The 5 Deadly words
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Middle Aged (35-54)Transcript
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you know this jam can only mean one thing. Right? Okay. So here we go. It's time to talk man to public To everybody. Everybody out there now a couple of weeks ago, in case you didn't know and in case you didn't tune in or you didn't catch the replay at 12. Actually, I don't think I recorded that show anyway. If you missed it, I talked about five deadly words used by women so I'm gonna repeat them and then I found a response to that. So 21 rules that men have that women should know. I don't know. I was reading that list. I'm like, maybe I don't think I agree with that. Anyway, we'll we'll get to it. We'll take a popular vote. Okay? So we'll go with that. So first let's recap the five deadly words used by a woman. Now men pay attention. I can be saving your lives. So it's very important if you missed it last time. Pay attention today because you'll never think of these words the same ever again. I guarantee it. Okay, so you ready? Here we go. Five deadly words used by a woman. The first word, it's fine. So this is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to zip it up. So it's simple. As soon as they say fine, that's the end of it, they ended the argument, they win, You lose. You need to know when to shut up. Okay. The second deadly word used by a woman is nothing. So the calm before the storm. That's what that is. This means something and you should be worried arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine. So you see how you're you're screwed. Either way it doesn't it's not working in your favor so just pay attention to these words. Alright. The next one is go ahead. Now if a woman tells you go ahead this is a dare, it's not permission so please for the love of God do not do it. Just don't do not do it. If a woman says go ahead, she's daring you to do it so she's not giving you permission. Just don't do it. Alright. See it's not too bad. We're getting there. The next one is that's okay. She wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake. So again one woman says that's okay. She wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake, they're evil. When you think about it you're like wow, just words. Just a one word sentence could just put that ninja right in the back of your head and just and then you're just gone and you don't even realize it because we're just like smiling. Yeah whatever. And then when you're walking down into the basement like dane cook explained once you're walking down to the back and then it clicks in your mind, you're like holy sh it she just got me and yeah she did. That's the way they work. It's very subtle. One word, that's all they need. Another of the five deadly words used by a woman is whatever. So that's a woman's way of saying screw you basically, that's what it is. So when they say whatever, if they're not vulgar people, if they don't like to swear and they just say whatever, that's a nice way of saying screw you. And the bonus word of course is, wow. So one woman says, wow, this is not a compliment. She is amazed that one person could be so incredibly stupid. So those are the five deadly words used by a woman. Remember that. Listen to this show again tomorrow at noon. If you can't, you know, if your woman tells you any of these five words tonight, it's not gonna be a good night. Okay, so just remember that, that's what I have to say. Those are five deadly words used by a woman. Now we've recapped, let's get into the men part because the guys were sending me messages saying, hey, you know man, you talked about, you know the rules that we have to follow or the words that we have to follow for women. What about us? Like they need to understand how we are. It's simple, we're stupid guys. It's it's not rocket science. It's just we don't click. So this is a way of explaining it to women, right? So as you know, I've read a book. Men are from mars women are from venus or something like that. I read it a long time ago. You understand a lot of this stuff, but it's a little weird read that book. If ever you wanna understand something, it'll help you trust me on some certain things. So the men rules rule number one, a man is not a mind reader. So ladies think about that. Men don't read minds. That's number one. Rule number to learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl, it's up if it's up put it down, you don't hear us complaining when you leave it down. Now again, I wanna mention something. I didn't create this list. So this is not coming from my you know my brain, This is what I'm reading as a response to the five deadly words that I found. Alright, so blame the internet if you want to scream at somebody, don't send me hate mail because I didn't come up with this list. All right. Number three when a man cries, that's blackmail, so just just an F. Y. I we don't cry. So when we do it's blackmail again, it's not coming from me. I'm a very sensitive guy. You guys don't need to know that we can talk about that later. That's no big deal. So number four is ask for what you want. Let men be clear on this one, subtle hints. Do not work. Strong hints do work obvious hints. Do not work. Just say it, just say it, say what it is. Don't be subtle, just say what you want. Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. No need to go into a long thing. Just yes or no, that's all we need. Number six, come to us with a problem if you want help solving it, that's what men do. We solve problems and that's in that book. Men are from mars women from venus that's actually in there. When a woman comes to a man with a problem, the man always seems to put on that construction hat and the tool belt and let me solve this problem. We're not gonna listen sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. Okay, so that's from this list. That's what you know, women got to understand that come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's all the men do sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. So called them up. Alright. # seven, anything we said six months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after seven days. So think about that when you're in an argument with your men and you bring something that happened in 1996, it's inadmissible after seven days. It's done. It's it's it's really I'm getting I'm getting hate mail already. It's not me. Alright, I'm already getting that, wow fine, whatever you see, you see what happens like I'm not even It's not me. So just know anything we said six months ago is inadmissible in an argument and in fact all comments become null and void after seven days now. Number eight. This one's rough. I don't agree with this one, but this one anyway, if you think you're fat, you probably are. So don't ask us. Okay, again, relax. Do not black people are blessed. It's not me. So, if you think you're fat, you're probably are. Don't ask us. Alright, that's the end of that. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry. We meant the other one. Alright. Number 10, You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it. ****. Just do it yourself. All right, So, that's number 10. That's another rule. Again, this doesn't apply to all men. And anyway, whatever. Number 11, whenever possible. Please say whatever you have to during commercials. That's a little I don't really agree with that. So, you need to talk just talk Christopher columbus did not need directions and neither do we I feel like I'm backing up in time here. I'm going like old school 1950s right. Like I don't know. I just get a gps now. So I don't and I have no issues getting a gps. Number 13. All men see in only 16 colors peach for example is a fruit not a color pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is. So if you say mauve, mauve, whatever we have. No, I I don't have a clue what that is. So there you go. Number 14, if you ask what is wrong, If I ask what is wrong and you say nothing, we act like nothing's wrong. We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the hassle. So, see guys, this brings you back to 0.5 deadly words used by a woman. And now women, you understand that when you say nothing, well we act like nothing's wrong. So even though we know you're lying, we're not just gonna jump on that grenade. Alright, again, I did not write these. So stop messaging me right now. Number 15, if you, if you ask a question, you don't want an answer to expect an answer. You don't want to hear 16 when we have to go somewhere. Absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really? It really is. Just put it on and let's go No 17. Don't ask us what you're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football or motorsports. I'm not like that. So I don't agree with that one. I didn't I didn't write it number 18. You have enough clothes. Number 19 you have too many shoes. 20 I am in shape and round is a shape and 21. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know that somebody will be sleeping on the couch tonight. But did you know men don't literally they don't really mind that for them. It's like camping. So those are the 21 rules men have that women should know again. I didn't write these. I don't agree on all these. But my favorite point in this is number seven. Anything we said six months ago is inadmissible in an argument. And in fact All comments become null and void after seven days. So remember that.