Mercurial Musings : Creatively Exxxposed feat Byan Ward
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Welcome to creatively exposed and today I am here with a pretty cool friend um a Curiel brother of mine brian award, let the people know who you are and why we are here today. Well technically you just say who it was but okay everybody. Yes, my name is brian Ward, I am a creative of every sort what kind of swords break it down. I'm a visual artist, I do mostly, you know photo video work and I also do graphic design and I'm also a writer. Yes, welcome to the show. So I had a text message from brian and from that text message came the subject matter of today, which is sex and not just the you know, wham bam, thank you ma'am, but like the intricacies of starting during etcetera. This is not for Children, I just want people to know. So let's do this. Um I'm gonna read the text two seconds ice cream shot at it, so this is brian and he says me about sex. I find that people have um you have a huge misconception about sex for me, I'm a people pleaser, I want to be interactive during sex, someone directing me moving my hands or head to where they want them to be really being into it, which yeah, come to find out, I like to talk during and directing people feel like it's the job of the other person to learn what you like without you telling them house way when the entire act is about pleasure using and being used with a mutual interest. Yes, so my response to this is **** yeah, and on top of that, I think that a lot of people in my case. Um my point of view is a woman's perspective, it's been kind of frowned upon when a woman is like, hey, I want this, I need this move over here, don't use this as a, you know, DJ booth softer like uh what you doing? So, you know, some men turned off, some feel awkward and others say that it's almost like men feel that it's supposed to be the one directing the act because it's all about them and their anyway, you know? Yes, but no, not at all, because it's mutual. And so I see sex as we should have an open communication before. I know I'm scared and during men away during is the best part definitely. And even after, but like, don't ask me, Oh, so did you come? Not, that's not the conversation I'm talking, definitely not. Because if you gotta ask guys, I got to say then, nah, you didn't think you didn't take direction as well and not only that you're so out of tune with whoever you're with, that you don't even know what's happening. Like how do you not know where you been and you know, movies and places where sex is shown only for a few seconds and not in between. That's true, I didn't think about that, you know, maybe that's why there's like these seconds, people for me, everybody who partakes intersex, I've seen it somewhere like porn or something like that, and and and porn isn't about that, it's not about actual pleasure, it's about getting it in. Yeah, that's it. It's a service. It's used for, it's made for you to use to get off as fast as possible. Yeah, I mean, it's a product for resolving whatever is ailing you, you know, but that's not the reality, especially if you actually like the person that you're with, which is always the question, I mean that goes well, that goes deep because I heard somewhere someone was like, I want to ask the guy, like, do you actually like women, yo, because if you do then you care about their experiences during as well, you know what I mean? I feel like a lot of men just have sex with women for the sake of having sex, It's like, what do you actually like women not not even going to the hole, are you *** thing? It's not even about that at all. It's like, do you actually enjoy the person creatures specimen you're entertaining? Yeah. Or using for your entertainment? That is Oh, that is profound. Um Yeah, you know what's funny, I had been on these apps, these dating apps, and there was a question that I asked one of the guys, oh, like what's your pet peeve, actually, No, it was a very general question, I don't know, you bro, I'm not talking, you know, like, and the first thing that came out his mouth was a woman that's not a freak, wow, okay, alright, first of all sir, are you, what is your name? I would like to know your name first, but fine. And I'm like, all right, so define freak because you know, I am I and so there are levels to being a freak, definitely and he says, oh, a woman that likes to have a lot of sex, I'm like, sir, that's a very general, okay, this is not the definition of freak, but okay, I'm like, well based on these responses, why would I want to engage with you? Because it doesn't you you're like rushing, you're in a rush to just get it in and go, so why would I want to continue smashing with you? I find it funny because he said someone who is not a freak, but what does it require for the woman you want to entertain to be Exactly, like what do you want? At least the first name would be nice, you know, I don't