Full Podcast Episode Example
Description
Vocal Characteristics
Language
EnglishVoice Age
Middle Aged (35-54)Accents
North American (General)Transcript
Note: Transcripts are generated using speech recognition software and may contain errors.
And it's just about like easy banter, like feeling comfortable with someone and just hitting it off and knowing that you could talk to them for hours and hours and walking under the moon. And you know, just like having a nice time in our 21st century with all the beeping bells and whistles of modern life and modern technology. Sometimes it feels like monotony has snuffed out the fairy tale romance that we seek. So we got a treat for you. Yes, we do. We've got some tales to share and some advice to learn in this episode about dating. Hi, I'm Shana Ryan and I'm Jason Adams. And you're listening to Mobile Diaries, a new podcast brought to you by T mobile stories. In this episode. We're gonna take a crash course in online dating and uncover the meeting behind a new term. We've come across the hesitating now, back in 2019, multiple sources declared that in America, online dating was the most common way for couples to meet. But since the pandemic, a lot of things have changed and online dating is no different. So I'm excited to dive right in. What about you, Jason Well, somebody just liked me on plenty of fish. So I'm ready to swipe. Right. Have you been on this for a long time? Uh, no comment. Oh, my goodness. So, dating culture, I think is really an interesting topic. Post pandemic and dating apps are something that people have used for a long time now. But the way that they use them once COVID hit, that's a whole different story. Wouldn't you agree? I mean, we've been looking at this from all different angles and everything has changed everything that we thought and the way that we user devices in January of 2020 we've become completely different creatures. We're almost like different cyborgs that have been created over the last two years of having to join this digital society and all of us to be these mobile gurus in our everyday lives. Yeah. You know, I like this topic because I became acquainted with online dating in the dark ages in 2003 when most people didn't even know what it was. But then that there was a second part, a really expedited evolution. I even dare call it a revolution in online dating that happened once the pandemic hit. And so we've got a lot to talk about with an expert who's been watching this very closely to talk a little bit about what that revolution evolution has been and really why it happened. How's that? Is that better? I'm really, really excited to welcome our guest star for this episode. Hi, Kate mclean from Plenty of Fish. Welcome to Mobile Diaries. Kate. Thank you so much for having me. Oh, my gosh. Ok. This is gonna be a really fun episode. And Kate while we have you here as a real dating expert on the show today. Like I said, I like to consider myself an accidental historian of digital dating since I met my husband through an online dating service. And this was way back when a now very well known dating company was still in its beta phase. I didn't pay a dime to take this service and I married the guy that I was matched with wink, wink snot. Uh Everyone thought I was crazy, Kate, everyone thought I was insane for using the services. But clearly things are a lot different than back in 2003 and even a lot different since 2019. And Kate mclean, you're public relations manager at the popular online dating service. Plenty of fish. You also run through trends and advice for those exploring the dating scene and you know, a thing or two about match mating, right? I definitely do. Yeah, I've been at plenty of fish for seven years and in the dating industry for nine. So I've, I've had my hand on the pulse for, for a long time knowing what dating trends are coming out. And so yes, I have the treasure trove of data that I can share with. You all today around the hesitate and other trends that came out due to the pandemic. What are some of the pain points that you've seen and maybe things that were a pain point that have been resolved over the last couple of years. And how has the ability of people to be carrying around this dating machine in their pocket, the smartphone through all this, how has that impacted even in the scope of time? You've been at plenty of fish. So plenty of fish was actually a desktop first dating experience. And Shana, you might know that we, we were founded in 2003, but we had to pivot quickly because mobile devices became the number one way to communicate. So we actually took plenty of fish desktop and made that into a mobile app. We've been seeing a lot of pivoting towards video over the course of the pandemic. So I I don't know about you, but before the pandemic, you would use your phone to probably message or text. Phone calling was like very old school, right? You wouldn't want to phone call your date. Now because of the pandemic, we've seen such a shift and like you do with your work, you're on Zoom a lot of the time to have that face to face, meeting with maybe your boss or your colleague. It kind of worked the same way and dating apps had to pivot really quickly during the course of the pandemic to allow singles to still feel like they were connected. But from a distance, especially during those times where some of us were in lockdown for months. So we couldn't actually leave our homes, we couldn't go to in person dates. So we relied on our mobile devices to stay in touch whether that was through dating apps, um and video chatting or live streaming to create the experiences that singles can still stay connected or feel like they're making connections from