Oneo
Description
Vocal Characteristics
Language
EnglishVoice Age
Young Adult (18-35)Accents
North American (General)Transcript
Note: Transcripts are generated using speech recognition software and may contain errors.
Chapter one, March 29, Today I die part one on the morning of norman stag night. I just wasn't in the mood to entertain something fake, especially now that I knew that K and I were filler friends. I was hoping tonight would get canceled. I couldn't get over the fact that I had opened my heart to norman only to discover how he had just been using us as his backdrop. He'd said we were his family and all the time he'd been lying. I wasn't in the right headspace to meditate, but I promise K. That I would try one last time. This would be the fifth time in my life. I had given up on myself on all four previous attempts as I laid down on Kay's bed with my eyes closed. I tried to start my breath work, but nothing was working. I began to get so frustrated with myself. I couldn't get norman out of my head. I kept playing imaginative scenarios over and over again about what I would say to him. I even had responses to his ******** answers like before I gave up pretty much before he even started frustrated. I got up to go to the kitchen to make myself a cup of coffee and check my emails. But I remembered I hated checking my emails. The thought of opening them filled me with dread. I regularly half closed my eyes while giving the new emails a quick scan, hoping that nothing terrifying was there. I was so ******* disappointed with myself for giving up so quickly. I walked into the bathroom and stood directly in front of the mirror, hoping to confront myself and even not I couldn't do, I didn't want to see my reflection staring back at me with disappointment in my eyes for giving up. ****! What is wrong with me for ****'s sake, Cornelius! Come on! I kept shouting at myself while banging and slapping my hands against my head and face. I want to die, I don't want to live anymore. I slumped to the floor, leaning back against the vanity cabinet, crying into my hands. I was in so much pain, I curled up on the floor wanting it to be all over After about 15 minutes of crying until nothing was left in me. I managed to pull myself off the floor and walk back towards the kitchen. But the voice in my head continued giving me hateful messages. I desperately needed it to stop. As I walked past the refrigerator, my inner voice convinced me to smash my head against the refrigerator door until the pain and negative chatter stopped. I stood there facing the door and holding onto the sides. I took a big deep breath, close my eyes and leaned my head back all of a sudden I heard Zelda and link simultaneously me, allowing loudly I opened my eyes to find them sitting in front of the refrigerator. I thought I can't do this, not in front of my little for babies so I picked them both up and place them into their castillo, something K had designed and built. It was their own secure private outdoor space. We lived on such a busy road where so many cats had been killed that we both decided Zelda and Link would be house cats. The thought of them being outside was terrifying to us. Then I walked back to the refrigerator, place both hands on the same spot, closed my eyes, leaned back and **** me. They were both sitting in front of the fridge again, me allowing simultaneously. I look down at them and said, you know what? Since you're not going to let me do this, what do you want from me? Zelda race down the hallway and sat me yelling outside Kay's bedroom. I glanced toward her in disbelief, thinking what the **** you want me to meditate now. I've seen it all. So I walked back towards K's room, laid back down on her bed and started my breathing exercises. I was so impatient. I just made them up on the spot