Hitchikers excerpt, complete with voices, accents and narration
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EnglishVoice Age
Middle Aged (35-54)Accents
British (England - Cockney, Estuary, East End) British (General)Transcript
Note: Transcripts are generated using speech recognition software and may contain errors.
The time is nearly Apollo. Hello. Hello. Hello. 75,000 generations ago, our ancestors had this program in motion and in all that time, there are of course many problems connected with life. Some of the most popular. Why are people born? Why do they die? And why do they want to spend so much of the intervening time wearing digital watches? Many, many millions of years ago, a race of hyper intelligent pan dimensional beings whose physical manifestation in their own is not dissimilar to our own. Their favorite pastime lights flash. So they decided to sit down and communication channel. Good morning themselves. Supercomputer. Good morning, which was so amazingly intelligent, even been connected up and started as far as the existence of rice income tax before anyone managed men, shivered with expectancy. It was the site of a small city. Its main console was installed and especially executive mounted on an enormous executive finest with the ultra the dark carpeting, discreetly sumptuous, exotic plants and the principal computer programs and their families were deployed liberally about stately windows, Children out upon and you're really ready to give it to us on the day of the Great to so many dress programs, briefcases arrived into the office. I don't think they were aware that this day they would represent in its greatest moment and they conducted themselves, they say to themselves differentially before now, open their briefcases and took out their names and settled into silence again for a few moments. They sat in then after exchanging a glance with, well, you're really not going to like it observed. Deep thought hums. Alright. Indicated that the massive computer to the great question. After a pause, it spoke to them in the universe and everything it said, yes. What is the task for which i the second years computer in the universe, space and time into existence? Quill and food and calm. You'll task. A computer began fig now, wait a minute. This isn't right. Said, look, we're worried. We distinctly designed this computer to be the greatest one ever and we're not making do with second best deep thought. He addressed the computer. Are you not as we designed you to be the greatest, most powerful computer in all time? I describe myself as the second greatest intern deep thought and such. I am another worried look passed between the two programmers cleared his throat. There must be some mistake. He said, are you not a great computer than the male Yard Garden to brain? Which can count all the atoms in a star in a millisecond. The mill yard gargantua brain said deep thought with unconcealed contempt. A mere abacus mentioned it not. And are you not said fuk leaning anxiously forward, a greater analyst than the Google Plex star thinker in the seventh galaxy of light and ingenuity which can calculate the trajectory of every single dust particle throughout a five week. Dangler bad better. Sand Blizzard, a five week sand blizzard said deep thought haughtily. You ask this of me who have contemplated the very vectors of the atoms in the Big Bang itself? More or less me. Not with this pocket calculator stuff. The two programmers sat in uncomfortable silence for a moment. Then Lunk will lean forward again. But are you not? He said a more fiendish disputed than the great Hyperloop omni cognitive neutron Wrangler of cis erroneous 12. The magic and indefatigable. The great hypovolemic omni cognitive neutron Wrangler said deep thought, thoroughly rolling. The eyes could talk all four legs of an octo Rian mega donkey, but only I could persuade it to go for a walk afterwards. Then what asked is the problem? There is no problem. Said deep thought with magnificent ringing tones. I am simply the second greatest computer in the universe of space and time, but the second insisted Lunk. Well, why do you keep saying second, you're surely not thinking of the multi core to coin purse. Puke. A Tron Titan Miller, are you or the pond? A Matic or the contemptuous lights flashed across the computers console. I span not a single unit of thought on the cybernetic simpleton Z boomed. I speak of none. But the computer that is to come after me was losing patience. He pushed his notebook aside and muttered. I think this is getting needlessly Messianic, you know, nothing of future time, pronounced deep thought. And yet in my teeming circuitry, I can navigate the infinite delta streams of future probability and see that there must one day common computer whose nearest operational parameters I am not worthy to calculate. But which it will be my fate. Eventually to design food sighed heavily and glanced across the lung. Quill. Can we get on and off the question? He said, lunk will motioned for him to wait. What is his computer? Which you speak? He asked, I will speak of it no further in this present time. Said deep thought. Now ask what else of me? You will that I may function speak. They shrugged at each other and food composed himself. ODed thought computer. He said, the task we have designed you to perform is this. We want you to tell us the answer. The answer said, deep thought, the answer to what life the universe said. Long quill. Everything they said in chorus, deep thought, paused for a moment's reflection tricky. He said finally, but can you do it again? A significant pause. Yes. Said, deep thought I can do it is an answer. Said fuk with breathless excitement. His simple answer added link will. Yes. Said deep thought life, the universe and everything. There is an answer. But he added, I'll have to think about it. A sudden commotion destroyed the moment the door