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Go to magic mine dot co slash stressed and get 40% off your subscription for the next 10 days with my code and stressed 20 with magic mind, you'll have the energy and focus. You need to tackle even the busiest days with ease. So don't wait and try magic mind today and see the benefits for yourself. That's W W W dot M A G I C M I N D dot C O forward slash stressed. You're listening to the motherhood unstrung podcast and I'm your host, Liz Carlyle, thank you so much for tuning in. I am so glad you're here As always this week, I'm speaking with Children's author Julia Barbaro Julia is a mother of six and wife to Gino Barbaro. They host the Julia and Gino podcast and in this episode, Julia is sharing her insights, unconscious and intentional parenting and what makes for a happy marriage and life and she definitely knows what she's talking about. She has home schooled all six of her Children and learned a lot of lessons along the way. So, in this episode we're talking about the importance of being present in the moment and connecting with your Children on a deeper level. Also the role of communication and intuition in a marriage and how the mother in particular really drives the emotional barometer in the home. So you can either be a force for good or a force of destruction as we all know. And so this, this is a really excellent conversation. I think it's going to re motivate you to take some time to ground yourself to nurture yourself so that you feel better in your body, but also that you're walking into the room um to meet your Children to meet your spouse from a place of grounded nous and calm and love. Um, and from there all things are possible and we really do shape our families into into our highest selves, you know, individually and as a whole. So I hope you enjoy this message with Julia. I thoroughly enjoyed speaking with her. I totally filled my cup just by having this conversation. So my goal, of course, is that it does that for you as well. So please enjoy this episode with Julia Barbaro. Hello Julia, Welcome to the show. I'm so glad that you're here, Liz. Thanks for having me. I'm super excited to talk to you today and hopefully bring value to your listeners. Absolutely. Um, so I was gonna start with the origin story of the guest and something that kind of hit me when I was crafting the questions for this episode is, you know, what, what were the specific events that led you to the work you're doing now? I'd like to say that, but it also kind of strikes me is how did the work find you like, it's also that duality there. So talk to us about that And and how it led to you to what you're doing now. Sure, well I do. I'm married to Gino, my husband for 24 years. We have six Children. I decided when we got married and you know, we talked about it and I wanted to be a stay at home mom. I wanted to be home raising my family. We didn't plan on home schooling, but that just worked for our family. And so we went down that adventure which is an adventure in and of itself aside from having 66 Children. But I just, I loved it and it became who we were as a family. And it just, it was, it was incredible. It's not for everyone, I want to put that out there, but for us it worked and I'm thankful that I, you know, persevered through it. It's 100% difficult, but it really did open my eyes to just watching Children grow up, their struggles me as a mom, you know, right there on the ground with them during all the you know tantrum stages of, we have five daughters. So there was a lot of that, you know, but over the years I thought as a mom to be a good wife and mother from the outside world, I had to have it all together and I had to have, you know, I had to show the world I had it all together and so I didn't complain, I didn't say anything, I didn't express, express my, you know um the difficult moments in my life and over the years my husband and I are communication wasn't so good until he went to life coach school and oh my gosh, did it change? And that was probably, I'm gonna say 15 years into our marriage because the listening aspect and we need to be taught to listen, we need to be taught to how do I listen to a person, It's not just a natural, we really need to teach people and that was my the beginning of oh my gosh life can be so much better. I didn't realize marriage can be so deep and and fulfilling and there's, there was so much more to it. And so over the little time of him and his real estate adventure, a lot of families would come up to us and say, well how do you do it? How do you, how do you raise a family, support your husband, be here at this event with us, with your kids here? How do you do all that and seem like you have it together And, and I'm like, I have to think about that. That's a great question. And so in that pondering of what do I do in my life that could benefit other people. I actually went to life coach, become a certified life coach in order to learn how to listen to people in order to learn how to speak to them, how to express what I was trying to explain because a lot of us we know what we're doing but we don't know how to explain it. And so through that is