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Hi, this is julie with a quick note. Before we begin this fall, I was honored to participate as a community host for a reboot of a Zippy Owen's podcast now called Moms don't have time to move and shake the reflection and recording of the episode was transformative for me shifting the way I think about my body, especially in the stage of my life. At the age of 50 I asked to be in team if I could share the solo cast on the Mother's Quest feed as well and they said yes. So I'm thrilled to bring this conversation to you here. If you're interested in listening to the voices and stories of the additional community hosts for the podcast season, Each powerful in their own way. Follow the show notes for the link or add moms don't have time to move and shake on any of your favorite podcast apps. I hope you enjoy this deeply personal episode originally recorded by me for Moms don't have time to move and shake a Z cast production now onto the show. Hi and welcome to Mother's Quest, a podcast for moms like me, ready to live our own truly epic life. I'm julie neal a life and leadership coach, community builder, writer and mom to two high energy boys who challenged me to grow into my best. I'll be right there. Where was I Hello and welcome to this episode that is part of the collective season of the Moms Don't have time to move and shake podcast. I am julie neal Mom to two boys. Founder of Mother's Quest and the Mother's Quest podcast. I'm also a life and leadership coach and on a quest to live what I now call my epic life. The minute I saw these post about her intentions for this podcast and her invitation for other hosts to come and share their stories and be part of this all in our collective efforts to more fully embrace our bodies and feel good in our bodies. I knew this is something I would want to do in my life. I'm always looking for signs. Little cosmic nudges in December I turned 50 and in my post menopause body was definitely not feeling so good about parts of myself and I really made a commitment to shift my thinking, but also shift my being and my caring for myself and I saw this opportunity to contribute to the podcast as a way for me to spark some reflection of my own, get clear on my thoughts and really make a commitment to myself in a deeper way. So in this episode I'm going to share a little bit more about my hopes and intentions in this chapter of my life, some ideas, thoughts, frameworks that I think are going to help me as I recommit to my body in a new way. Some reflections on times when I have felt great in my body and then a letter to my body. This is modeled after a letter of permission that I wrote to myself, sparked at an Elizabeth Gilbert creative writing workshop a year before I started Mother's quest and that letter of permission really planted seeds for everything that was to follow. And I share more about that letter and that process in my very first episode of The Mother's Quest podcast, which I can link to. But for me, I felt like that would be a model and some inspiration for planting seeds for a different kind of relationship with my body. So I'll close the episode with the leather that I wrote and as always on my own podcast, I love for guests or for myself to leave a challenge for you as the listener and so I will give you a challenge that you hopefully will say yes to to follow some of the parts of this process that I went through in preparation for recording this for you today. So before I share a couple guiding thoughts that I'm holding onto in this next chapter in my relationship with my body, I want to share it a little bit more about just some of my history, my motherhood journey and what has brought me to this moment. I had my first son, Ryan, who is now 18 after a year and a half or so of struggling with infertility and after he was born, just felt like my life was complete. We were so happy and then just before he turned two, we discovered that he is autistic and so for the next several years of my motherhood journey, I was completely consumed with advocacy, really helping him figuring out what supports and skills he needed and just trying to help him be able to grow into the best version of who he could be and dealing with all of the shifts in terms of expectations of what that might mean. He adapted very well and was doing great and we decided we would want to have another child. And then we had about 5.5 years of struggling with infertility before we ultimately sought out some help and we were able to conceive through in vitro fertilization with our second son, Jacob who is now almost 10. And when Jacob was going into second grade, we learned that he has dyslexia and dysgraphia. We had already discovered he had A D. H. D. And so, you know, a decade plus of my life. I felt had been really devoted to motherhood. And obviously I, you know, I grew and developed so many parts of myself that were incredible. But also I lost a lot of parts of myself along the way. I definitely felt like I had lost a sense of what I'm here to do beyond my family. And there were several years where I felt like I wasn't in my body and in my life and ultimately felt that I needed to reclaim myself and that is really what sparked the creation of mother's quest and this idea that turned into now a framework for living my life, which I call living my epic life. This belief that I can both be fully present for my kids, be mindfully engaging with them, help them grow into the best versions of themselves, but also remember that this is my life to live and that I'm also here to make an impact beyond my family and that involves investing and caring for myself and in my own relationships. So, I have been all in on living an epic life, but my relationship to my body along the way has had times of feeling good and aligned and then times where especially in recent years, shifts and changes have made me not always feel so kind to myself and I have also sometimes not made my body and feeling good in my body and taking care of my body the priority that it should be. I'm now on the other side of