know you and this is what you're giving me. So I'm gonna just be in my mind, you have zero understanding of sex. Exactly, yeah, because it's not just jump in and we're not shaming people who actually just want to do that. We're not shaming you as at all, we're just we just want to teach you how to go to take it to the next level. There's more toward than we think. Yeah. Like I truly enjoy the art that is sex. Um I do need some kind of connection to be with somebody. It doesn't have to be this whole in depth. You know, when he was young novella connection. But at least, you know, somebody I could talk to and feel comfortable with because once I unleash the beast, I have advised you and you were prepared. That's a fact. True. So, you know, I told him at the end like, I like to have a lot of sex, but it don't got to be with you sir. Thank you for your time for your application. You failed, right? You know, I see sex as a ritual. Yes, I see it as an energy exchange as a creative. It's a sacral chakra. Like that's my home. So I'm not gonna just do whatever with said home. Ain't nobody, you know, not everybody is invited to my home. Not everybody can come visit the sacred shaka. So, I think, I think that's funny that I'm entering this path and I have a citrine crystal, but I've been working with and it's focused on, you know, that aspect of the chakras. So it's interesting. Yeah, you see you see where we get into. So it's let so tell me more about talking during dirty. It's funny because I didn't, it's one of those things where people say, you know, Yeah, dirty talking. I'm like mm I'll pass mm hmm I find myself as I get older wanting to do it more. It's like when the **** does come from. I don't know where it comes from. Honestly. I think it's all like it's all a part of me exploring myself like mhm If we're doing this act, I need you to know what I like, right? Because then what's the point? You know? Um I'm always shocked by the percentages that you see online of all of the women who haven't had an ****** with their partner. And so I wonder and it's not shaming. It's just why are we engaging if there is no satisfaction at the end of the board will be mostly doing with the sense of, okay, I don't have anything to do right now. So that maybe this will be fun or obligation. I've heard that. True. I've heard that too. Yeah, but nah, no, it's boring. It's matt boring. Yeah. No, it's confusing. I think. Um but there's like a lot of layers to that. I would say yes, because to me that level of it comes from a very adolescent mind state. You know what I mean? Like we we learned we go about sex one way, but we don't grow with it and we don't allow the enjoyment to fully come over us. I would say because if I based it on what society has told me, then I'd be in that group. But I'm not about that life. Like people think that you know, the end result is great. I'm trying to get you to a place where you can spare something greater. Like if you if you really get into yourself that moment will be magnified. Yes. I don't even want to be on this planet during the process. Take me to another place. All these R. And B. Songs from the old times didn't come from anywhere. Exactly. So and if and if and if that helps like having that mood set setting that mood with music. So let's talk about mood setting, mood music. So sex itself is an experience. Mm hmm. And one tool that has the ability to push things over the edge is music. I mean there's many tools but music is a good one. I mean that's that's another episode. That's another that's a separate that's not today. You know I remember in the past I used to create um playlist for my friends. For those you know and for those moments. And because so we selling sexy players. Oh yes, I'm a poet. I sell sex at all moment at all times. Not not just Sex on Passion. Come on. Community service. Like my homie Justin yo this one piece I wrote, I heard um this woman, a friend of a friend of a friend, she showed it to her husband and she got pregnant off of that poem. Oh well the power of of words and creation. Yeah. And to me that's the, that's the biggest like flattery of all like using your words to help someone else move. That is just I have I have some self searching to work on. I didn't think about that. I don't know if you even read that poem that I wrote out the City to you send it to me. Yeah, definitely. Favorite song or songs. Six songs. Yeah, this is this is this is one that most people probably wouldn't think of. But it's an older one I want to say. Um What is uh speechless by Beyonce? Oh that's a really good one. Who the notes, what I'm telling you? I'm telling you the notes if you're like close. Yes, if you're close. Well. Oh my God. Because you know because you know sex is about vibration energy. Yes, it is the vibrations in that song. My God, I am not living my life correctly. That is fascinating. I actually have a whole sacral chakra playlist. Do you with like 50 