Break Up Service

Job #4205

Job Posting Details

Job # 4205 Break Up Service

Posted Date
Jul 16, 2007 @ 15:52
Respond By
Jul 19, 2007
Word Count
English (North American)
Age Range

Job Description

The Rejection Hotline people are back! This time, we're breaking up with people.

[Looking for a BITCHY sounding voice. If you've never actually been called a bitch in real life, please don't apply! :) ]


•Ok, listen up. I’m the “Breakup Bitch” and I’m breaking up with you on behalf of the person whose phone number is showing up on your Caller I.D. right now.
[pause] …on behalf of the person who gave you this number. [pause] …on behalf of the person sending you this message.

•Don’t get pissed at ME; I’m just doing my job. Anyway, here’s the message they asked me to deliver: [clear throat] [read with attitude and sound annoyed] We need to break up.
[pause] I’m sorry but this just isn’t working out. I just don’t think you’re the one for me. I’m sorry if this comes as a shock or a disappointment, but it’s for the best. I’ll miss you and I wish you all the best in the future. Have a good life.
[pause] I’m “the Breakup Bitch” and you’ve just been broken up with.
[pause] Ok, fine, I met someone else who’s much more attractive than you.
[pause] Do I get points for honesty?

•We’re breaking up. But I swear, it’s not you… it’s ME. Don’t take it too hard. This is not your fault. It’s completely my fault.
[pause] Well, maybe it was a LITTLE bit you … but MOSTLY me. Either way, I wish you all the best in the future. I’m sorry it ended this way, but… ok, fine, I might as well be honest, it was all YOUR FAULT! [angry] Our relationship sucked, you made me miserable, and I couldn’t stand it anymore so I hired the Breakup Bitch to take care of it for me.
[pause] I just can’t fake it anymore. I can’t pretend I like being with you when the reality is that you annoy the crap out of me, I want to vomit every time I think of you, and I’d rather suffer a papercut to the eyeball than spend one more day with you. It’s Over. Done. Finished. Forever. Buh-bye. Nice knowin’ you.

•Our engagement is over and I want the ring back!
[pause] Our engagement is over and I’m keeping the ring!
[pause] Our marriage is over!
[pause] Our “friends-with-benefits” arrangement is over. No more booty calls for you.

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