where I became, you know, my husband and I, we host a podcast together talking about business and family and we really are like raw. I'll tell you the hardest part of life and how I got through it. Um I do not hold back because we all need to hear that. We all need to hear that we don't all have it together. We're all trying to figure it out, but we're all here to support each other and we're not supposed to pretend that everything's okay, we are supposed to say, hey, I need help show me how to do it, what did you do? And that's why I'm here, I love that. It's such an honest way of coming to purposeful work. You know, you do the self healing, you do the inner work and then once you reach a certain station, you can then give back to other people. I mean that's what I tell my moms who tune into this all the time. It's like you are such a better mother, you're such a better partner when you have done your own inner work first because otherwise, you know, you're constantly strained and stressed and you can't give anything to anybody, we all know this. Do you think that you would have come to this realization, this level of self awareness if it hadn't been for your husband doing the health coaching school, um the life coaching school or do you think it would have evolved anyway because you would have just come to a point where you couldn't continue on that, that stagnant path. That's a great question, you know, it's interesting because that was the moment where I realized that I didn't know anything about life to be honest. I thought life coaches were kind of kooky, I used to make fun of him for going to school and like I don't know what you're doing, but whatever and when he came home and I saw the evidence, I saw the people that he, I mean there was an event once that I went to, it was a real estate event and I have to tell everyone that I'm I'm not a real estate person, it's not my interest at all. But the people that he attracts, he's such a good, he's such a good man. So giving that the people he attracts in his community are unbelievable. And so that's why I'm part of it because the people are just so giving and they're open to what we're talking about. Um but a couple of them came up to me and this is this is before I even thought about all of this and they, you know, this one guy, he's like, listen, I mean he literally had tears in his eyes. He's like your husband changed my life, I just want you to know that and I'm sitting on like what does he do? Like what do you mean he changed your life? What explained to me, you know, and my husband's like, I just listen, I listened to them, I understand them and then we take steps how to get unstuck or how to be a more patient person and you know, you give me examples and like I want to learn about that. I want to know about what you do. So it was because he went to coaching school that I didn't even know that world existed. You know what I mean? And so maybe I could have helped moms in a different way, but never ever in this field and never, I mean I was the shortest person you'll ever meet. I would never be on a podcast, never talk to people on the stage, never, never. And so coaching actually helped me overcome all those fears. Yeah, growth always on the other side of our comfort zone. Right, well before we get into the marriage talk, because I'm super interested in that and I know my audience is too, we're always looking to improve our own marriages for our kids, for ourselves. Um I want to talk a little bit about that homeschooling factor. I mean I did it for a little bit during the pandemic just because zoom was not working for my kids and I was like this is ridiculous. Um but after that was done I was ready to put them back to school, why have you found that homeschooling is so beneficial. What's the difference between homeschooling and traditional schooling that you have found for me? And again, it's it's this, everyone I've ever talked to in the home schooling world has always had a different reason and I think that's really, really important to know, but for me personally, it's it's a connection that I have with my kids, it's a connection that they get with me that they wouldn't have normally gotten and it's and it's the hard parts to, it's the difficult parts they see, you know the side of me that they would not have seen if they went to school that's for sure, you know all throughout my, what is it, 18 years episode? Our oldest is 23 our youngest is eight and so we've been homeschooling for 20 years and it's really been a long time, but through that time we've had babies, you know, pregnancies, newborns, toddlers, I mean you name it, we've had it and they've seen me struggle like for real and I think it had it was a connection that I didn't expect to show them because you know as a mom sometimes you want to be, I got it, I'm good you kids take you know, I don't want to show my the difficult times. But as I can talk to my older daughter who is, you know in her twenties, she saw the hard part of the motherhood, she saw the hard part of being a wife to a husband who is a go getter entrepreneur, you know what I mean, who would call me all the time. I got this great idea, let's do