menopause, as I mentioned, just turned 50 and a couple of months ago, just really wasn't feeling so good in my body, like I didn't have the right as much energy as I wanted. You know, the numbers on the scale definitely were at the highest they had ever been intellectually, I knew that didn't matter, but intuitively it was just a reflection of not feeling as good as I knew I could feel. And so I've started to make some shifts and I'm already feeling really good. One of those things was my husband. I just took a vacation for our 25th anniversary for 10 days without our Children, where we were really able to focus on ourselves and take amazing care of ourselves and all of those things are really making a difference. And this process and this sharing with you is really part of that. So that brings me to three ideas concepts that I'm really carrying into how I want to commit to my body in this season of my life first, unfortunately, my father passed away in december and it was so clear to me because his mind and personality and all the things he loved about life were completely intact. But his Body which had lived through almost 85 years with type one diabetes and had kidney disease and was having heart problems. His body was no longer the vessel that could enable him to live his life with us here and you know, seeing that happen just the his body no longer functioning and therefore him no longer being able to be with us. Really brought home to me this realization that we all must realize in some way that our bodies are our vessel for living here in this world. So thinking about my body as a vessel or the vehicle for my life means that if I wanted to be here and be here in a way that's thriving and capable, I really need to do whatever is in my power to try to care for this vessel on this vehicle. So the metaphor of body as vessel and vehicle is has been with me. The other idea that's been with me is this idea of dialectic. So my my teen and I went through dialectical behavioral therapy together during some years that were challenging for him in high school. And the concept of this therapy is being able to hold two things is true. And so I want to bring that to my thinking about my body. So the two things that can be true for me is I can be working on embracing my body fully as it is meant to be, as it is, and loving it and being kind well and being kind and treasuring and appreciating it while I can also desire to feel and look as good as I want to as good as might be possible. I think for a little while I was like almost angry with myself that I wasn't feeling good about my body and I knew I didn't want it to be just about numbers on the scale. But as I mentioned before, intuitively, I wasn't feeling good inside and I wanted to be loving and kind and I didn't want to be just responding to societal messages about what I think I should look and feel like at this age. So the dialectic has been really helpful again to just be able to hold that I can be loving and I can embrace myself and I cannot be ruled by any external vision of what I should look like while also striving to look and feel as good as I possibly can, as good as I want to. And then the third thing is this idea of trust, this idea that I already have the information I need, I already have a record inside me of what works and feels good as a coach. I always believe that we have the resources and the knowledge and the wisdom inside ourselves and part of the role of the coaches to help us tap into that. And I wanted to feel this way about my own body that my body has wisdom that has a record of what has worked well and that I can also tap into and honor and amplify that. So those three ideas, my body is a vessel holding the dialectic and this concept of trusting my body or three things I wanted to carry forward. The other thing that I wanted to do is think about epic snapshot moments when I was feeling good and fully being in a powerful way in my body. Epic snapshot moment is this concept I created through Mother's quest while I named through Mother's quest for those moments when everything feels right. Like those moments when you're like this is yes, this is it, this is what I wanted to still, this is what I would bottle up if I could this feeling or this experience. And so I decided to go through some times in my life when I felt fully embodied, connected, present and powerful and good in my body and identify what I was feeling in those moments so that I can try to channel and bring forward and create opportunity for more of that in this next chapter. So I'm gonna walk you through what came up for me. These are obviously very personal stories and experiences from my life, but in sharing them with you, I'm hoping that it's going to spark some ideas for you that you may relate to one or two of these or it triggers a thought of your own. So the first memory I had of feeling good actually, it's an adult memory noticing when I felt good came from a picture I found recently in my parents boxes of old photos of me at about age four, I'm wearing a bikini and I'm striking this like totally outlandish pose and I look completely completely free and empowered and like just owning my body and without any regard really for I don't look like I'm caring about anybody else. And when I saw that photo, I was really struck by it because I also don't remember, I don't remember necessarily feeling that out there and I think it's because I was so young in this picture that unfortunately I started to change as I, as I got a little bit older in how I felt and became more self conscious. But at four in this photo I am owning it and the way that I felt was free. So that's the first one, this epic snapshot moment of me and my bikini feeling free. The next thing I thought about was at about age eight, we had an experience where my dog got out, our neighbor's dog got out and the neighbor's dog was this like fierce ferocious dog. They used to follow me on the other side of the fence up our driveway just barking ferociously when I would walk home from school like it wanted to tear me apart and I was very afraid of