Self Help Audiobook read
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EnglishVoice Age
Young Adult (18-35)Accents
North American (General) North American (US General American - GenAM)Transcript
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emotional responsiveness, the key to a lifetime of love. A person's heart withers if it does not answer another heart. Pearl s. Buck. Tim and Sarah are sitting in my office. Tim isn't sure why he's here. All he knows, he says, is that he and Sarah have had a brutal fight. She's accused him of ignoring her at a party and is threatening to take their child and move in with her sister. He doesn't understand they have a good marriage. Sarah is just being too immature and expects too much. She doesn't get how pressured he is at work and that he can always remember the hearts and flowers part of marriage. Tim turns in his chair and stares out the window with a What can you do with such a woman expression on his face. Tim's complaints awaken Sarah from a despairing trance. She announces in an acid tone that Tim is not as smart as he thinks he is. In fact, she tells him he is a communication Creighton, who has zero skills. But sadness overwhelms her, and she murmurs in a voice that I can hardly hear that Tim is a stone who turns away when she is dying, she should never have married him. She weeps. How have they arrived at this point? Sarah, a small, dark haired woman, and Tim, a stylishly groomed man, have been married for three years. They have been successful work colleagues and happy play partners, well matched in scale and energy. They have a new house and an 18 month old daughter whom Sarah has taken time off from work to care for. And now they're sparring all the time. All I hear is that I am home too late, and I am working too hard, Tim says in exasperation. But I am working for us. You know, Sarah mutters that there is no us. You say that you don't know me anymore, Tim continues. Well, this is what grown up love is all about. It's about making compromises and being buddies. Sarah bites her lip and replies, You didn't even take time off to be with me when I had the miscarriage. It's all deals and compromises with you. She shakes her head. I feel so hopeless when I can't get through to you. I have never felt so lonely, not even when I lived alone. Sarah's message is urgent, but Tim doesn't get it. He finds her too emotional, but that is the point. We are never more emotional than when our primary love relationship is threatened. Sarah desperately needs to reconnect with Tim. Tim is desperately afraid that he has lost that intimacy with Sarah. Connection is vital to him as well, but his need for connection is masked by talk of compromise and growing up. He tries to dismiss Sarah's concerns to keep everything calm and on track. Can they begin to emotionally here each other again? Can they be tuned in once more? How can I help them? The beginning of E. F. T. My understanding of how to help couples like Sarah and Tim began slowly. I knew that listening to an expanding on key emotions was essential to change with the individuals who came to me for counseling. So when I began to work with distressed couples on hot summer afternoons in Vancouver, Canada, in the early 19 eighties, I recognize the same emotions and how they seem to create the music for the dance between partners. But my session seemed to swing between emotional chaos and silence. Very soon I was spending every morning in the university library searching for direction for a map to the dramas that played out in my office. The material that I found mostly said that love was a relevant or impossible to understand, and also that strong emotions were obviously dangerous and best left alone, offering insights to couples, as some of these books suggested insights like How we seem to repeat our parental relationships with our lovers didn't seem to change much My attempts to get