Intro to Chapter 1 of Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda
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It's a weirdly subtle conversation. I almost don't notice. I'm being blackmailed. We're sitting and metal folding chairs backstage, and Martin Addison says, I read your email. What I look at earlier in the library, Not on purpose. Obviously, you read my email. Well, I use the computer right after you, he says. And when I typed in Gmail, it pulled up your account. You probably should have logged out. I stare at him. Dumbfounded. He taps his foot against the leg of his chair. So what's the point of the fake name? He asks? Well, I'd say the point of the fake name was to keep people like Martin Addison from knowing my secret identity. So I guess that worked out brilliantly. I guess he must have seen me sitting at the computer, and I guess I'm a monumental idiot. He actually smiles. Anyway, I thought it might interest you that my brother is ***. Um, not really. He looks at me. What are you trying to say? I asked. Nothing. Looks beer. I don't have a problem with it. It's just not that big of a deal, except it's on a little bit of a disaster, actually, or possibly an epic **** storm of a disaster, depending on whether Martin can keep his mouth shut. This is really awkward, Martin says. I don't even know how to reply anyway, he says. It's pretty obvious that you don't want people to know. I mean, I guess I don't accept the whole coming out thing Doesn't really scare me. I don't think it scares me. It's a giant holy box of awkwardness, and I won't pretend I'm looking forward to it. But it probably wanted to be the end of the world, not for me. The problem is, I don't know what it would mean for Blue if Martin were to tell anyone. The thing about Blue is that he's kind of a private person, the kind of person who wouldn't forget to log out of his email, the kind of person who might never forgive me for being some totally careless. So I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't know what it would mean for us for believing in me, but I seriously can't believe I'm having this conversation with Martin Addison. Of all the people who kind of logged into Gmail after me. You have to understand that it never would have used the library computers in the first place, except they block a wireless here. And it was one of those days where I couldn't wait until I was home on my laptop. I mean, I couldn't even wait to check it on my phone in the parking lot because I had written Blue for my secret account this morning, and it was sort of an important email.