it and this day it attacked my dog and as my mom was getting ready to put my dog in the car to go to the vet, the dog ran up to the top of the hill and my little eight year old, I was very petite at the time, body stood there and I was so angry and also so filled with love and protection for my dog that I had this visceral memory of standing fiercely and yelling at this dog, go away, we hate you, leave, you can't be here. And at any other moment if the dog was out I would have gone running myself and I would have been petrified but in this moment Because of the love I had for my dog and the desire to protect it, I felt fierce. So that's my second memory of embodied feeling fierce in protection for myself and those I love. The third memory is around age 11. I used to love to ride horses and I can remember the feeling of being on the trail and cantering and moving with the movement of the horse. And you know, I was again, this kind of small, petite girl on this massively powerful animal. And yet I felt not only strong but connected to the horse and I felt connected to something bigger than myself and I felt fully present. So this moment of embodiment is feeling connected and present. Then I have a memory of being a teenager. My parents had a place in Palm springs that we would visit and I remember lying on a lounge chair basking in the sunlight, just that feeling of the sun's rays on my face, I did have sunscreen on. But there was this like completely filled up with something that felt natural and good feeling and I realized that I felt nourished by that During college I took kickboxing and boxing lessons and again, in recent years I've done some weight training and during both I realized that I felt strong. I felt strong in my body and that I was building strength at age 10, I had open heart surgery. I was born with an atrial septal defect that we did not discover until I was 10. And then when we discovered it, we were told that we could actually patch my heart with my own tissue. And though it was a serious surgery, I recovered fully and it went as good as it possibly could have gone. And it's amazing that my body could actually heal itself with its own resources. When I was pregnant, I remember being amazed that I was growing a human being inside of me and yet it was nothing I could consciously control. It was all happening through my body. My body knew what to do and both of those experiences I think are times when I felt trusting of my body in a way where I could not consciously control, but I knew my body knew what to do. Okay, that's six. I have had definitely a lot of challenges with my body as an adult. After I had my first child, I had an experience where out of nowhere I started to cough up blood and after we did all the tests, we realized that I had a lung disease called bronchi actresses and I had pneumonia at the time but didn't even realize it and that experience of coughing up blood out of nowhere was very traumatizing. I remember, I think I was for months and months afterwards, my nervous system was like completely tight. I think I was always worried like at any moment this could happen again and all these other things started to happen to me as a result of that I got frozen shoulder. I got a cyst on my eye and then I got a cyst in my ear and that was so painful that there was an afternoon where I drove myself to the emergency room and had to have it drained and I remember I still have the frozen shoulder so I could, I was on my way back, I was like in pain from what I had experienced, I could barely like really steer the car and I came home, I don't know where my family, my kids, my son and my husband were at the time I came home and I remember crying like hysterically crying for half an hour on the bed just like releasing all the tension I had been holding and then the strangest thing was after all that crying, I felt better, my shoulder felt better all these other weird ailments I was having resolved and I realized I just felt like release and surrender. Like I had just let go of the fear, another powerful experience I had feeling connected to my body for years, especially after I launched mother's quest, I committed to a morning practice, starting my day on my deck, doing sun salutations and a jewish morning prayer and little bit of meditation. Also when I go to temple services, especially when we're singing. I have felt this way on my favorite hike and all of these experiences. I feel spiritually grounded, there's a sense of calm that comes to me. So spiritually grounded, another powerful feeling. I have done a lot of really good things to feel healthy and to heal myself and care for myself. When I go to acupuncture or massage, taking certain supplements, eating foods that feel nourishing during all of these experiences, I felt healing and then the last one is actually a more current memory. My husband and I have started playing pickleball, we were both tennis players, but as we've gotten older, it hasn't been as much fun to play tennis because it's harder to get to the ball and we discovered that pickleball feels a lot like tennis but the court is so much smaller, it's so much easier to get to the ball and it has been so much fun and we can play with our kids and we can play with other couples. So when I'm playing pickleball, I feel playful movement, feels like fun. So those are the 10 things that came to me as I reflected on these epic snapshot moments of feeling good and vibrant and connected in my body and all of those things. Then I wanted to bring into writing this letter to my body. So again inspired by this experience, I had writing a letter of permission to myself, I wanted to sit down and write a letter to my body honoring it and making a commitment for how I want to be in this chapter. So I'm going to close this episode out with the letter I wrote to my body but before I do that I want to invite you to take on any part of this three part challenge. If you're willing, I hope you'll say yes. Number one, identify some anchoring thoughts or principles as I did that you believe can guide you in your next chapter