it. And I had like a baby in my hand and you know what I mean? I'm like, all right, let's do it. So so I got to show them a different experience of what motherhood really looked like and what it was to be a wife and to stay at home and the hard parts of it. So I think the connection that we have is something that I'm so grateful for and I didn't that wasn't my intention. It just that's how it worked. Mm I love that answer. Do you find that your Children are are better critical thinkers because they've been homeschooled? You know because I feel like in the traditional school and you go you memorize you, listen, you're quiet, you know, you're primed to be this like ideal employee in a capitalistic society. Do you find that your Children are more questioning about things or like go off on their own tangents of curiosity because I I wanna for anyone who has kids in traditional school might included like there I want to still take from what you have learned and what you're doing for your kids. Yeah. Is that is such a great question. I really, really appreciate that because that is something. And you know I remember being in school myself and there was always this one kid that would question what the teacher would say and what would happen. They would get in trouble. And after the second or third time they would question, it would be sent to the principal. They'd literally be sent out of the class for disrupting and I always as a young person found that irritating. Well I want to know the answer. He's just asked you a question, can you give us the answer and whether the teacher didn't want to, whatever the reason was. I always find that like I wonder, I wonder why he didn't just answer that question. And so as we have Children at home, especially when we're learning things, it is constant and it does get tiring and I get it. I get why the teacher didn't answer because I just want to teach my material and move on. I don't want to have to go into a discussion of why it's like that or what makes it work like that. But as the homeschool mom it happens quite often and it's that effort that we have to put into. That's why a lot of times I'm just I wish like I was supposed to go to school and learn this because it's so it's so much extra work. But that's where the kids are learning. What if I disagree with you, can you show me evidence in that? And then I'm like, alright yeah, this is it. Why don't you go write a paper, you research it, write a paper and then tell me the answer. And so we have to think outside the box and we're home because the kids are asking constantly, well why do we have to do that? Why do we have to? You know, it's always why is it like this? And you know, even the rules that we have at home or you know anything that we do at home. I'm talking even cooking cooking is part of our day. You know, we're home all day. We're italian family. So there's a lot of food going on. Well why mom? Why do you do it that way? And he'll think, huh? Show me another way. You know what I mean? So there's a lot of thinking outside the box at home, which I said before, it really gets tiring because sometimes you're just like, this is the way we're doing it because I said, so, you know, you kind of, you want to do that. But it takes a lot of patients and that's where our patients, as mothers, as women grow because we're trying to teach them all the time. But they're always home, they're always around, they're always asking questions. They're always saying no, I don't want to do it that way. I want to try it another way. Okay. And you watch them fail. You can either say, see I told you or what you learn from that. You know what I mean? So it's kind of, but again, we, I make mistakes all the time. I mean I, I do and I want to tell that to moms is that it sounds lovely what I'm saying, but it's a real challenge to live up to that. 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So be sure to download the Masa app on your smartphone and use my code motherhood and stressed 30 to save and there are days where I'm really, I'm really on top of it and and I'm helping the kids with everything I'm talking about and there are days where I'm like, I don't know, just just do it. The way I say and I think that's important to know is I can decide at the end of the day. Okay, I didn't like how I acted today. Tomorrow I'm gonna change it. Here's what I'm gonna do tomorrow. Here's how I'm gonna fix what I just said. You know, I could say, you know, Sophia, who is 16 years old. You know, you asked me about something and I was really quick to, to answer and just say it, do it my way. But what other way did you have, You know what I mean? There's never too late. It's never too late in any relationship to take back what you said in a sense of apologizing and asking forgiveness and asking can we do it? Can we talk about that again? Can we revisit that? And, and especially as a mom because we are tired, we are tired and sleep deprivation is real. You know, and sometimes we have to give ourselves a little bit of a pass and say, I'm doing the best I can with what I know right now and all the experiences we go through as moms is why we learn what we learned at the