This is a Prologue from an Audio book that I worked on
English (North American)
Middle Aged (35-54)
Note: Transcripts are generated using speech recognition software and may contain errors.
part one prologue today. If I don't eat or put gas in my car call. My mom won't make a difference if I were someone important or if my life had any sort of direction. And yes, it might matter. But I am not. Anyone important in my life has absolutely no meaning. However, all the things I do today will mean everything to my friends and family. They will analyze every reason. Every move I make, even thinking back several weeks, maybe even months or years. Nobody just wakes up and says, Today is a good day to kill myself. Some people, maybe even you are thinking, Yes, actually, people do that they must. Or why else would that be the day they did it? But you are missing the one word in my statement that matters mopes just so let me say it again. Nobody just wakes up and says, Today is a good day to kill myself. See, that makes all the difference because it's not that I woke up and decided to do it today. At first it was, I felt, I don't know, inferior. It seems like everything in my life goes wrong. I'm not smart or have a great personality. I look in the mirror and I know I don't fit in. So one day something bad happens as it tends to in my life. And, well, I think everyone would be better off if I weren't here. Not that I would have done anything about it then because I went out. But that is the door. It adds an option to the list of options that I can store away to help me solve my problems. So I lived through every problem with that option. I could have done better in school. My parents wouldn't fight so much or I could run away and they wouldn't have to worry about my grades anymore, or I could just kill myself to be done. But you see it now, so my options grow smaller over time. See, I can't do better in school because I've tried. I'm no good at anything. I tried sports but ended up showing myself that I'm even more of a disappointment in life. At one point, I was so angry that I would fight anyone and everyone I could find to fight back. I don't even feel that anymore. School's over and I'm bad at life in general now. I can't run away because where would I go? And if I did get somewhere. But then when I get off the bus in a strange city, Try to make a new start, but end up blowing some guy in the Alley for $10 to eat because no one will hire me. I wouldn't do that. They'd have to kill me first. So there's one option left. Do it myself. But then I struggle that option off because truth is, I don't really want to die. I want my life to be better. I want to be better. I just don't see any other option. So I live every day knowing my options are dwindling, and I'm not good for anything until one day. I know the day has come the day I wake up and know that I have no other option. Today is the day I kill myself. Love Carter