songs and I keep adding stuff. There is a mix between like really slow to trap music because I am I no, there's most def on their interesting, there's a couple of like new, I don't know what they call them new R and B. Neo. So artists um I definitely have snow Allegra on there. Okay Alexis Sky. Wait, what's your favorite? My favorite, There's this song by Alexis Sky man. There's so many favorites um what lovers do. Okay, I don't think I've heard that one. And there's a bar in there where she's like fire wish. It could feel like this, wow bro. Oh yes, so setting the moon. Mm I felt that it's a mood man. I felt that I even beat by myself in the car. Like girl Yes. Oh that's fast. What else? I know for me to play that I recommend it. Her whole her whole discography is really nice. It's really dope. I also think about like my curtains, my like bed sheets. So like legit setting the mood and all as leakage. It like I want a little bit of light coming in but not too much light so that neighbors can see. I mean it depends on, you know who what, where my salt lamp beyond. Okay. You know, because it's kind of like a candle, it's not too bright, it's not too low. Okay, um and that's any time of day with these new blackout curtains that I got there red. So they give like no sexy glow. So that is a whole mood. It's just comfort. Like you want to walk into a place and feel welcome. You don't even if you and slides your slides. Yeah, because you know, it might not be a whole drawn out event, but if you're in your slides and it's a wham bam. Still gotta be comfortable. True wear socks. Just don't slip. Hey that does have come. Yeah, comfort. I don't know, like that's like people number one description of my space is comfort, but I think I create that comfort within myself so that everyone can be comfortable because for me it's important. Even even even in photography, even in any creative, anything that I do creatively, I want the person to feel comfortable as if they are being heard right felt. So to me, I carry the end to everything I do. I agree. And I think, and I think I'm learning to harness that creativity into more sexual experiences because to me, that's the biggest like, homage to art to beauty. Yes, I definitely think of sex as an art form, definitely and you cannot create if there is not a space for creation, anchoring, not just, you know, create a baby, nah, that's not what I'm talking about right at. You gotta specify because yes, this is I'm not against, right? Just creating an experience before. Not the after after this yours business. Exactly. So, as a ritual, I'm gonna explain that a little more um because sex is in the sacral shocker, mm you can either choose the right person to expand that energy or if it's the wrong person, they can mess your whole situation up. Yes, So in my case, I have actually been abstaining makes me a little sad, but it's okay. I mean, I have to, so it's fine, but I've realized the effects of who I engage with, right and how I may affect that person as well. So throughout this year I've seen the highs and the lows of engaging with people. Person who is not in there like highest and best. And I couldn't create and I didn't notice it until I'm like, hey, what's, you know, what's going on? I'm trying to work on my book, I'm trying to get these projects done and it's not happening. And when once I started Abstaining is when things started actually happening and coming out and being created and you know, even this podcast, like it was not going to happen if I continued. So I think being mindful and discerning is important. Um sometimes you're just in like your whole season and you just want to jump bones and keep it moving. But if you're trying to cultivate sometimes it's good to take time and sit back and be like, wait a minute and check if it applies. It may not apply true. That, you know, that's just for me and I would say to even take the into your whole phase or whatever you wanna call it, like the art of being in the moment. Yes. I mean, it could be said that's a very dangerous thing to do and it's a very easy way to, you know, have a bunch of people want to put you in the grave, but still exactly which goes back to the whole attachment discussion would be having all the time. But we don't talk about that today. That's next one. That's the next time. Uh But I don't know about you while I'm in the, you know the thick of it. That means so many things. The tantra in the thick of it. I'm not here. Like there's being present and then there's being like, I'm like teleported elsewhere. That's interesting. Like I am. It's the only place where I'm not grounded. Uh Isn't that interesting? It is actually I'll wait for you to say that. It's the only place where I'm just like it's like I can see myself during the whole thing. But I'm also in my body and experiencing and enjoying all of the sensations. But it makes sense Because you're my opposite. All right. That's where I'm