flew open and two angry men wearing the course faded blue robes and belts of the Crocs, Juan University burst into the room thrusting aside the ineffectual flunkies who tried to bar their way. We had a bad vision. Shouted the younger of the two men elbowing a pretty young secretary in the throat. Come on, shout the other one. You can't keep us out. He pushed a junior programmer back through the door. We demand that you can't keep us out board. The younger one that he was now firmly inside the room and no further attempts were being made to stop him. Who are you said lung full, rising, angry from his seat. What do you want? I am magic. These announced the older one and I demand where I'm room Fondle shouted the younger one. Magic. These turned on room Fondle. It's alright. He explained. You don't need to demand that. All right, I am the room fondle and that is not demand. That is a solid fact. What we demand is solid facts. No, we don't explain magic. These that is precisely what we don't demand. We don't demand solid facts. We demand is a total absence of solid facts. I demand that I may or may not be vroom Fondle but he's a devil. Liar. Exclaimed an outraged. We said magic things are philosophers though we may not be. Yes, we are. We are quite definitely here as representatives of the amalgamated ***** of philosophers, SAGES and luminaries and other thinking persons. And we want this machine off and we want it off. Now. What's the problem said? Lunk. Well, I'll tell you what the problem is. Mate said. Magic fees, demarcation. That's the problem. We demand that demarcation may or may not be a problem. You just let the machines get on with adding up and we'll take care of the eternal verities. Thank you very much. You want to check your legal position. You do mate under law. The quest for ultimate truth is clearly the inalienable prerogative of your working fingers. Any bloody machine goes and actually finds it and we're straight out of a job, aren't we? I mean, what's the use of our sitting up off the night arguing that there may or may not be a God if this machine only goes and gives us his bleeding phone number the next morning. That's right. We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty. Suddenly a stentorian voice boomed across the room. Might I make an observation at this point? We go on strike. That's right. Agreed. Magic. These, you'll have a national philosopher strike on your ends. The hum level in the room suddenly increased as several ancillary based driver units mounted incidently carved and varnished cabinet speakers around the room cut in to give deep thoughts, voice a little more power. All I wanted to say below the computer is that my circuits are now irrevocably committed to the calculating the answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe and everything. He paused and satisfied himself that he now had everyone's attention before continuing more quietly. But the program will take me a little while to run fruit. Glanced impatiently at his watch. How long? He said, 7.5 million years said, deep thought, Uncle and Fuk blinked at each other. 7.5 million years. They cried in chorus. Yes, indeed. Thought. I said, I'd have to think about it, didn't I? And it occurs to me that running a program like this is bound to create an enormous amount of popular publicity for the whole area of philosophy in general. Everyone's going to have their own theories about whatever it is I come up with and who better to capitalize on the media market than you yourself. So long as you keep disagreeing with each other violently enough and slagging each other off in popular press. Who can keep yourself on the gravy train for life? How does that sound? The two philosophers gaped at it. Bloody **** said magic fees. Now that is what I call thinking. Yeah. Bring Fondle. Why do we never think of things like that? You know, I think our brains must be two highly trained magic fees. So saying, they turned on their heels and walked out the door and into a lifestyle beyond their wildest dreams. The time is nearly upon us said one 75,000 generations ago, our ancestors had this program in motion. And in all that time, we will be the first to hear the computer speak an awesome prospect. And we are the ones who will hear the answer to the great question of life, the universe and everything said lingual with a slight gesture. I think deep thought is preparing to speak. There was a moment expectant pause whilst panels slowly came to life in front of the console, lights flashed on and off experimentally and settled down into a business like pattern. A soft low hum came from the communication channel. Good morning. Said deep thought at last. Good morning. O deep thought said lung full nervously. Do you have? That is an answer for you. Interrupted deep thought majestically. Yes, I have. The two men shivered with expectancy. They're waiting had not been in vain. There really is one brief. There really is one to everything, to the great question of life, the universe and everything. Yes. Both of the men had been trained for this moment. Their lives had been a preparation for it. They had been selected at birth as those who would witness the answer. But even so they found themselves gasping and squirming like excited Children and you're really ready to give it to us. Urged lung full. I am. Now now said deep thought. They both licked their dry lips though. I don't think I had a deep thought that you're going to like. It doesn't matter. Said, we must know it. Now, now inquired deep thought. Yes. Now, all right, said the computer and settled into silence again, The two men fidgeted. The tension was unbearable. You're really not going to like it observed. Deep thought. Tell us alright. So deep thoughts, the answer to the great question. Yes, of life, the universe and everything. Yes is, yes, is yes. 42 said deep thought with infinite majesty and calm.