Larry the Redneck Shepherd
Description
Vocal Characteristics
Language
EnglishVoice Age
Middle Aged (35-54)Accents
North American (General)Transcript
Note: Transcripts are generated using speech recognition software and may contain errors.
Hi, my name is Larry and this here is my brother Melvin and that there is my other brother Melvin. We has come here to tell all y'all our story now. I know, I know for some of y'all this here will strain your credulity, whatever that is. But I swear it happened just like this so sit back and take a listen at what I got to say. Me and the Melvins are sheep herders. Well, no, that ain't rightly so, not anymore. But we was, we was out in the fields, sheep herding by day and sitting around at night telling tall tales and jokes Because back then this was Hmm, I reckon about 2000 years ago at night, out in the fields, it was dark, especially when there ain't no moon, it was dull arc. There weren't a solitary other thing to do. No ipads, iphones or TVs. So we told stories, so on one of those dark nights sitting there minding our own business telling stories, you know, fellas will do and some of them jokes are mama would not have approved of anyways there we was john away when Waymo all of a sudden the sky lit up like lightning, like the sky was on fire. And there was this guy, he was huge, big enough to hunt grizzly bears with a switch, not only was he all floaty and glowy and humongous, but he looked fiercer than a junkyard dog. The Melvins dropped to the ground like they was dead, me, I didn't, I suppose it's because I'm possessed of a powerful qwerty aas itty, I stayed standing but I covered my eyes because he was so dang bright then that guy smiled real big like he had good sense that was even scarier. I looked around trying to sniff out what was so dang amusing but there was nothing but our fire and them stinking sheep and the semi dead Melvin's. So I looked back up at them. Well he started talking, his voice was big as the night sky. All impressive like. But the first thing he said was just plain crazy. You won't believe this but this here is a direct quote. He said do not be afraid. Can you believe that He pops up out of the blue. Okay so out of the pitch black and nine. All fierce and big and glowy and he says don't be afraid so maybe he warrant as bright as I reckoned him to be because talking like that is downright crazy. I looked at the Melvins and whispered. It looks like his corn bread ain't done in the middle. I looked a little closer and noticed that one of the Melvins was so scared that he'd wet himself and the other. He looks like he's fixing to toss his cookies. That's disgusting. Well anyways what was that angel thinking? Don't be afraid we wasn't afraid. We was terrorized, nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. We couldn't believe that angel was saying that's what the big guy turned out to be an angel, he said, I bring you good news that will cause joy for all the people. First off, I suppose your preacher boy would tell you what that angel said. Got written down in that bible book of yours and he weren't just saying joy, but mega joy. Big joy me. I'm thinking to myself, how can one piece of news bring mega joy to everybody? Like when the news that caesar octavius was named by the senate, caesar augustus. That one piece of news split our town right down the middle half of us liked how the roman occupation forces kept a lid on them. Right wing crazies that was always talking revolution. The other half hated the romans because we figured that the people of God should be free. We thought Israel should be ruling the world, not those pagan Italians. We was the ones holding onto the hope for the Masai. We had heard the prophecies. We knew that one day and we was figuring he would do any day. Masai would show up and kick some Rome and gluteus maximus all the way back to Rome