CP-DOS
Description
Vocal Characteristics
Language
EnglishVoice Age
Young Adult (18-35)Accents
North American (General) North American (US New England - Boston, Providence)Transcript
Note: Transcripts are generated using speech recognition software and may contain errors.
creepy presents. Have you ever heard of the childhood psychopathy diagnostic observation scale written by Queasy Panda, narrated by Daniel Hewitt? No, of course you haven't. I don't mean to belittle you. It's due to the nature of the CPD less that you haven't heard of it. No one has, except the few select government agencies who saw the true beauty, the true value the measure had to society. It really only involves a couple of buttons, a couple of marshmallows and an excellent guide to measure the Machiavellian nature of the world's preterm psychopaths. Enough with the abstractions. Let's get to it. There were about three million psychopaths in the United States. Psychopaths are your lawyers, parents, bankers. They're everywhere, and the intelligent ones blend into society with little friction. Most of these people are either pacifists. They're not intelligent enough to cause any real damage to our society. It's the lottery winners of the intelligence and the genetic and environmental contributors to violent psychopathy that we need to worry about. This toxic personality Cocktail produces the Charles Mansons and Jeffrey Dahmer's of the world. That's where I come in. I began developing the CPD OS during my PhD dissertation. I studied predictors for psychopathy in early childhood. The logic is simple. If we can identify predictors of violent psychopathy, we can nip them in the bud and have a safer society. I'll spare you the literature review in the statistical analyses and skip right to the discussion. The study was immensely successful. We found that 90% of our seven year olds fitting our criteria for at risk grew up to be violent and intelligent teenagers and adults. These are the ones who got away, and after my success, I vowed to never let it happen again. The procedure is so painfully simple, I was almost surprised. I got to the level of significance I did. All we used was a bag of buttons in a carefully constructed observational structure masquerading as a game for Children. There were 15 Children in each classroom, and 15 buttons were provided. We had said each button was worth a marshmallow. Calling it money helped them understand. We left them alone in the cafeteria for 10 minutes and gave them one simple sentence. A button is worth one marshmallow. We videotaped an audio bug to the room, a kid deemed high risk gathered at least 12 buttons scored high on our I Q test and use violent and eloquently worded threats to gather the buttons. In most classrooms. Each child finished the 10 minutes with a button, each simple right, 15 buttons, 15 Children. The math is simple, even by 11 year old standards. It was the depraved little bastards we euphemistically referred to as high risk who grew up to skin lost animals in horse science is weird like that, huh? Violent threats plus intelligence was 12 or more marshmallows, and we have a little psychopathic sprout. My to be publication never made it past the peer review stage. I got a rejection letter for it. Having potentially dangerous implications. A month after my first sample of At Risk Children turned 20 I was contacted by a member of the C. I. A. At this point, I had given up on the CPD OS and had been teaching intro to psychology at a local community college. I was given an address and told to bring my notes on the measure. I jumped at the opportunity to converse about my research. Have you ever met a doctor of psychology? I found myself sitting at around kitchen table of a middle class colonial with two badged men. They weren't gigantic, clean cut men with black suits. Instead, I found myself opposite to average size men wearing flannels and jeans outside of the briefcase in the I. D badge I'd requested to see. They looked overwhelmingly average, perhaps by design. After we exchange pleasantries, the shorter of the two agents passed me a Manila folder with a 20 year olds face on the cover. For confidentiality sake will call this young adult Ryan. Believe me when I say you'll be thankful I'm keeping this brief. By the age of 20 Ryan was wanted for the rapes and murders of three women in his area, and those are only the reported ones. He's been on the run for six months, and there's no leads to his whereabouts. 13 buttons. Justin, 20 has been characterized as attractive, clever and charismatic. Murdered his parents and his girlfriend. 12 buttons. Wade, 21 anti social, yet has been constantly Hilda's, a musical prodigy, and piano was his trade. He traded his piano for the execution style killings of his high schools. 15 buttons Call me apathetic. Call me cold. But most importantly, Comey correct. I wasn't bewildered by the results. In fact, they made perfect sense. I had narrowed down the characteristic predictors of psychopathy and operationalized them into a behavioral measure. The list went on eight more people nominally tied to heinous crimes. It wasn't perfect, though, as science rarely is on the list. There was one name that didn't fit the bill. Kevin, 20 was in the midst of his public health degree, 3.98 g p. A. To 90 league. He had plans to enroll in the Peace Corps and improve the lives of those less fortunate than him. This ****** hasn't had as much as a parking violation, let alone any relation to a violent crime. 14 ******* buttons. In most other circumstances, I would go down in history as one of the most influential psychologists of all times. These were not average circumstances due to Kevin's existence in the CIA's hellbent rhetorics. I ended up trading my fame and mark in history for a pretty annual penny. The agents offered me a seven figure salary for my work in silence and also my assistance, and I would help spend the next 10 years practicing my trade across the country. The stench of rectangular pizzas and chocolate milk Burton my nasal passages as I travelled elementary schools to elementary school, administering the CPD less. If anything, it was perfect preparation for parenthood. I have a low maintenance job, plenty of money in all the knowledge in the world on how to raise a wonderful son. I named him Kevin. I do this for a living. They know I would catch on to them. I've kept close tabs on every high risk child throughout the past 10 years. Sure enough, like clockwork, each one serendipitously disappears. Weeks after the measure. It was genius, really. I was the only one taking statistics on how many buttons each child would walk away with in the categorization of an at risk child was less than half a percent 99% of the time. Each child would walk away with a button, a marshmallow and their lives. My silent inquisition of these prematurely psychopathic Children was a blistering success. Over the past 10 years, there have been 54 mysterious disappearances of clever, intelligent Children, a minuscule price our country has to pay in exchange for the murders of young women and parents. Abduction rates hardly increased in violent crime rates. Impact really decreased. So why the **** am I telling you all of this? I need advice. Trust me when I say the irony of a psychologist seeking advice isn't lost on me. Call it karma. Call it my payment to the 54 souls, 10% of which were likely bound to be innocent. I robbed of their lives, but I find myself in a predicament. Should I run double down on my philosophy and let the system work its magic? There I was doing household chores after a long day in an elementary school 30 minutes from my house. It was Friday in time for the houses weekly. Deep, clean and upkeep. I finally got to Kevin's laundry and in the back pocket of his worn blue jeans. There they sat, 13 buttons