Chris Baker - Impressions, Celebrity, Amusing

Transcript

Note: Transcripts are generated using speech recognition software and may contain errors.
Katt Williams A pill? Don't know what toe where I'm in a hotel lobby. I got on a fur coat, some swim trunks, some Timberlands and umbrella because I don't know what may happen in this raggedy ***** This evening, Mrs Dove. Fire! I am a hippo, Granny Hook it. Hip hop, bebop, then still your drop and yo, yo, make a wicked cup of cocoa. Matthew McConaughey bring us two absolute martinis. You know how like him straight up then. Precisely seven and 1/2 minutes after that, you're gonna bring us two more, then two more. After that, every five minutes until one of us passes the fight. Cow Chris Rock. If a woman tells you she 20 and looked 16 see 12. If she tells you, See 26 look 26. She damn near 40. Michael came Batman respect massed away. Perhaps he sees a man you don't fully understand either. A long time ago. Always in Burma. More friends, you know, working for the government, Denzel Washington Fences. Now let's get this straight right here. Now, before we go along any further, I got to like you, Mr Ran. Don't give me my money. come payday because he liked me. Give it to me because he owned me. No, I don't give you everything I got to give you. I gave you your life, man. Your mama worked out between us and, like, you know, black as wasn't part of the bargain. Now, don't you go through life worrying about whether somebody like you were not You best be making sure they're doing right by you. You understand what I'm saying? Good. Then get the **** out of my face and get on down to that A and P. Casey case. Um, hello again, everybody. And welcome to American Top 40. I'm case a case. Um, and I'm all set to count down the 40 biggest hits on the pop chart. Gilbert gone free. I don't know what. Where yelling about. There are signs things I don't want to joke about. Never. It's about somebody else. It's fine. Ever. It's about May. It's totally insensitive. Lil Wayne. I'm a rapper. That's who I am, Miss Katy. And I'm a gangster. And under what I'm won't Peter Griffin. Seth McFarland. But first I'm gonna show you how when I pull the drawstrings on my sweatshirt and spit at a candy bear. I look like an anise. Ah, Jay Z. I'm not a businessman. I'm a businessman. Let me handle my business. Damn men lie. Women lie numbers don't. You're crazy for this one, Rick Cheer is your boy. Yeah, hover Barack Obama. Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek. Kevin Hart. I'm not saying I'm scared because I'm not, but this ain't safe. We've been on his corner for some time there, and it looked like we selling s Samuel L. Jackson. What card for your bro. What? I know. Car driver heard up. They speak English. And what English ************ do you speak it, then? You know what I'm saying. Describe what Marsellus Wallace looks like. Say what again? Say what Again? I dare you. I double dare you ************! Say what? One more got damn time. God, Does he look like a *****? Does he look like a *****? Then why you're trying to **** him like a beach break? Yes, you did. Yes, you did, Brett. You tried to ******* But Marcellus Wallace don't like getting ****** by anybody except Mrs Waas. You read the Bible. Brit Batman. Christian Bale. This city just showed you It's filled with people ready to believe in good Tony Montana. Scarface. What? Thought for? Try sticking your head up your ***. See if it fits. Kendrick, Lamar. And remember, you was conflicting. Missing was any influence. Sometimes I did the same. Abusing my power, full of resentment, a regime. And it turned into a deep depression. I found myself screaming in a hotel room column, Dad, Stir profile top Brault crunk. There's the peasant who I saw leaving the city who disappeared into the crowd with Crisco in the back of his cart. They must have taken him back to his village. So if we find the village, we find him. And if we find him, we find Moscow. Oh, yeah, it's all coming together, Drake. While we're on the topic of instagram, I just want to say it's a bit of an awkward vibe tonight. I got to say, I've never been in the same room as so many guys who have deemed my ex girl. There's a lot of DP sent to that inbox manual. Tarsem dogs d M X. My relationship with God has gotten so much stronger. He's always had his hand on me. He always guided me. I didn't always go where he wanted me to go. But he always had me know that I'm actually listening and being obedient. Life is so much better. Johnny Knoxville. Hello. I'm Johnny Knoxville and I'm breaking down all the injuries of my career. How delightful! Morgan Freeman, Shawshank Redemption. There's not a day goes by on free of regret. Not because I'm in here because you think I should. I look back on the way. I was Ah, young, stupid kid who committed that terrible crime. So you're gone and you stamp your foam, sonny and stop wasting my time. Because to tell you the truth, I don't give a ship. Bill Clinton. When I was in England, I experimented with marijuana a time or two and I didn't like it. I didn't inhale and I never tried it again. T I never mind what haters say ignored him too. They fade away. Never Have you seen in your lifetime a motive variance of the Ripper widow swag like mine