afar. I think we're starting to get a sense of how plenty of fish is different from perhaps other dating platforms. Could you fill that in a little bit more for us? How it's different? What sets you apart? What makes plenty of fish, plenty of fish. So a lot of other dating apps will have kind of like a picture, the person's height and perhaps their name, plenty of fish. We actually have a full box that you can fill out about yourself and give people a really good taste of who you are. You know, that reminds me we recently spoke to a young woman named a beer Yusuf. You heard her off the top of the show there talking about walking under the moon. A beer is a single globe trotting millennial and she did a stint in Bombay during the pandemic. She had a lot to say about the various tools and filters on dating apps. So the dating apps I use typically what you have to, you do is you sort of like suss out people, what they look like. I don't really care much for the way people look and I care a lot more about how they answer questions. So the really neat thing about apps these days is that they recognize that having prompts and giving people prompts to answer helps you discern a little bit more about people's personalities. So that then helps me make a decision if I want to swipe, right? It doesn't even have to end up as like dates or whatever. Just good connections. I made so many good friends this trip around. I love what she said there about how it's not all about how people just look for her. It's more about how they show up how they answer questions and respond to prompts Kate. What's the plenty of fish stance on people just using dating apps to find friendships like a beer mentioned, you know, not necessarily dates, just authentic connections because I think that was part of the picture for a lot of people during the pandemic. So being one of the first in the industry, we have a lot of members. So we call ourselves a singles community. And it's actually a place where we try and provide low pressure dating experiences. So like-minded people can find one another. So what I mean by low pressure is a great example is in 2019, we actually removed all face filters from our plenty of fish profiles. What a genius thing to do because the issue of cat fishing, that's something that's always concerned people, what it had to do with any kind of digital, right? Like catfish, the show came out and everyone was suddenly like a gas. Like, am I being scammed? Well, at the end of the day too, is most daters just want to see the real You. We actually did a survey as well and I believe it was 84% of singles are creating more authenticity in dating. And so we said, OK, how do we help create a more authentic dating experience? And I know we're in this world where face tuning is such a big deal or even than just trying to delete some of the things you have on your face, like a pimple or making yourself look more tanned. There's so many things that we can do to, to try and manipulate the way we look. But that was one of the ways that we could eliminate these kind of fake looking pictures of ourselves and create a more authentic community. All right. So on that note about authenticity, I want to share something a beer said about some of the downsides of online dating apps. You need to have these apps on your phone and they're so convenient, right? But unfortunately, what also tends to happen is that the Gamification of these apps is also an issue Right. Because you, at some point when you're swiping so fast, you actually forget that they are real human beings. Some who may not appear to be that nice but might actually be lovely people and some who probably seem great on text but are terrible in person. As I've lived to find out, I have a friend in New York and she met someone on a dating app, I won't mention in this conversation and the date wasn't going really well. And the guy was kind of, you know, it was hard to get a read on him. They stopped for like a slice of pizza. You know, he spent like all of $3 on her and they finally arrived at the destination, which was supposed to be a bit of a surprise and it's a comedy club they go in and he doesn't offer to buy her a drink or anything. It's like super, super weird and then he says, hold on, I'll be right back. She looks on stage and he's getting on stage to do a set. He literally brought his audience with him. She was like, she was like, I'm out. Ok. Wait, it really quickly, Kate, I'm sure that you hear these kinds of tales of unexpected twists and turns when people finally meet after connecting on an app, right? Like that's not unheard of and that's probably not changed before or after the pandemic, right? Like that's always going to be a symptom of digital dating. Yeah. And I think it's, it's a symptom of dating period. Right. It's not always just digital dating. And I was about to say personally, I'm not the only person within my larger friends circle who married their match or whoever. Like I hear a lot of great stories or if it wasn't even marriage, it was like long term relationships. Yeah. And there's been so much success from, from dating and like you said, it's all word of mouth too. Like Shana, you had a really successful experience. You're gonna probably tell that successful story to like 10 of your best friends, those best friends are then going to share that story to 15 other people. And so one when it works, it works well. I think what really fascinates me now in this world is some of the data. Ja and I have reported out in a story we wrote on T Mobile's newsroom and it comes from surveys that we take about our customers, phone use habits. Now it was interesting how many people are one using dating