Saving Grace
Description
Vocal Characteristics
Language
EnglishVoice Age
Middle Aged (35-54)Accents
North American (General)Transcript
Note: Transcripts are generated using speech recognition software and may contain errors.
I was coming up on the anniversary of my parents death when the girls began disappearing That summer 24 years ago, right before it all started. I was the one who wanted to disappear. I nearly got my wish. But three months later, I wasn't the reason for the panic tearing through town. I wasn't the one search parties went combing the woods to find while folks prayed they wouldn't come home with a body to bury. It was in my face, staring out from the missing Children posters tacked every tree. That was when I really wanted to disappear. Just vanish without a trace. A girl who was really and truly gone because I knew that nothing I did would change what I had done. I could repent for 1000 Sundays and it wouldn't bring back those girls. Was I sorry, I wish I could say I was. I know that I suffered. There were some in town who would say I didn't suffer enough that I needed to confess confession being the only true path to salvation. And they might be right. But I was too afraid to travel down that road. That's what I remember most. Being scared, scared. I'd be found out, scared of what I'd see in everyone's eyes. If I told the truth, scared of the evil that felt like it was part of my blood, something I could feel shifting and growing and pulsing like a second heartbeat. I was terrified I'd burn in **** and I wouldn't ever be saved. Church only confirmed my worst fears. I started to count how many times the pastor mentioned my name in a sermon. Amazing Grace. The Grace of God, God by his grace, the exalted state of grace. His eternal grace. Grace through faith. Fallen from grace. Grace as the only pathway to salvation. We are guilty and sinners without the Grace of God in our lives. and my personal favorite. By how much greater the Gray says by so much is the punishment more for those who sin? one Sunday. He mentioned it 30 times. By then, I'd already decided I wasn't deserving of my name anymore. I told people they were no longer to call me mary grace. It was just married now, even if she was the mother of jesus and pure in all things. But folks kept right on calling me by my two christian names as if I hadn't uttered a word you have to understand. I was still a child on the cusp of adolescence, but a child. Nevertheless, with a child's tunnel vision and black and white view of the world, you were either good or evil. The one elevated you to an exalted status. The other damned you forever. Your soul belonged either to God or the devil. There was no middle ground, and our baptist faith didn't give the lie to any of that. In fact, the scriptures were most emphatic on that particular issue. So there I was a kid, weighed down by guilt, terrifyingly aware that the wages of sin lead to death. I believe, absolutely, that I was going to **** in a handbasket. In other words, I was doomed.