Passage from Sick Puppy by Carl Hiaasen
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One on the morning of april 24th an hour past dawn, A man named palmer stout shot a rare african black rhinoceros. He fired from a distance of 13 yards and used a Winchester 4 58 which knocked him flat on his back. The rhinoceros wheeled as if to charge before snorting twice and sagging to its knees, its head came to rest under a spread of palmettos. Palmer stoat instructed his guide. A former feed salesman named dir Gis to unpack the camera. Now let's first make sure she's dead nerd just said, are you kidding me? Did you see that shot? Dirges took the Winchester from his client. He approached the lifeless mass and poked it in the rump with the rifle barrel. Snow grinned as he dusted off his mail order khakis. Hey, bungalow, Bill, lookie! What? I killed a While, dirges assembled the video equipment, stout inspected his newest trophy, which had cost him $30,000, not including ammo and gratuities. When he moved the palmetto fronds away from the rhino's face. He noticed something wrong? You already? Dirges was wiping down the lens of the video camera. Hey, look here. Still pointed accusingly. Um, looking you care to explain, explain what exactly it's a horn said. Dirges stout gave a yank. It broke off in his hands. They're just said, now see what you've done. It's fake Jethro angrily stoked, thrust the molded plastic cone dir gis. Well, the other one's real dirges said defensively. The other one is a nub look, you want my idea? You glued a phony horn on my $30,000 rhinoceros. Is that about right nervously. Dirges cracked his knuckles. What did you guys do with the real one, stoke demanded sold it, cut it off and sold it. Perfect. These words fortune in Asia man, supposedly some kind of magic **** medicine or something or other. They say it gives you a ***** would last two days there just shrugged skeptically. Well, anyhow, it's serious books. Mr Stone, that's the program for all our rhinos. Some china men over in Panama city buys up the horns. You bastards are Jipping me. No sir, genuine african rhinoceros is what catalog says. And that's what you got for a closer look, stoked, knelt and scrub the rhinos. Cranial horn had been taken off cleanly with a saw leaving an oval abrasion there. The plastic replacement had been attached with white gummy industrial adhesive. The foot or so up the snout was the animals secondary horn, The caudal real enough, but quite unimpressive and squat and rather more like in profile. The whole idea. Stone said irritably. Two dir gis was a head to mount for my den and that's a **** of a head Mr stoke **** of a head you gotta admit except for one tiny detail tossed the fake horn dir gis dir, just let it drop to the ground. Now. Sudden with rhino fluids, he said, well, I got a taxidermy man does fiberglass on the side and he will fix you up a new one? Nobody's gonna know the difference, sir. It looked just like the real thing fiberglass. Hm. Yes, sir. Just said, why don't you just use chrome? Huh? Never thought of that ripped the hood ornament off a cadillac or maybe a 4 50 sl glued to the tip of the suckers, knows. What do you think dirges gave stone to summon look. Stone took the Winchester from the guide and slung it over his shoulder. Anything else I should know about this animal? Um No, sir. There was no point telling stout that his trophy rhinoceros also and suffered from cataracts on both eyes, which accounted for its lack of alarm at the approach of a heavily armed human. In addition, the animal had spent its entire life as tame as a hamster. The featured attraction of an Arizona roadside zoo stout said, has put the camera away. I don't want anybody to see the damn thing like this. You'll get with that fiberglass man right away. Yes. Oh, first thing tomorrow, dirges promised palmer stout was feeling better. He rubbed a hand across the rhinos bristly plated hide and said, What a magnificent creature Dirges thought, if only I had $10 for every time I've heard that line stoke produced two thick cigars and offered one to his faithful guide stout, said the genuine article, theatrically. He fired up dirges declined. He grimaced at the acrid commingling of fumes stogie with rhino ****. Stone said, tell me something. Little. Wanna blow me dirges almost said, How well do you figure this animal to be? Ain't too sure, stout, said she looks to be in her prime. Yes, she does, said Energis, thinking Blind team fat, half senile, regular killing machine. All right, Palmer stowed, continued to admire the carcass as he felt this was expected of a triumphant hunter. In truth, it was himself. He was admiring as both he and dirges. New stone patted the flank of the carcass and said to his guide. Come on, man, let me buy you a beer. Sounds good to me. Just took a portable two way radio from a pocket of his safari jacket. First, let me call lisa to bring the flatbed.