time. And I think that's important. You know, you don't have a baby and have a manual that goes with it. You have to learn all about this person that you have never met before and they're growing up and they're becoming the person that they are and you have to figure them out. I mean, there's just so much, it's beautiful and it's incredible, but it's all unknown and it's, it's incredible. Yeah. And I'm sure as a mom of six, you've seen six completely different personalities and, and, and you know purposes really while we're here. But I think truly like that is such the evolution of parenting that I'm seeing today. You know, I don't feel like not to say anything bad about my parents they were great, but they weren't equipped with that kind of thinking, you know, they would never come back the next day and be like, hey, I know I was short yesterday, let's revisit that let's talk about, that would never happen in a million years and and that's just the way that they were wired, but I love that, you know, as women now in this world, we are coming better equipped with this kind of knowledge, even with this kind of flexibility in how we approach things. I think that that so important and it's so interesting to me to watch how the kids are responding to that and really teaching us in so many situations, like I was terrified of my parents, I never wanted to set them off or you know, do anything because it was like, well they're the adults and where the kids and this is the order of things and it's, I don't know, I don't feel like that's so true anymore. Yeah. You know, I, I hear you and I think that was that was how it was for a time and, and as parents and I have to remember, you have to remember this is, I was not always like this, I was not always like this, I was, I feel like when we, when we have Children were so afraid that we're gonna mess them up and they're gonna grow up and they're gonna hate us and they're gonna blame us for everything. And so we're so careful and we're so cautious, how do I talk to my kid? Am I being too rough on them? Am I being too lenient? So we constantly question ourselves. And I know for instance, my mom is similar to what you were saying, she was single, she raised us and I think about it sometimes, you know, it was me and my sister, my brother, and we were all very different. And it's funny because we grew up in the same house with the same experiences with the same mom, same rules, everything was the same, but we all came out so different and as one might be like, I can't believe my mom let us do this or you know, she was very lenient, we could do whatever we wanted, basically, one of one of them was upset by that and I was like, I had a great childhood, I could do whatever I want, and so we have a different perspective of it and I have to remember, So this is through life coaching. I have to look at our parents situation. I had to look at my mom's situation where she was at the time, you know, and you can look at your parents and say with what knowledge they had, we don't know their fears, we don't know what they're going through, we don't know anything about the situation when they were the parents at the time when we were little and I and I would tell myself my mom handled it just like I said before my mom handled it how she knew that's all that's all she knew at the time she did the best she could with what she was given. Um I know she always loved us. I know she wanted the best for us, but that's all she knew at the time, you know, because that that helps us to heal the relationship with our, with our parents because we go through life just irritated. I can't believe they did that. I can't believe they said that to me and we realized there has to be a back story that we don't know about now. You could do something, you can ask them. You know, I've asked my mom strange questions, you know, randomly, I didn't know a lot of things that were going on in her life and so it does heal you a little bit slowly over time to say, wow, she really, she was really going through a hard time. I didn't know about that. Do you feel like it's healing for her as well when you do ask those questions and you show interest. Absolutely. Because you know, like I said before, you always worry as a mom that you're gonna mess your kids out that they're gonna, you know, blame you for all, you know, the difficult times and you know how they become and so when we do ask then we're showing them, we're reflecting, we're reflecting on the past and we're also saying to them, I know you did a good job, you know, I'm okay. Even all the struggles I've had and all the difficult I these I had you did what you could at the time and, and so now you have a relationship to work on now because it never stops, you never stop becoming the daughter. You don't stop becoming the mother. You know, my relationship with my older daughter is so different than it used to be because we do talk about the hard times. I mean, she, she went through a lot, she had to deal with 45 siblings and me pregnant many times and she, you know, I never really thought about, it was always about mom, you know, how's mom doing well, how the kid's doing, you know how the oldest