Female Young Adult/Teenage Comedic
Vocal Characteristics
Language
EnglishVoice Age
Teen (13-17)Accents
North American (General)Transcript
Note: Transcripts are generated using speech recognition software and may contain errors.
if anyone requests ukulele. Lady, I'm out of here. I'm not going to do it. Not again. Not for the millionth time. Is that the only song? Tourists, No fish, Please tell you got of the ukulele. Don't let me kill a tourist today, Ukulele lady, a dumping middle aged man and a Frankie goes to Hollywood T shirt screams. He gives me a knowing non with his balding head to indicate he's the only one in the room who knows true Hawaiian culture. I hate him. I imagine bludgeoning him with my co would Yuki. But I don't Do you know how hard it is to get blood out of CO would? Well, I don't either, but I guess it isn't easy. Instead, I played the damn song, smiling as I imagine shoving his pineapple drink up his the crowd Cheers as I perform. I know it's not so bad having an adoring audience, but this isn't the audience of want. This is Judah Horace's bar mitzvah, one of the few gigs I could get in Aloha Lagoon. My name is Holahan Ani Johnson. My mother, Harriet Jones Johnson, is a bit of a Hawaiian obsessed nut. It's so bad that it's to the point where she believes she's the reincarnation of a Hawaiian princess and says that my name came from a dream from an ancestor God. In reality, it probably came from the bottom of rum bottle to our endless annoyance. My redhead, green eyed mom comes from a long line of English ancestors and grew up in Kansas. Dad was 1/3 generation blond, brown eyed German. His name was shortened to Johnson due to the inability to pronounce whatever the name really Waas. Neither of my parents had ever been to Hawaii until Mom and I moved here After Dad died. I go by Nani and I now live in Aloha Lagoon on the Hawaiian island of quality with my mother, who now calls herself Pagliuca and dyes her hair and eyebrows, a ridiculous shade of black that does not look natural. I've never understood where my dark brown hair comes from, but Alec, more native than she does, always dressed in a muumuu mom, where PSA biscuits flowers in her hair and hangs out on my land. I singing island songs all day and night, much to my neighbors. Dismay. I finished my set tell the crowd Aloha and I'm cut off by the deejay who decides suddenly to play gangster rap song Thank You. Gladys Horowitz of Trenton, New Jersey, and Judah's mother slips an envelope into my hands before running to the dance. Florida shimmy disturbingly, 13 year old Judah hangs his head in shame. I made my way through the crowd to the bar and order a decidedly un Hawaiian vodka tonic. Here's the 10 bucks I owe you, the bartender smiles, handing me money. I got my drink slapping an empty glass on the bar. I told you someone requests it. Every time I take this money and head to my car, my shift in **** is over. She's in here. I hear Mom say so. It really is a set up. I guess I'd hoped against hope on that one. Well, there's nothing to be done, but get through the evening as quickly as possible. With as little humiliation as I can manage. Non E Mom says that she leads to people into the kitchen. This is my new friend, Perseverance Woodfield and her son, Nick. I wipe my hands on a dish talent reach for the woman's hand nice to meet you both. Welcome to our home. She's charming, Perseverance exclaims. Definitely a set up. The woman is in her sixties, with dark brown hair peppered with silver. Tall and proud, she smiles warmly as she shakes my hand. I like her already. The men with her is, to my shock, very attractive. Brown hair and eyes with the trim beard and mustache. Nick Woodfield isn't bad at all. At least the view during dinner will be pleasant. Nani made dinner for you, Mom says, and my heart sinks. I told you she was a wonderful cook. I guess I won't be confessing that this came from the local Mako Cafe. Perseverance smiles and elbows there, son. It's always good to marry a great cook. Nick Doug. I feel sorry for Nick Woodfield. At least there we have something in common. Hit smells great, Nick says with a smile as he shakes my hand. He winks, and it's utterly adorable. Okay, so he's cute and charming. That's not so bad. Thanks, I say, hating to take the credit for the loco Moco. What can I get everyone to drink? And a wonderful hostess to perseverance, perseverance nods to mom. Everyone wants wine, so I pull a bottle of chardonnay from the fridge. Nick offers to open it, and I let him. As I grabbed the glasses, I tried to give him a surreptitious once over. Definitely gorgeous. If Mom doesn't blow it, maybe I could squeeze at least one decent date out of her exhausting habit of fixing me up. As we sit down to dinner and begin passing the food around, I think things might be looking up a little for me. When Nick winks at me again, I know it is. Why is it so charming when men wink? I don't know, but it's always worked on me. Wonder if mom told him that? So I said, Mom has been talking and I didn't realize it. How is that? Your family has been here for so many generations, but your name is perseverance instead of, ah, Hawaiian name, please call me Vera. Nick's mother insists. I can't stand my name. It comes from my ancestor who came over here in the 18 hundreds. I guess the Puritans gave her Children names like this and hopes they develop the same qualities. I like Vera, I say with a smile is something tugs on the edge of my memory. Woodfield. How did I know that name? That's why I go by nanny. Shorter names are easier. Fear nods. She takes a second helping of Yummy Pork so much easier she holds out her glass, and I feel it with more wine. Holly, AKA, tells me you're a musician and you went to Juilliard. That's impressive, Right? Neck, please, Mom begs dramatically. Call me Halle. Everyone does. I can tell, though, that she's thrilled. Very used her fake Hawaiian name. Um, no one does. I've never heard her use that nickname before. In fact, I cringe whenever someone is deceived into using my mother's so called Hawaiian name. But there's nothing I can do but play along.