Missed Connections
Description
Vocal Characteristics
Language
EnglishVoice Age
Middle Aged (35-54)Accents
North American (General)Transcript
Note: Transcripts are generated using speech recognition software and may contain errors.
I was the meuse of several amazing clothing designers in boston. I was the right size and shape for their garments and I felt like a doll when they dressed me, I'd get a charge and bring their close to life, ripping every runaway I stepped my feet on with grace and poise and when they moved, I followed to places like Connecticut, new york philadelphia up and down the east coast doing things. I never imagined each experience was amazing. I did print work videos, commercials and I thought that it would stop when I had Children, but it didn't some incorporated my Children. When I turned 30 ish. During a routine physical seeing my internist, I explained to her that I'd been feeling sharp pains in my breasts. They felt like they were engorged with milk. So she examined me and then she sent me for several other exams with no findings. But then she called me back into her office a few days before thanksgiving. I knew things weren't okay because her eyes were red and tears began to well as soon as she stepped in the exam room, she told me that I had cancer in my right breast and everything after that was drowned out with loud ringing in my ears. Mhm. She sent me to see some specialists and I decided to have a mastectomy because I didn't want it in or on me anymore. It served its purpose as a source of nourishment, sex appeal and pleasure. So although I had become comfortable with who I am and how I look. Being single and dating with scars was a challenge for me. I struggled with relationship for fear of rejection, putting too much weight on what I'd lost. So my friends and even my therapist said that I shouldn't share that information so soon. But I wanted to be upfront and honest. So I dated with hesitation not knowing what I wanted and settling for whatever 5- six years into having the scar. I immersed myself into my Children work and things that I was passionate about. I remember my Children just got sick and tired of me being under them were watching Despicable Me Two once and I started to sniffle when the main characters were at the wedding altar. My Children went in on me and they said that you really need to get out, get a life. And just as I did, I was diagnosed with cancer in my left breast. I became fearful and doubtful all over again. But I knew deep down that God had me. So sometime during my healing process I received a friend request from a guy. I scrolled up and down his page and I accepted because he looked familiar. We message from time to time until he asked me out and me wanting to think for him rather than allowing him to think for himself. I said, you don't want to go out with me. I'm a breast cancer survivor to which he responded, I commend you for being a strong woman. Now what else expecting followed by without you, Nothing is fantastic. And then you have the strength for more than just yourself. I'm gonna need you to rub off on me. His lines were good, although he says they weren't lines. I said yes, we hung out and he was sweet and very handsome. Was something about him, felt comfortable and familiar and at the time I was clueless to the rules of engagement so I might have gotten a little too comfortable with him, but not once did I feel less than in his presence. So my final reconstructive surgery time came and I was terrified all over again and I had a strong woman moment rather than push him away. Like I had done several other men. I invited him over. I remember I was wearing my favorite Ankara lapa uh that's the african cloth that you were like a beach wrap and I prepared him for what I was about to do and in a take me or leave me moment more like take me, you better not leave me. I dropped my lapa, exposing my scarred neapolis breasts. He looked at me and said that is that all and smiled and then he hugged me and all of my fears fell at my feet. I felt so safe in his arms in that moment and then I started to think I like this guy. No, no, no. I actually really like the dude and he knows it. So here I am. nine years after my diagnosis and I realized that my breasts aren't the only thing that defined me as a woman and learning to love honor and respect myself. I'm learning to accept and reciprocate love honor and respect.