doing. And so we have conversations now that I actually will apologize. I said Debbie, I didn't realize that I put so much pressure on you to be my mother's helper in the house. I didn't realize that I put so much pressure on you to be almost like the adult in the house, you know, because she was very responsible that kids are very responsible, but her in particular. And so there's always an ongoing healing, an ongoing relationship that changes over time. And so, you know, if if you're not having, if you don't have a strong relationship with your parents change it, we can change it if we just say, hey, I just want, you know, I'd love to talk about something in the past or I just want you to know that you know, if you have a troubled childhood, I could say to my mom, listen, I just want you to know that how you raised me made me the person I am, which I'm actually very grateful because I'm glad that I had experiences because now I could share them because if we want, if we didn't go through hard times, where would we be? It would be so different and then I couldn't help other people in this similar situation, you know what I mean? Yeah, I mean, I truly think having hard times, especially early in childhood sets the foundation for a level of strength and fortitude that's required of people who are very high functioning when they're adults, but you also have to couple that with the healing work. I mean you're literally over here breaking generational trauma generational curses on your mother's side and then down below two, like how does that feel to be really a black sheep in in the family? Like changing the dynamic for generations. Yeah, that is, that's again you have the best questions so far I've ever been asked, thank you, but we can change it and I think that's interesting because a lot of us say, well that's how my family is. They're not very forgiving. So therefore I'm not going to be very forgiving. My family is very bitter about the past. So therefore that's what I am and we and we, what is the word we identify as how they are? I'm not forgiving or you know, I have one side of my family super irish, the other one is a super italian. And you know, they have they have some some interesting traits but I don't have to accept them. I can be forgiving, I can be loving, I could be understanding if that's what I want to become and if I want that, I have to start acting like that and actually believing it, not just pretending because that's really important. A lot of us, oh no, I forgive but yet we're we're cringing inside and we and we are pretending everything is okay and that's not what I'm talking about. You know, forgiveness is a whole process. It is not a one time event where we just say I'm forgiving and I'm moving on, things come up, we still have feelings, we still have emotions, they still come up, but it's an ongoing. So if something happened, let's say my mother did something and I'm just, it really, it really gets to me, I have to decide, okay, I want to forgive for what reason, because I don't like to be um I don't like to be angry. I don't like to hold bitterness. I don't want that. I want to look at her with love and respect and as another woman in the world, changing the world for the better and I want to look at her. So in that sense, I have a reason to forgive her, I have a reason to move on. And yes, little things will come up and she'll say little things or I'll hear a story from somebody else and I kind of get irritated, I'm like, no, I'm gonna forgive her again, I'm gonna move on a little bit more. And every time we just take a one little step of that forgiveness, we don't really end up where we were before. It's always an ongoing process. And I think a lot of us think of forgiveness as just I have to forgive and snap my finger and it's done just it's an ongoing let it be, you know, because it's just layer by layer becoming less angry, becoming less bitter, becoming more loving and then you're freer, You're free to love at that point. So it all works together. You know, it's beautiful. I honestly think like this is why we're here on this planet to evolve our souls to a new level of understanding of patients of empathy, all of it. Like it's the hardest lessons. We think we're here just to work and great, but it's like really the soul work that we're all here to do and like you're describing it perfectly. Like, this is the work right here. That's right, wow. Okay, so let's dip into marriage because that is such an interesting topic um for a lot of our listeners here, what do you, what would you say with all the couples that you've counseled? What's the number one affliction to a happy marriage? Well, I think one of the things is we go into a marriage with an expectation that the other person is supposed to make us happy. And that's many, many people and me included, and I'm gonna just say that. Um, and then the moment you realize that, you know, he didn't make you happy. It's like, wait a second. I thought that's what your job is to make me happy. And I'm not happy. There's something wrong with you, not with me, but with you. And we go down that path and over years and years we have resentment and we have anger