First two pages of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies
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EnglishVoice Age
Young Adult (18-35)Accents
North American (General)Transcript
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Chapter One. It is a truth universally acknowledged that a zombie in possession of brains must be in want of more brains. Never was this truth more plain than during the recent attacks at Netherfield Park, in which a household of 18 was slaughtered and consumed by a horde of the living dead. My dear Mr Bennet, said his lady to him one day, Have you heard that Netherfield Park is occupied again? Mr Bennett replied that he had not, and went about his morning business of dagger sharpening and musket polishing for attacks by the unmentionables had grown alarmingly frequent in recent weeks. But it is returned she. Mr Bennett made no answer. Do you not want to know who has taken it? Cried his wife impatiently. Woman, I am attending to my musket prattle on! If you must believe me to the defense of my estate. This was invitation enough. Why, my dear Mrs Long says that Netherfield is taken by a young man of large fortune, that he escaped London in a chase and four, just as a strange plague broke through the Manchester line. What is his name? Bingley? A single man of four or 5000 year! What a fine thing for our girls! How so can he train them in the ways of swordsmanship and musket tree? How can you be so tiresome? You know that I am thinking of his marrying one of them marriage in times. Such as these! Surely! This Bingley has no such designs designs. Nonsense! How can you talk so? It is very likely that he may fall in love with one of them, and therefore you must visit him as soon as he comes. I see no occasion for that. And besides, we mustn't busy the roads more than absolutely necessary, lest we lose more horses and carriages to the unfortunate scourge that has so troubled our beloved Hartford shirt of late. But consider your daughters! I am considering them silly woman. I would much prefer their minds. Be engaged in the deadly arts, and clouded with dreams of marriage and fortune as your own. So clearly is. Go and see this Bingley, if you must, though I warn you that none of our girls has much to recommend them. They are all silly and ignorant like their mother. The exception being lizzie, who has something more of the killer instinct than her sisters. Mr Bennet, how can you abuse your own Children in such a way? You take delight in vexing me. You have no compassion for my poor nerves. You mistake me, my dear. I have a high respect for your nerves. They are my old friends. I have heard of little else these last 20 years, at least. Mr Bennett was so odd. A mixture of quick parts sarcastic humor, reserve and self discipline at the experience of three and 20 years had been insufficient to make his wife understand his character. Her mind was less difficult to develop. She was a woman of mean, understanding little information and uncertain temper. When she was discontented she fancied herself nervous, and when she was nervous, as she was nearly all the time since the first outbreak of the strange plague. In her youth, she sought solace and the comfort of the traditions, which now seemed mere trifles to others. The business of Mr Bennett's life was to keep his daughters alive. The business of Mrs Bennett's was to get them married.