most grounded. Mm hmm fascinating. So earth sign gang here. And I'm usually very grounded but not during sex and I'm also focused on my partner. So I want to know it's a very dual experience for you. It is It's a it's a multi level experience. So, I think I think it's done right is multi level, definitely. It should be because I want to hear no feel all of the enjoyment from you. Because it's not just for me if it's just for me, I'm gonna be by myself and figuring out my situation. You can grab an object and do it by yourself all that matters. Exactly. So, I wanna I get selfish in that way. Like I'm selfish and knowing that you are being pleased by me, right? You know, I want you, I want to know what, how your body reacts to something. How That's funny because that's a very neat perspective and I don't I don't typically like the word being used towards another person need, but in that moment I need to know what you feel what you want to feel, right? So that's I'm always like figuring out and checking and seeing. It's not always like, oh how does this feel? Like you can kill the vibe, Like don't ask that, but you can also ask. It might be a turn on for somebody else, you know? But it's like when you like that, oh God, please do not sleep. Because just if I'm gonna say no. Exactly and you're gonna be mad and then we can't keep going because unless unless you have a contender, then he was like over, okay, oh you got him on your partner. I like that. It could be a competition game, It could be anything because that's what you're creating. The word being create. You're creating in that moment is a scene and it's limitless. It doesn't have to be this, you know in a box. One thing thing, it's literally the one that's literally the one moment in time where you can be or do whatever you want it should with the right person. Of course of course, but that's where the conversation comes into play. You have to have that conversation. I scared off a guy like that. I have made a few people go, really? I'm I'm out. I'm out there like I haven't touched bases on that with anybody yet, but I'm out there. I'm talking like handcuffs and I mean that's a good time. I mean, I've never experienced that. I want to, but I gotta be there. I mean, what time this podcast close? Right. I'm open to all kinds of things. I just think I have to know who I'm dealing with. No, you can't do with everybody because I ain't trying to have no random person tied me up. And the next thing you know, I ain't in my house. No more people are looking for me. I'm hanging from a ceiling, right? You know what, what, what you usually watch stuff like that takes time to build that kind of sexual bond if you want to say that's a good word. I think that's a really good word because it should be a kind of bond where both of you feel free to be your most word. Like I had had a situation recently. I was just like, yo I've been all these years. I've been wasting my time doing none of this. Feeling nowhere near this. I'm like, yo, okay, I'm setting the ball right now. I don't want for nothing less than this. They have been very lucky and I am so grateful because I have cried okay. Where I'm in the bed and homey is there and I'm just like, are these tears ***? Are these tears? These are tears. I'm not crying right now. I'm not crying. What I just, you know, to surrender completely to whoever you are with because they have your pleasure in their interest. That is amazing. Yeah, that sounds scary. But I'm down here for it. It's, it is scary at first because you know, we both have control issues true. But when I think the best partner in my mind is somebody who cares about the other person's enjoyment because I'm going to want to ensure your enjoyment. So why are you worried about your own enjoyment? Exactly. It's not. What about me? I got you. Right? So like it should be in a way, it's weird, but it should be selfless. It should like that's the only place I would not mind being selfless unless I'm in danger. You know, that's different. Both people have to be selfless. Yes. Because you know, it's an exchange. You're taking turns and once your turn come, it's not about you, right? So I have, yeah, I've done role playing. I've done different dynamics, which are very, very interesting. Okay. Um, I have like a version of the game. Honestly, I haven't really done much of anything that I've met. Uh, my imagination goes there. So I haven't, I'm on, I'm on the journey on the path right now. I think it's it's like everything. It's a growing journey and finding out new stuff, definitely. So, I was one of those, oh, I hope my mom don't listen to this. I was one of those um kids where it's like you could do all the sex quizzes and I used to do all the sex quizzes with my friends and we'd be talking about stuff we didn't even know. But you know, I am going to research all of these things. You know, different sex positions, different tools, things that could be added