have to try! Besides since I’m not putting out anything, there’s no risk!

Bill: Your credit will be ruined and so will your C.E.O. job at Cube Office Equipment. You’re telling me that’s not a risk?

Maker: Well gee, thanks for your support, Bill.

Frog: Then, to say the least, there was a big change of events...

Maker: Betsy, I need to talk to Bill, right away!

Little Sweet Betsy: Sure thing Mr. Moss

Bill: Bill here!

Maker: Bill! What’s going on? I’ve only lost a little money and Mousse Mouse has called out his Field Examiner, Freddie Mac Flea. They’re going to repossess all of my business assets. Now my credit is going to be ruined and I’ll probably get fired from my job. Do something Bill!

Bill: Moss, I told you this would happen. Have you paid our bill at least?

Maker: Um, no I couldn’t. I’ve been too strapped for cash lately.

Bill: Sorry, I guess I can’t help you then. It’s been nice doing business with you Moss. Good day!

Frog: Cold reality slapped Moss right in the face. So get this, six months later Bill was walking right off of Hedge Street on his way to work when he spotted Maker Moss bundled up in a dirty blanket with his head poking out of a cardboard box, cup of change in his hand with a shopping cart by his side.

Liz: Oh my Gosh!

Frog: Yeah, apparently Maker had been collecting aluminum cans.

Bill: Moss, my God is that you Moss? You look pathetic!

Maker: Hey don’t knock it, I had to stave off three other bums for this cardboard.

Bill: Moss, here’s a fin, go get a hot meal for crying out loud. Don’t worry Moss, this is Burn, you’ll bounce back!

Frog: I guess that’s life in the big city, ey Liz? But I’ll tell you one thing; I hope my fate is not similar to Maker Moss’s. I’ve paid my dues.

Liz: No offense Froggie, but you’re still only Staff at Ima Leech & Company.

Frog: I know, the only recognition I get is recording debits and credits. But you know, living in Burn has made me realize that I was bred to count bread. I am a budding pillar of society, whereas Burn is notoriously twisted and treacherous. Like the city’s name “Burn” would imply; the scorching sun can bake you in a moment; a person would greet you with a smart elleck remark or; on occasion, you can get stiffed on a bill.
Corporate profits motivate everything here. Everywhere, it’s push-and-shove. People pick, poke and prod at each other to no ends. In a typical business meeting, either a deal is struck or someone becomes part of a five course meal. Brownie points, backstabbing and getting tangled up in red tape are all part of the game.

Liz: Froggie, I didn’t just fall out of a tree. I’ve been called sheltered but, things aren’t that vicious, are they?

Frog: Oh yes they are Liz! And that’s not all, the proliferation of strip mines leaves the land scared yet businessmen only care about making it to the local strip show. Its emissions create global warming.

Liz: Strip shows Froggie?

Frog: Sure, it’s part of Burn’s corporate culture. Culture of the big wigs, at least. Few employees have rights under the oppressive corporate management styles. Insurance or personal days of any kind are virtually non-existent. Employees are encouraged to compete with each other so they wouldn’t unionize against the “stinking rich” corporate executives. A promise of exotic jet planes, lavish dinner parties and off-shore bank accounts sure got my attention.

Liz: They sure don’t teach you that in Business 101!

Frog: Liz, you must be wondering why I’m telling you the naked truth?

Liz: Is it because you want to see me naked?


Frog: Well, um no Liz. I know I can help make a difference somewhere.

Liz: But Froggie, you don’t strike me as being influential.

Frog: Gee, thanks Liz. Look at it my way though. From my blue plaid sports coat, can’t you tell that I am a conformist, a stereotypical heavy-set, cheap, good with math, accountant? Besides reading the financial section of the newspaper, I have no life. I’m a wannabe just like everyone else in this God forsaken city.

Liz: What do you mean, Froggie?

Frog: My problems all started the minute I set foot into my first job. Coming from a top notch university I was told that I was the cream of the crop, and would surely be headed for the fast-track, but that wasn’t the case.

Liz: You mean they lied to you?

Frog: Well, kind of. Bad training and low pay kept me shopping. I hopped around from firm to firm, looking to land that “dream job” but instead found my profession littered with quick-thinking crooks, shady businessmen and back-alley swindlers.
So, again I pounded the pavement, or swam until I found a job posting in an obscure section of the newspaper that intrigued me. Their name was Ima Leech & Company. Boasting the wealthiest client list in Burn, I was led to believe they were the premier accounting firm in Burn but, I still found myself stagnating in the mire and getting “short-changed” with my beloved accounting career.
My first year there, I was thrown to the wolves where I was expected to survive by ordeal. My training consisted of Peggy “pink slips” Buttercup from Personnel showing me where the supply cabinet was and my seat, which was so old and beaten, it smelled of decay. I was expected to exist in a vacuum, without social interaction. If I didn’t catch on that first tax season, I would have been kicked to the curb.

