Audiobook - Weird School Series

Transcript

Note: Transcripts are generated using speech recognition software and may contain errors.
book. Siri's My Weird School Special Bunny Double. We Are In Trouble Book Returned by Dan Gutman, illustrated by Jim Pay a Lot, Chapter one. How to Look Like a Dog. My name is a J, and I hate wearing a tie Ties the horrible who came up with the idea that boy should wear a skinny piece off cloth around their neck on holidays? That was the dumbest idea in the history of the world. A J Wake up! My mom shouted from downstairs. Get dressed. Don't forget to put on your new shirt and tie. What? I opened my eyes. It was Sunday. There was no school. We were on spring vacation. Why did I need to get dressed up? Do I have to? I yield. It's Easter, Ray J, my dad shouted. Show your respect! Respect. Why is it respectful to wear a string around your neck? That makes no sense at all. When I grow up, I'm going to be a professional skateboarder. Scared Borders don't wear ties. They wear sneakers and ripped jeans. I got up and put on my new shirt. Then I put on my dumb tie. Well, I tried to put on my dumb tie. My dad once showed me how to tie a tie, but I didn't remember very well. I put the fat end over the skinny end and looped it around. Nope. That wasn't right. Then I tried putting the skinny and over the fatten and looped it around. That wasn't right either. How do you tie a tie anyway? Ties are impossible to tie. Hurry up. A J My mom l from downstairs. We have to go. I try to tie the tie every which way. Nothing worked. It looked like a bird's nest hanging around my neck. This was going to be the worst day of my life. That when Dad came into my room to see what was taking me so long he was wearing his nice suit. This tie is broken. I told him it doesn't work right here. Body. That's it. Let me help you with that. My dad stood behind me and tied the tie in like two seconds. He pulled a Not all the way up to the top. Jack, you're choking me A gag. The tie is cutting off the air supply to my brain. Need oxygen feel woozy, Everything spinning I think I'm gonna us out. Must go back too bad. Uh, stop being so dramatic. Dad said, Let's go downstairs. When we got to the top of the stairs, my mom looked up at me, a big smile spread across her face. You look very handsome and grown up A. J. I look like a doc, I said. Chapter two, the white game. My older sister, Amy, was already downstairs. She was all dolled up in her pink dress, white shoes and a frilly Easter bonnet. My mom was dressed up fancy to. It looked like we were all going to a funeral. Okay, let's go. My dad said. Do I have to go? I asked. Yes, you have to go A. J said my mom. Why? I asked, Because it's Easter and this is what we do on Easter, said my dad. Why? I asked again, If you don't want to do something, try playing the white game. It's fun. Yes, have you play no matter what your mama, that says, Just keep asking why it drives grownups crazy. We have to go because it's a family tradition, said my mom. Why, I asked. It just is said my dad. Why? Because I said so. My dad bucked. That's not fair. I wind the white game always ends with a grown up barking because I said so and then you have tow wind. That's not fair. Nobody knows why I'll take care of this, Amy announced. She pulled me to the side. It's Easter, dumbhead, Amy whispered in my ear. Don't you know what that means? It means I have to wear a tie. No, Amy whispered. It means you get to eat lots off candy. Oh, yeah, I forgot about that. Now she was talking my language. They're going to have tons off chocolate. Amy was bird and marshmallows on peeps peeps. Did she say peeps? My name is a J. And I love peeps. In case you live in a cave where they don't sell peeps, they are these delicious marshmallow Candies shaped like chicks and bunnies. They are coated with sugar, which is my favorite food. You can put sugar on just about anything to make it taste good. I bet that if you covered a clump of dirt with sugar, it would probably taste good. Not that I'm going to eat dirt or anything. But I bet my friend Ryan would eat a sugar coat, a dirt lump. He'll eat anything, even stuff that isn't food. The point is that people are the greatest invention in the history of the world. The person who invented Peep should get the Nobel price. You know what's the best part is on Easter, you can eat all the people you want, no questions asked. I have learned a lot about life in my eight years. Sometimes you have to take the bad with the good. If you want to get really great at skateboarding, you have to spend ours and ours practicing. If you want to get great grades in school, you have to spend ours and are studying. And if you want to eat peeps, you have to bet a dumb string around your neck for hours and hours. Let's go, I said, charging out the door. This was going to be the best day of my life.