How many times
Description
Vocal Characteristics
Language
EnglishVoice Age
Young Adult (18-35)Accents
North American (General)Transcript
Note: Transcripts are generated using speech recognition software and may contain errors.
How many times do I have to admit that all I ever wanted was just to give up and quit? This pain inside is just an invisible force field. And yes, I'm asked a smile So the pain inside isn't revealed there, I told you. Yeah, Happy? No, I'm fine. And I promise you that I'm okay. Just please stop asking. My mind won't stop screaming. It keeps saying Don't believe what I say but you won't hear it because I stay quiet If you look into my eyes still speak But they remain silent I forced to laugh at jokes that are told and I fake a smile when I feel myself start to unfold Some days I want to live and others I want to die. The truth is I'm just afraid of the pain of suicide. I don't remember what it's like to be happy to want to keep going with my days become crappy. As for the world, I see it in black and white. No colours, nothing more. When I eat, my food tastes bland and my appetite is poor. I guess I'm doing okay As long as I smile. People believe me for a short while my smiles become automatic. But trust me, this isn't going to be problematic. Therapy in the beginning has helped a bit. I was doing fine. I had hope. But then as we all know, things go to ****. I'm open and honest. But you see, in the beginning things seemed to get better And I want to fix me. I see color so vibrant, so real. This warm feeling is something that I always want to feel. This is just a tease. I know it won't last long but honestly, I wish I were wrong. I deny the inevitable and I lied to myself and hopes that my happiness will start to excel. But soon darkness creeps in and the colors go away. I suffer yet again with the same pain day after day There's nowhere to run and nowhere to hide Please believe me because trust me, I've tried. I no longer cry I have no tears to shed And all I can hear is the screaming in my head. A lot of doctors feed your medication and send you back out into the world with no hesitation. I want this just to stop and to all go away because I feel numb to the world. Each and every day when I lay in bed and fall asleep for the night, I just want to sleep forever and no longer fight. But somewhere deep down, I truly want to live. I'm afraid I'll miss out on the good that life has to give. Depression and despair hurts more deeper in our soul races as a whole. Then we lose control. We can be fixed. You just need to want to with the right people. I know they can help you. It isn't too late to get the help that you need to fight past the heart to help you succeed. I found help, but it wasn't easy for me. I know you're hurt, but you matter, and you deserve to be happy. Mhm.