Liz: But you survived. That’s more than a lot of people can say.

Frog: I know, I've worked long and hard. I thought for sure that I would make my way out of the trenches when a promotion was announced a while back. Unfortunately, I lost it to one of my unscrupulous co-workers.

Liz: That sucks Froggie!

Frog: What really “made waves” with me was, I know that it was only because this person could gossip better than me. I guess the big wigs figured I was still green.

Liz: If that’s the case you still look green to me Froggie.

Frog: I mean as in fresh out of the water. But listen, I owed a ton in student loans, so I was under pressure to move up the corporate ladder, quick! After losing out, my chances of success were about equal to being hit by a random lightning bolt.

Liz: Bummer!

Frog: So, beaten down, I still kept hope alive as our firm was growing by leaps and bounds. Before it was all over, this odd city would whip up something that changed my life forever. It all started with an amazing discovery.


THE SHOT PANS FORWARD INTO THE THICK SWAMP CANOPY. PIG LOOKING AT MAP COUNTING HIS STEPS


Porkchop: “Now... 40 paces left... 30 paces right, then, according to this Sunken Foot, Inc. Treasure Map, you shall see pie?”

Frog: Snorting as he repeatedly jabs the map against his snout to better read it. He wiped his brow.

Porkchop: I’m sure sweating up a storm.

THUNDER/CRASH!

Frog: He had come to the end of his search. There he stood, ferns, some twice his height, grew about like clusters of shrubs. Cypress trees, thin and emaciated, obscured the sky with their leaves. Under his feet, granite mounds had long fallen victim to the adventurous algae and monopolizing mosses. Around him, the chirping of insects fed the whooping of birds. Off in the distance, he could hear the rushing winds of the Everlasting Hurricane. Unaware of his present danger, he naively asked himself,

Porkchop: “Gee! Does this mean strawberry pie, or 3.14 pi?”

Frog: Double-checking the map, he set out on his course. To the left, then, to the right, he looked down and around,

Porkchop: “What pie? Oh well!”

Frog: He hiked up his dirty khakis. He set down beside him, his explorer’s hat and began digging. Astonishingly, he had maneuvered himself all the way out to the edge of the mysterious Forbidden Big Bush. His anticipation increased with each dig until at last he scraped metal. By this time, the storm brought winds that picked up speed. The rain clouds rolled in as he pulled the treasure from the hole.

Porkchop: “The map was right! I have to start eating more of that fruity cereal, they give such good prizes! Finder’s keepers! But what pie was the map referring to? Ha, Ha, I sure got a piece of it!”

Frog: No larger than a volleyball, the treasure glowed through the mud caked upon its side. According to the map, the sphere’s name was Eagle Eye. With the exception of a small gold patch, every millimeter of the bauble glittered from a large gem of exorbitant value. Rubies, sapphires, emeralds and diamonds! Wondering why a section lay without gems, he twisted it about to expose a flip-up latch. Curious, he pressed it and out popped a miniature computer looking apparatus.

Porkchop: Gee, I hope that just because I finished in 1st Place at the Burn County Fair, that they don’t miss me at the photo shoot.

Frog: He had uncovered one of the rarest finds in archeological history. This piece of craftsmanship was a virtual super computer, a visionary fortunetelling machine that could help forge new corporate frontiers or, if in the wrong hands, could wreak economic havoc.

Liz: Sounds powerful.

Frog: As the rushing winds from the Everlasting Hurricane picked up, the pig, fearing for his safety, quickly took his find down to the Burn Pawn Shop, but not before accidentally activating the laser fingerprint scanner. This peripheral device was Eagle Eye’s way of attaching itself to its single-user. They were now virtually inseparable.

Liz: He took it to the pawn shop. Is this some kinda stupid joke Froggie?

Frog: No, not at all. Figuratively speaking, the sphere was burning a hole in his pocket. There were so many “wants” he needed, especially cash to go an “pig out,” on. He thought he would be pulling a fast one, hustling his prize for five-hundred dollars, when in fact a fast one was being pulled on him by the shrewd pawnbroker. I guess you could say it was a ham hock.

Ira Egret: “What an irresponsible idiot, doesn’t he realize that if word gets out about Eagle Eye it could easily arouse the cut-throat and savage creatures of Burn to start to scramble for profit making opportunities. Everyone knows they’ll stop at nothing to gain a competitive advantage for their businesses.”
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