into the bedroom. B. D. S. M. Domination of all kinds. I'm like, let's find out all these things. I heard you say yes. The domination. You and you're gonna talk about that today? All right. Yeah, I mean my little my little my little little is in Virgo. So yeah, mood. I know. I know. So, I think being able to play is the best way. Yes. You know, like the world is restrictive. Can we not restrict the act of sex, right? I agree. Like why you gotta be all cut and dry dry. Don't work clearly. That's what it's lou But you know, they ain't ready. They're not you ready? Mhm. What else? Texas ritual? Oh, did I even finish that thought process? I don't know if I did, but let's go back. So for the blue house out there. My you know witchy people that's blue high with an axe. Mhm. There are rituals where because the energy exchange and the act of surrender is so great that you can use sex for manifestation. Yes and therefore it's good to choose the right person who maybe if all you want them for that ritual, I won't ask you do you like that because you're busy, you're trying to create something, you know? So just a little, you know, a hint to the bit, Especially during the full moon. So I'm just saying we just had a pisces one and all I wanted to be was in the forest. You know what I think about? I think about that a lot actually like you know the whole pagan rituals, you know involving like you know orgies in the forest and whatnot. Uh huh. I'm really curious about you know having experience in the forest what you're connected to the earth while you're doing that, you know what I mean? That sounds very stimulating well literally and figuratively yet. I haven't well we don't have a lot of force in florida so it doesn't it did not cross my mind but I'm gonna add that and then you can't do it in the summer It either. I mean mosquitoes room I mean oh little little thing that I recommend there's like this fly, what does it bug off? But they have it in cream really? You know, way bad out there. Yeah, that's not for all of the parts now just like that. If you're, you're exploring the body, you don't want to run into it, you know what I mean? Well are you gonna have to pick and choose, pick and get, you know, get one of them T keys. Oh just get a mosquito on that. Yeah, I was trying to help you get a couple of get a cup of tea keys and create like a circle, like an actual ritual y'all out here. Okay, come on Sabrina Jaime, this is a thought. I'm gonna keep this and put it in my pocket for later. I want to do that. I got to do that one day. I got to once my well stops running dry, you know? Shut up TLC why Why I mean? You know, I ain't creeping right now. I ain't creeping. But when it comes, see the jokes write themselves. They do. I shall I shall add this to my list of things that can be done depending on the person to your pocketbook. Some men are scary and you know, I don't want those to meet someone who's into it. Yeah, I want somebody who is able to and willing to experience things. I don't know what you might need a gemini. Yeah, we'll see about that because um geminis period. Yes, if you all don't know I am mister and I Taurus moon cancer rising very goal and I think I think I'm pretty fun you're fine. But I feel like everything else balances you out. You know because God forbid you made a gemini with all this other air. Well God forbid, sorry for all those air signs. I haven't met the right one. Don't come for me. But maybe you know, somebody curious. I mean you just need to meet an air sign who is no longer a tornado and I'm a hurricane so we gotta figure this out definitely like for me, I feel like I feel like I'm a still breathe. Okay that works. Trust me. I've had my destructive days. Trust me it is not easy. It's not easy to relieve yourself of that. I am enjoying your word choice. Mhm Another thing I think in my case is I've been shamed for my sex drive by the actual people that I am with. Not all of them, but like um I had one and you're just like, I don't know what to do with you. Uh huh. You know, and it was like girls, we just finish and I'm like that's nice. I have to get a raid. Let's go. It's like, okay, this is all this is all you're about. I mean, you know, you gotta hydrate and electrolytes high represent the bed. You do, right, right? There's nothing worse than nothing worse fellows and catching a Charlie horse in the middle. Oh my God, that's nothing worse. Nothing worse. I caught 2. 