and then we have bitterness and we have uh, competition. It's almost like competition that we become parents and we're competing with each other for our Children's love. And it just goes down to a path of unhappiness and destructiveness. Um, and I'm gonna be here to tell you again, it is never ever, ever too late because my husband and I always always had a good relationship. We're always super kind to each other. Um super respectful, I respected that he worked his butt off to support us and I don't know what that feels like to, to have to make money to support your family and to feed them and house them and you know, clothe them. I don't know what that feels like because I, I was able to stay home with my kids and raise them and at the other end he doesn't know what it feels like to actually physically take care of Children in order to keep them alive and keep them dressed and keep them Fed in on another level. And so we didn't really respect each other's roles as um as the years went on over the 20, years but what we didn't have was a communication, we didn't have the um something that doesn't feel right, It doesn't, I didn't know how to communicate with him on what I was feeling because I thought maybe this is just girly, maybe overreacting and so I just wouldn't say anything and he was feeling the same way and it was through that life coach um he must have been taking the listening portion of the life coach school and when he came to me one day and he asked me a question and I'll never forget with five Children at the time he asked me this question and and he just sat on the couch and looked at me and I thought my gosh, what are you doing? I'm so uncomfortable, he said, I'm just listening and I thought my gosh, I don't know what that's like? I don't I don't know how I was so uncomfortable hearing my husband of many years, five Children and I didn't know what it meant to be listened to. If that makes sense. And I thought well this is amazing, I love this. I don't know what it is, but I want more of it. And so from there as as some years went on and then I became a life coach and I and I learned how to explain myself. I learned how to what am I thinking about what's bothering me? Well something when we have an emotion, we had first thought of something. So you have to go back and say, okay, what was I thinking? That caused me to feel this way and then we have to work with that. I love facts. I love I love facts. So if if there's an issue that you're having with your spouse or somebody and you're going off emotion, I want you to put the emotion aside for a second and and tell yourself what exactly happened? What was said that caused that emotion that caused that feeling and then work with that. Ok. What about it? You know if my husband says something that insulted me? Well what about you know he could have? Who knows? Let's say he said something like um um I was lazy. Which I know he wouldn't say because it's not true. Okay. What? Well what about that? Am I being lazy right now? I can ask my question. Am I being like that right now, am I being unreasonable right now? Yes I am okay. If I am then I'm gonna change it. Okay, what am I gonna do about it? I could sit there and say, you know what? You know you're right, I'm being unreasonable. I want to change. Can we start this conversation over? Because when we're when we expect the other person to make us happy, we are just, it's almost like we're waiting for it. Oh look it's because of you and then we blame the other person. But we have to just like you said in the beginning, we have to focus on creating are becoming peaceful and happy with ourselves because a lot of times we're trying to blame other people for our unhappiness and that's up to us and it takes a lot of effort and sometimes we don't want to do it. And so it's easier to say, oh it's his fault. You know we got divorced because my husband you know wasn't so good to me. Well what about you? What? You know what I mean? What what did you do to make your husband happy? You know, how did you put him first? I'm all about this? I'm all about putting Your this is this is a lot of people get upset with me when I say this, but if you put your husband 1st eventually he's gonna put you first and then guess what? It's gonna be amazing. It's not a one time, it's not a one, it's not a one way where it's just me doing everything for him and he's saying okay thanks. You know it's all about me, it always comes back to you and when you can do that and trust that your husband is going to also put you first, that's when you have this amazing marriage and just happiness and yes, you still go through difficult times and yes you still mess up but it's not too late to say I'm sorry, let's revisit this. Yeah, it's almost like I think as women we need to be the leaders in the home. You know everyone always thinks it's the man traditionally blah blah blah. But it's like we set the tone for the mood in the house, we set the tone for the marriage, we set the tone for the kids. I mean it's like our emotional stability or happiness or like whatever you want to call it really does affect everyone else. And I've seen it. I've seen it when I'm really really