of your journey and your connection and your relationship with your body. For me it was vessel dialectic and trust. But for you it may be some very different things that can be equally powerful number to reflect on times in your life when you felt you were truly being in your body in a way that felt good and identify what you felt in those moments that you'd like to invite more of for yourself. And then number three, write a letter of commitment to your body, right to your body and then share it with someone. So much comes from publicly declaring in some way in this case, me knowing I was going to come to you and share on the podcast was a powerful catalyst for me to truly commit to this process. You may not want to share on a podcast, but maybe you might want to share on social media and tag the moms don't have time to move and shake podcast or Tag Mother's quest. You can join and share it in the mother's quest facebook group. We have a beautiful community there, it's a private group and would love to welcome you to share it and I know there would be so many others that would be inspired by that you can share it with a friend or a family member, maybe you wanna identify a friend that wants to be an accountability buddy with you and you move through this process together. But I encourage you to take the time to do this reflection, write a letter to your body and decide what kind of sharing would feel supportive for you. So now I'm going to close out with the letter that I wrote to my body inspired by this podcast and this reflection. I hope that this letter sparked something for you and I truly look forward to the opportunity to reading and witnessing what you're able to create dear body of mine. It's hard to believe that you are half a century old, Remember those moments as a child when you would lay and look at the stars in the night sky and marvel at the endless nous of the universe. I'm having a similarly mind blowing experience, wrapping my brain around the fact that you have been with me every moment of my life in these 50 years Through so many seasons, so many phases, many challenges in my body and also miracles in my body like the birth of my Children in this new phase at 50 post menopause I find myself infinitely grateful at all the things you can still do, you might look a little different. There's some varicose veins, definitely more curves and rolls but so many of the things that I enjoy doing are still so available to me and I'm truly committed to taking care of you in this next stretch so that we can do all the good things together for many, many more years. One of the things I've been intrigued by is this idea of embodiment. I should look up the definition, but the part that resonates for me intuitively is the thoughtfulness and awareness and intentionality about being connected and in relationship to this body of mine. So I will seek out opportunities that help me slow down that help me be aware that helped me make choices that feel good, that will help me feel vibrant and alive and it will also bring me surprises, pleasure and delight. I love thinking about epic snapshot moments in my life when I have felt the most embodied the most present when I was truly being more of myself and embracing you. I want to seek out more of those moments. So I commit to more opportunities to feel free. Like I did at age four in my bikini, feel fierce like I did when I stared down the ferocious dog at the top of the driveway, feel connected to nature like I did when I rode horses feel nourished like I did with the sun shining on my face in palm springs, feel strong like I did during kickboxing and weight training. Feel trust like I did when I was pregnant and when my own tissue repaired the hole in my heart, feel release and surrender. Like I did when I cried for half an hour and let go of the trauma after coughing up blood. Feel more spiritually grounded like I did when I started my mornings with sun salutations and meditation feel more healing like I did when I went to acupuncture, took supplements and they ate food that brings vitality and more playful like I did when I played pickleball with my husband and my Children. I welcome in more knowing I look great exactly as I am more strength than my own foundation, more connection to something bigger than myself, more nourishment from nature, more physical exercise that build and demonstrate strength more trust in my body to do what's needed, more opportunities for release, more space for spirituality, more food water, sleep, physical therapy that fuels and heals me and more opportunities to move in ways that feel like play, this matters to me because I want to be here for my family, my Children, my friends, the people I work with for the legacy. I'm here to live and for myself. I want to be able to show up and live and enjoy that life with all the people I care about to the fullest extent possible. Thank you body for being my vehicle and vessel for living an epic life for always being here for me for being the solid foundation I'm literally anchored to for all the ways you work in mystery for my benefit, for all the places you have enabled me to travel in all the ways you have allowed me to show up. As silly as this may sound. I love you. I love you. I am so grateful for you. I commit to listening to you, honoring you and demonstrating my love for you more and more. We're in this together julie. Thank you for listening. I appreciate this podcast, this opportunity and I so look forward to hearing what this may spark for you. Thank you so much for coming along with me on this episode of the Mother's Quest podcast. I hope this conversation sparked something that will help you live your epic life. If you'd like to get show notes and learn more about how to join the Mother's Quest community visit Mother's Quest dot com and while you're there I would love it. If you would follow the prompts to subscribe, leave a review on apple podcasts and help us to spread the word. I want to end with some words to help light the way on your quest, seize the day. Love your people, honor your gifts Until next time