1 time. I was ******. Oh well he was having a good time though. Tell me it was time to time man. I think that you also have to be careful. Um I probably said this a million times but like who you're with because they can weaponize that against you. Especially like if you're in an actual relationship or that I think that comes from your experience. Yeah. Well, no, no, no. I want to say just, I wanted to single you out like that. Obviously you're right. People when they figure out you quote unquote, they have the ability and anyone does they have the ability to use against you. And that's what creates the fear of wanting to even experience anyone on that level. That's true. Which all goes back to society's playing to keep us all apart separated so that we don't trust each other. That's very, very true. So trust is the ultimate aphrodisiac I would say. You know, and if the person that you're with and I'm not talking about like if you married don't listen to me, I'm single as ****. But I guess in my case if I meet new people and I decide to engage with them and their sex drive doesn't match mine, I think it's important and it's not going to last. The relationship will not last because if I'm on mount Everest or you at least have to want to meet your partner halfway. If you know if you know your driver's low. Like what's the word compromise. The word we all hate. Yeah, I mean, but he can't have some roots or something like true, drink some roots. Maybe we need to work out together. I don't know. But if you're down there and I'm up here, Yeah, I might not be the person for you. No pun intended at all. Hey, you know, somebody who has, like an emotional libido, yeah, for me might not work because if something happens and you're sad or you know, you're stressed out or you're frustrated. That's my go to for releasing stress. Like sex is self care for me. That's how I view it. So if you're being sad or struggling or frustrating makes you just like, clamp down and you don't want to do nothing. I don't know how to help you, sir. Well, I don't know because for me, I don't understand how frustration and anger can lead to sex at all. Really? Yeah. Like you see in movies all the time where someone dies. No, but that's different. You're like deep grief. I'm not trying to do it with you before the you gotta specify that. Oh my gosh, that's not what I'm talking about. I'm happy or or or even like an argument or anything at that level, I don't arguments exciting, do they? Yeah. Alright with your own purpose? That's my leo moon. Don't listen to me. Oh yeah, don't listen to mine, right? But I think it's just how we express ourselves emotionally, I'm a physical, express er of emotion versus verbal or emotional. So I guess that's my thing. Like, if you stressed out come through, I got you. Are you putting on an ad right now? Not at all. You leave me alone. I'm abstaining. I'm trying to create stuff, but you know, if you were down and use my partner or you know, we got to we got an agreement going on, then that's the move. I'm not I'm not opposed to that either. I mean, I'm here for that. I'm gonna give you space if you're, you know, not feeling okay. I'm just saying six months later you can't be there now. We got to go to therapy. We gotta talk about stuff. We gotta, you know, because if I'm don't leave me alone for too long, what is my thing? I have no idea. If you get married, you can be hiding, you can touch me and this is on period period. Well, preferably with that one. But you know, oh, it's time to go, hey, I have a ******. That's how to put that out there. There's other things for that. But you know, you got to do your own research. So yes, but I don't know. Maybe it's like the love language thing. Okay. You know, I feel like touches your biggest one for me, My big *****. Like words hands down. Um Words of affirmation all these funds. Yes, I'm telling you, it writes itself. It does words to though. I like I like I like I need mental stimulation. Wow, we haven't even touched upon that. No, that's next time. Next time, wow. Yes. Mental stimulation. The pre to the Yeah, it's foreplay. Yes. Yes, it is. four plays its own world, its own wonderful world. Man. So tell the people how they can find you. Do we have any additional thoughts about our uh salt and pepper? Let's talk about sex episode. Thank you for the correction. How's your for your good? This is good. This is good. Um, you call can find me on instagram at house brian ward. That's pretty much where I post all my artworks and for more personal stuff, you can find me a house ward on facebook. What kind of personal stuff? Nothing crazy. I mean, I mostly used facebook, that's my, like my writing platform. And you have a book out. I have two books out. You have two books out. I do actually, um, you can find you can find links to those on my website. It's on my instagram. Okay. And I'll add those in the show notes as well. Okay, so this has been fun. We will, we will. I hope somebody got something out of this uh, conversation right now go out there and make a baby or not. I mean, I'm not, I'm not I'm not saying physical babies. I mean like spiritual babies. I like this. You know, I have a lot of those out here, but I'm just saying, well, do you claim anne is the question all on. All right, So thank you for talking with me today and being on creatively exposed with three XS today. Thank you for having me. Thank you, everyone, dan. Oh, wow, I need to stop recording.