good and I'm rocking it and I've seen when I'm like angry and frustrated and it like crashes everyone else down. Like I see it and I have enough self awareness now at this point in my life where I can step away and be like ha okay, interesting, wow, I have more power than I ever realized. you mentioned it. You have self awareness, it's awareness and not even about ourselves, but our husbands when our husband comes home, if they're working, they come in, you know if they had a good day or not, you know a lot because we as women are very intuitive when I, when my husband, when he comes home, I could tell if things went right or they didn't and I decide I can decide what to do about it because we do have this strange ability to either help them out or make it worse and all the kids see it and all the kids follow it and it's just how we, as women show up in the room, you know, we wake up and I come downstairs and my kids are there, it's how I come downstairs will set the stage for the rest of the day. Yeah, it's magical or destructive however you want to Yeah, okay, I'm fascinated then like rock star mom of six author um coach, what do you do then to set the stage? So when you do come downstairs, you are your higher self. You are an example of goodness and and patients and all of the good things that we want to embody. What do you do, what do I do? I literally wake up in the morning. You know, I'm very prayerful. Um I got to the point where because as I, you know I am busy and there's a lot of stuff going on in my life, it's kind of always I don't have, I'm not gonna say I don't have time for prayer, but I made my day of prayer if that makes sense. So in other words, I sometimes will wake up and say God whatever you want and I'll just go downstairs and I'll put, it's up to us. It's a decision we have to make to either be calm, be collective or frantic, come down in a frantic mood. Kids get your stuff together, why aren't you getting your, you know what I mean? All of that is our decision and it's our responsibility and I'm all about responsibility because a lot of us will blame everything around us, Everyone around us for how we act, how we are well my kids are this way, so therefore I am this way, No, you are in control of anything. So if someone says something to you, you can, you know, it could be terrible, but you are in control of how you react to it. It can be the worst thing ever. And you could be like, okay, thanks thanks for that. Or you could start crying and I can't believe you said that and just have a big fight. We are in control of what goes through our mind of the thoughts we hold onto were in control of the words we use, we're in control of how we listen to other people, all of that. And so if when as I get up out of bed, I decide how I'm going to show up and then I say, okay, here's what I'm gonna do. And I, and I walked downstairs and I say something nice, good morning to all the kids again. It's how you, it's the, it's the how you say things all of that. I mean, everybody knows if you mean and if you're genuine or not, you know what I mean? Especially today, but we have to come up with a plan and this is over time. I figured out it's not just tomorrow is going to be perfect. I'm going to do this, you know? Yes, 100%. I like I said, I mess up all the time and sometimes I'll come downstairs and just not, I mean we have dreams, there's things that happen, you have to remember sometimes we don't sleep at night. There are things that are real and you know this, I have to tell you this because this is a really big deal I'm gonna say. So our our youngest is eight years old and the kids nurse for a long time, they were in our bed for a long time. And so there was a lack of sleep for very for, I don't know, I'm gonna say like 18 years, you know, not sleeping through the night and all of a sudden, you know, our our youngest grew up, she grew up, she didn't wake up at night, I didn't have to bring her to bath, nothing and it was over months, this is over months of time. And my oldest daughter, she's, she comes to me one more and she's like, I just have to ask you, she's like, you are so nice and calm lately. Like it's been for a while now, what changed? I had to think about it. I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm sleeping, I'm sleeping that in itself. We don't realize the impact that has on a person's body and mind and everything because when we are over tired sometimes we just, we can't function, we can't control what we're saying, There's that is real. And so everyone out there listening that has little kids or they have a really difficult, even if they sleep, you know, they're they're up at night, they can't sleep. It really does affect you and I almost want to tell you to give yourself a little bit of a pass, Maybe one day you'll be able to sleep like me and it's another, it's like a new world, it's incredible and it's beautiful and you're in more control of how you react now, you are still in control. I'm not going to give you 100% pass, but there's something real to it, sleep different preparation and people use it to torture people. So it's something to remember. It's a real thing and so as a mom, you're