I Ate the Divorce Papers by Gabriel Davis

Abigail Peeler

0:00

Animation

Description

Comedic Monologue. A soon-to-be divorced woman confronts her soon-to-be ex-husband, named Charles.

Vocal Characteristics

Language

English

Voice Age

Middle Aged (35-54)

Accents

North American (General)

Transcript

Note: Transcripts are generated using speech recognition software and may contain errors.
I ate them. That's where I I ate the divorce papers. Charles. I ate them with ketchup, and you know what? They were good, good, good. You probably want me to get serious about her divorce. The thing is, is you always called our marriage a joke? So let's use logic hair. If a we never had a serious marriage than be, we can't have a serious divorce. No, we can't. The whole thing's of force. Charles of Force. That's his good with ketchup. I mean, wasn't it last week, your dad asked me the reason you walk down the aisle with me and you said for the exercise, That's funny. You're funny, guy Charles. I'm laughing, not crying. Ha! I'm a laughing because you're about to give up on a woman who is infinitely lovable. For instance, Call. He is in love to me since the eighth grade. Sure, he's a little creepy, but he really loves me. He's made 127 passes at me, proposed 47 times and sent me over 200 original loves on its He sees something in me, Charles, and he writes it down in metered verse, and that's not something you just find every day Someone who really loves everything about who you are as a person. Call may be insane, but I value his feelings for me. I would never ask him to just sign his name to a piece of paper, promising to just turn up his feelings for me forever. But that's exactly what you're asking me to do for you. The sign away, my rights to To that sweet voice, Charles, Those baby brown eyes, the way your hands feel through my hair before bed. Those aren't things I want to lose. In fact, I won't lose them. I won't lose you all, will you? I've written you a sonnet. He shall I compare the two summers day that lot more lovely and more temperate. Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May end. I'm not crying, I'm laughing. It's all a big joke. It's very funny, Charles. I keep waiting for you to say April fools, I'm not all Russian to your arms and but you're not going to argue. No, of course not. It's not April. I didn't really write that song, you know, called it. I think it's good you see the truth. The truth is, Charles, I ate the divorce papers. I ate them because I can't stomach the thought of losing you.