Excerpt from Overcoming a Narcissistic Relationship
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Chapter five Difference between narcissism and ego centrism, We see the world from the inside out, a reality that leads everyone to be self centered. The technical term for this is ego centrism as a cognitive bias, ego centrism describes the natural restriction on our empathetic caused by the easy fact that we can just see the world from our viewpoint. It takes special effort to see the world from any perspective. Aside from through our eyes, the fundamental ego centrism developed into our cognitive apparatus became an essential part of swiss, psychologist, jean Piaget, jay's theory about kid advancement. In observing kids explain the way a small table sized design of a mountain may look to someone else. PJ found that before the age of two this seemingly simple job was remarkably challenging. Young kids seem cognitively unable to take the perspective of another person. This truth by the way, makes them easy to beat at a two person perspective game such as checkers. They can't imagine what the board looks like to you and as a result will make mistakes caused by their assumptions that you see what they see. Although we all outgrow this stage of development, even adults find it difficult to conquer the cognitive kind of ego centrism entirely. You can prove this with a straightforward experiment of yourself, take a skill that you have at well experienced job that you can quickly do effectively. Now try to explain that work to somebody who's never tried the job at all. Consider something as essential as making a cup of coffee or hammering a nail or imagine something more complex, such as preserving a computer system file, establishing a printer or beginning an email, whatever the task, imagine that your job is to tell somebody how to do it. The majority of people find it difficult to handle. The view of someone who knows nothing about this well mastered ability. Even if you think you're great at laying out the actions in this job that comes so fast to you, possibilities are that you will not be able to eliminate your knowledge of the task or memory of the actions needed to bring it out before you can teach it to anybody else. We don't ever ultimately grow out of the youthful form of ego centrism called the fictional audience. If you've used up a new sport or chosen to start learning how to dance, you may have often felt that everybody's eyes were on you as you fell or just looked awkward feeling that everyone is looking at you. The embarrassment becomes excessive. What you failed to know is that everybody else feels similarly awkward and ashamed. In truth, they're not taking a look at you at all because they're so worried about their performance as Ann Landers. Once mentioned At age 20, we worry about what others believe of us At 40. We do not care what they think about us at 60. We discover they haven't been thinking about us at all