apps, right? And then to see how many of those people say they've also downloaded video chat platforms. You know, there's so many now and something that many of the dating apps themselves, I think noticed as well because now just like plenty of fish, there's so many video chat offers, right? Or voice chat services within the apps themselves. And I think that hints to an important shift, as you said, in the intention a dating app user may have when it comes to meeting someone special. Yeah, people just don't want to waste their time anymore. We, we've become so much clearer on what we are looking for during the course of that two year and feeling lonely and maybe you were in a relationship during the pandemic and you ended it. That's something we actually call resigning at plenty of fish is kind of like the great resignation that you see in the workforce. We actually saw that in our trends as well resigning. So that would be, you know, gaining clarity that you're actually not supposed to be with that person that you probably have been with for the last 5 to 10 years. You know, you were stuck in this house with somebody. So you lived with that person for a lot of time, like I live with my partner and we actually gain closer during COVID. But I can only imagine and how certain couples drifted apart because they saw so much more of one another and they weren't at work for eight hours a day for that break. They were actually beside each other working at the same workstation or they had much less room in their apartment depending on where they live. So we definitely saw that. We even saw that with celebrity couples too. I think we saw a ton of divorce announcements during COVID as well, because you're spending all your time with that one person. So it gives you clarity. Please leave me a message after the tongue. You're listening to Mobile Diaries, a podcast brought to you by T Mobile Stories. We're exploring the fascinating stories of how mobile technology has shaped our lives, especially in the last 2.5 years and how we can learn to use our devices without them using us. So follow us on Apple podcasts or wherever you get your shows so that you can follow us on our mobile diary journey. You can also check out our website mobile diaries podcast dot com if you're happy with your message, press one. All right. So we're talking about phones, mobile apps and how they contribute to our dating lives. And along for the ride is Kate mclay from plenty of fish sitting shotgun. So, Kate, this is the part where we want to crack into how the pandemic has shaped the dating world. How have things shifted in the last couple of years. Yes. So we've definitely seen dating apps, pivot to video dating offerings. So before the pandemic, you rarely saw people using video to actually date. I think we had, we did a survey for this and it was before isolation, only 26% of singles actually use video to, to chat or get to know each other. Now, it's over 60% are using video to chat and get to know each other. So we've definitely seen singles do that. We've also seen a trend that we like to call communi dating, which came out of the pandemic. And because singles were feeling a little bit lonely during these times, I think we all where it's not just singles as everybody was feeling lonely to a degree. We started seeing a lot of friendships actually being made through dating apps as well, which is really cool. Yeah. And of course, that's something we heard earlier from a beer, you know, who told us it's all about making authentic connections. I have a question for you. So, digging a bit more into the data, you talked about how people are using video with more intentionality or, you know, using video at all. Obviously, everyone's locked at home and not everyone can learn how to make sourdough bread or learn how to play the guitar. Yeah. So maybe, maybe dating apps become your hobby, your pandemic hobby. And I hope people are successful. But I was just wondering if you saw any of those trends on your end where there was a dramatic increase or even a dramatic decrease. Yes. So we definitely saw an increase and one area that we saw that increase, which I can share some data on is our live streaming feature. We rolled that out immediately. It was March of 2020. So peak peak pandemic, everybody going into isolation and that feature itself wasn't actually supposed to be rolled out until August. So we had to completely move it up and, and Jason, like you say, you know, trying to figure out this new normal, took us a little bit of time. Um I know myself, like it took me a little bit to figure out my work from home station. So when it comes to dating, I think when we rolled out that live streaming feature, we actually saw a really early adoption from a younger age demographic. And I think it's just because younger users are more used to the live streaming feature in itself um and video in itself as well. But we saw eight million people to date try that live streaming feature and I believe it's just over five million matches have been made using that feature itself. Wow, that's amazing. You know, I want to share a bit more from our friend, a beer now who told us about her experience dating during the dark days of the pandemic and how she relied on her phone to get through it during that part of lockdown when we were about to get our vaccinations. I did hop on these apps and it was mostly just to connect with like-minded individuals. And so I definitely took a couple of phone calls with people and that was great phone in my dating life is actually like essential, obviously, like, I wouldn't be able to do anything if I didn't have my phone. The really neat thing about apps during the pandemic for