on all the time. You're on all the time. But the good thing is your kids do grow up and I didn't, I didn't expect it to happen. I didn't think it was real, but once my kids were older I'm like, wow, I feel like a new person and that's when I started to do all this because I had it in me to do it. I had the energy, I had I had the knowledge to do it. Um I couldn't have done this even 15 years ago because I didn't have the experiences. We need to go through really hard experiences in life lessons in order to be able to say, okay, I have, I I just figured it out. Let me help other people figure it out too. So be patient with yourself, Go through the hard times, go through the, you know, sitting on the floor playing with the little kids and saying, what am I? You know, what good am I doing the world, sitting here? You know, playing with the little guys on the, on the floor not being able to have a conversation with people, you know, there's there's good in everything. Mm I love that. I love that. Okay, so we're almost at the end of time. Um I always ask the guests to leave a final lasting message with the audience. It can be about anything that we've talked about here today. Or it could just be something that you feel called right in this moment to share. So the stage is yours, thank you. Um, I think that it's important as a mom not to, like I said before, identify with um, certain things like I am, I am, you know, no good. I'm, I am impatient because when we do that, that's what we become. And a lot of us moms, you know, like I said earlier were really ******* yourselves and if you want to be a more patient mother with your kids, then start telling yourself that your patient decide that you want to be patient, you have to become something, you have to, you have to just make that decision. We talk about responsibility, I want to be a responsible person that is um patient. What does that look like if I want to be a patient person, what does it look like for me to be patient. And then if we put ourselves in that scenario, okay, when you know my youngest comes to me and you know, is all worked up, how do I want to respond to it? And we come up with a plan, we think about the plan. Like we, it's almost like we're playing it in our mind, how we want to be. And then when it comes up next time now we know what to do instead of just going, I just wanna be patient because I have the time, we don't know what that means. I want to be a better mom, I want to be a better wife and we say these random things, but we don't know what that means. And so give yourself of, here's what I want to do to be a better mom. Here's what I want to do to be a better wife. I want to be when they come to me, I want to listen to them. Maybe I want to sit on the ground and I want to look at them and not tell them what they're feeling or tell them what to do. I want to hear what they're talking about. So I'm not going to talk, I'm not going to look at my phone, I'm not gonna look around, I'm not gonna be distracted. And if we have come up with a plan of of how to do this, then when it actually happens, we are familiar with it. And we're like, oh, I know what to do, but remember to say it's important that when we do mess up, we can just do it again. We just start over because we're not perfect. You know, and I think that's important that the kids understand that too is mom's not perfect. I mess up too. And that's why we apologize. But you guys, I just, all the ladies listening, you're doing amazing you having Children and just, you know, some of your wives, some of your mothers and and it's a, it's a challenging job, It's a challenging vocation, but were given these Children, you know, they're in our care where their guide in life and we're we're guiding them to be adults in the world to change other people's lives. I mean it's incredible what we're given and we should take it seriously and if and if we feel like we need to change a little something change change a little something little by little. Yeah, Julia. This is so good. I've chilled. Amazing. Um, where can our listeners find you online work with you get your books, all the things sure we have to, to Children's books. The cannolis exploded and gelato blast and they are books about responsibility. Like I said, there's three characters, something bad happens. They all take different paths, They all decide to do something different. And it's just a conversation starter for kids on responsibility, choice choices, who's mentoring you, who's encouraging you all that. Um you can get that on amazon. You can also go to Julia and Gino dot com and there you can see the books, you can see a personal finance academy, you can see what my husband does. Um we have a podcast. So Julian Gino's show, you can check that out. Um you can also find, I have a facebook, a private facebook group would love for you to join as well and it's just my name Julia Barbaro. Beautiful, thank you so much Julia. There's a lot to think about after this conversation. But I am filled right now with hope and optimism and just a little bit of more grace for myself. So thank you. Thank you. Thank you. 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