someone like me who cares about vaccinations and stuff was that sites in certain countries actually allowed you to mention what your comfort level of meeting someone in person was A and B. They also allowed you to indicate whether or not you were vaccinated and and those are features that are still there. So that's been quite interesting and really helpful and also like having that little Barre meter of like, are you comfortable meeting in enclosed spaces with masks without masks, in open spaces with lots of people with less people? It, I mean, it's, it's exhausting what one has to do for romance these days. You know, Jason, I think she really nails it there. We're really in a strange new dating world right now for sure. And I know that plenty of fish headed dating trends that will define 2022 survey and there was some interesting stuff that definitely aligns with what we're talking about here with the beer. And there were a few of those terms that jumped out at me. Hesitating was one of them. But a lot of the stuff that I was seeing in that survey was interesting because it does seem to underscore that people are really relying on their smartphones and their mobile devices for this part of their life. Yeah, absolutely. I think too because the pandemic has been going on for over two years now. We've been, we've switched our routine, right. Hesitating kind of comes from, I'll define it for you all here. But basically, it's, it's not knowing whether you want to date casually or get into a relationship because life right now is very uncertain. And so what we mean by that, the last two years, we've discovered this new normal. We walked down to our desks in our homes and we're so used to video chatting. We're so used to, you know, using our devices in that way. And so now that the pandemic feels more like an endemic now and we're kind of coming out of it. The thought of getting dressed up, going out, being in a crowd of people can be very overwhelming. So compare it to like, even if, even if you're going back to work, right? It's like, oh, I need to think of my first day outfit. It's almost like you're going back to school for the first time. So we see this hesitating happening because I think people are just a little nervous to put themselves back out there again after being in their homes and, you know, being in their comfy sweats for the last two years. And that's a routine we've become accustomed to. Your first day of school analogy is funny because I imagine the awkwardness of two people showing up with like new pencil cases to their date. Isn't this how this works though? It's 2022. Come on. That would be a great icebreaker. I always say, acknowledge, acknowledge the awkwardness if you can because I think it just puts you both on the same page. I've gone on first dates before where I've been like, hey, let's just level set. I'm pretty nervous and they're like, honestly same and I'm so happy you said that. So it does, it does break the ice a lot if you mention it. Well, another term that I really loved was photo, right? Like Fear of dating again because that's exactly what it is, right? It's just like you, it's been a while getting dressed up and putting your best self forward is a little like daunting when you've always had a filter or a camera that you can turn off when you're doing a meeting. Have there been any others other than the ones that you've already, you know, told us kindly? Yeah, one that we actually really find quite funny right now is called Baying. So if you know the term Bay, it's like your boo your boo thing or your part. Um So we actually saw this trend happening, especially among the younger Genz demographic, but vacationing is basically like going on vacation with somebody you just started dating and we're seeing this now because we have been inside for these last two years that I think people are just ready to just go for it and what better way of getting to know someone than going on a two day trip Wow. I love that. Very ambitious. On the other hand, something like that could go horribly wrong Kate. Since you're here. Do you have any advice for our friend to beer? What could she do to spruce up her online dating game? I think a creative date spot. Kind of doing something different from just the sit down restaurant date. Perhaps you pick an activity that you both mutually enjoy and find that out and then book you something like maybe it's tickets to see a show. Maybe it's, you know, maybe it's comedy, maybe it's um a live, a live theater show. I think doing something that you're mutually into will definitely help break the ice on a first date. And we asked a beer how she'd feel about that and she was pretty honest with us. Uh So I'd be a bit, I'd be a bit reluctant to follow through on this advice, but I wouldn't mind giving it a shot. As Gregory says, my personality is I'm very shy when it comes to boys and making the first move. So I would be a bit reticent around like saying, oh, I wanna do this and stuff. I mean, I can definitely relate to what she said about being hesitant to plan something extravagant. You know, it can be really hard to put all your cards on the table like that. Is there anything that you would give concrete real examples of waste kind of breakthrough that hesitate archetype and, and push forward after this pandemic has kind of left us a little skittish absolutely with anything. Uh, when you want to get to the root, the problem, what helps myself and what helps other singles is literally writing down a list. Why am I feeling this way? Do I actually like this person? Am I liking them out of loneliness? How have my priorities in dating shifted? Am I really looking for something like it? Do I do? I want to, to be in a relationship right now. And I think writing down that list of pros and cons of what you're looking for is such a good way to visualize it. And obviously too, it's, it's all about self reflection asking yourself these questions, talking to friends, talking to a therapist if you, if you want to go that route too. Um There's many ways that you can kind of crack this hesitating feeling by just getting to the root of why you're feeling that way. Well, here's a beer again and it turns out with a little time. She actually came up with a really great idea for a date if first came to shove. And I was asked to uh plan an activity that I would ask the person if they had a library card. I actually had this as a plan to go out with someone. I can't even remember who because this is maybe 58 online people ago. Um that I was going to go out with someone and help them sign up for a library card, which was going to be for me a great experience because I love signing people up to the library and then sort of exploring the library and what they have to offer and take photos of books and, you know, find cookie titles and funny little texts and stuff. That would be, I think a very cute, see, romantic little thing followed by like some sort of a meal. All right. All right. Uh The library. Jason, not my favorite idea, but your dream date sounds like one for the books. OK. Exactly. I just think I would giggle through the entire date. So, I mean, it's not everyone's cup of tea, right? No, it's not. But I mean, the point is, and I guess for all of us to think about when we're on our dates that make us comfortable. This is a beer's dream date. That's part of the date. Like it's a shtick. It makes you both laugh. It kind of puts you at ease even though I would rather eat glass than go to the library for my first time. Um Kate. Well, Shana chews on a bottle here. Um Another thing that we've been talking about and looking at is the idea of virtual intimacy, which is, you know, obviously different from what a beer is doing here, meeting someone in the library in her comfort zone. Can you help us define virtual intimacy a little bit. You know, it, it might sound a little strange to people, you know, this idea of being apart but being together. Yeah. So virtual intimacy is really fascinating and something that we surveyed single Americans on during the course of the pandemic. See how are you staying intimate during these times when some of us are in lockdown? And we actually saw that the majority of singles were using tech to be intimate, whether it was sexually intimate or emotionally intimate or intellectually intimate. And what we noticed in the data is that it actually changed their perception of what intimacy is. So I think a lot of us maybe pre pandemic, put a lot of value in physical intimacy, but post pandemic or during this kind of time in which we surveyed people, I believe as June 2021 their entire mindset shifted and they noticed and they put more value into emotional intimacy and intellectual intimacy. Is there a way that you would describe intentionally dating today? Do you feel like the intentionality is still there? What we've kind of come across in the last 2.5 years? Is it evolving again? Are are there any new changes or new trends that you see popping up? Um Being intentional when you're dating is not just popping into your dating app and you know, mindlessly scrolling. I find the best thing you can do is designate or fit it in your routine, you pop into your dating app and you set a goal for yourself. I'm gonna, I'm gonna send 10 messages tonight to people that I fancy based on their profile and then maybe you have a designated date. So for example, Thursday and that's the night, you know that you're going on a date and maybe you want to pop into your dating app, you know, Monday, Tuesday to create those first messages. And that is how you intentionally date by setting goals for yourself in your dating journey and sticking to them. Because like whatever effort you're putting into your dating experience, you will see reflected in what you get out of it, Kate, we're so grateful to you for coming here and talking to us about a really interesting topic, social topic, but a technology topic as well of how people have been using apps, like plenty of fish to better their lives and also learn a few tips and tricks on how to do it the best way so that it's not overwhelming or taxing. This should be fun as you said. I love that. Yeah. Well, thank you so much for having me. It's been so much fun talking about plenty of fish and, and giving all the advice that I can to singles today. So thanks so much again for having me on. Thank you for joining us, Kate though. It can seem like our modern day romance is boxed in with zeros and ones. Hopefully we can see a healthy and mindful relationship to online dating and our phones going forward today. Our guest was Kate mclean, the public relations manager for plenty of fish and a special thanks to a Beer Yusuf, our Globe trotting library, loving millennial for sharing her thoughts on online dating during and after the pandemic. I'm Shana Ryan and I'm Jason Adams listening to mobile diaries, a show brought to you by T Mobile Stories with production support from Jar Audio. Join us in our next episode where we speak to a digital nomad, but it's not someone you would expect from the young beach going social media fueled remote work movement. I mean, I had sold off 30 years of my life. I didn't even have a home anymore. So don't forget to hit follow on Apple podcasts or wherever you get your shows. And if you like today's episode, leave a review for us, we'd love to know what you think until then. Thanks for listening.