COMEDY NEWSCAST
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EnglishVoice Age
Senior (55+)Accents
North American (General)Transcript
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Yeah. Hello, I'm Jimmy Hill and welcome to Mike FM's neglected news brought to you by innuendo, the Italian suppositories that's blowing the lid off the competition. Don't put your trust in just any suppositories. Put it innuendo on now. The news on the local front curve ill was rocked by a late night burglary at the city Police Department. Police say that just before dawn, thieves broke into the curve Ill city police building and made off with 63 toilets with an estimated value of over $3000. A spokesman said the thieves gained access through an open sewer pipe leading to a broken restroom wall, which was under construction. According to the spokesman, there are no suspects in the case and police have absolutely nothing to go on. Construction efforts at the Saint Louis Zoo when a foul this morning when a concrete truck accidentally dumped its entire contents into the zoo's newly constructed snake pit. The pit house nearly 200 varieties of non venomous exotic serpents from around the world. A majority of the snakes were able to slither out as concrete levels rose. They were quickly captured and taken to an adjacent holding area. In the meantime, the concrete hardened making removal nearly impossible for now, zoo herpetologist Dr Walter Dilled in her was quoted as saying, This has been a harrowing experience for the zoo at this point. Are poor snakes don't have a pit to Hissene? The Texas Department of Wildlife has issued a warning toe hikers throughout the state. As bear attacks are on the rise, wildlife experts ask that you remain aware of your surroundings while hiking or picnicking in the woods. They suggest that a good precaution for such attacks is to wear small bells attached to brightly colored ribbons so as to better alert bears to your presence. It's also suggested that you learn to recognize various types of bear scat in order to know what you're up against. Black bear scat is usually dark brown in color, and portions of nuts and Berries are clearly visible. Grizzly bear scat is normally black or light gray, with small bells and brightly colored ribbons. This edition of Mike FM's neglected news is brought to you by innuendo, the Italian suppository that flushes away the competition feeling tired, cranky, plugged up. Yeah, don't put your faith in just any suppositories. Put it in your window. And finally this story from East Texas world renowned nutritionist Dr Alfred Pots was airlifted to Dallas last night for emergency medical treatment. Ah hospital spokesman said Dr Potts is out of danger, and a complete recovery is expected. You may remember pots as the inventor of the dry dog food diet, which has helped many lose weight since its inception over a year ago. Speculation is surface that eating dry dog food for a year may have contributed to the founders illness. But when asked, Pots explained not the case. My new dry dog food diet had nothing to do with the unexpected health emergency of last evening. The fact is, I was accidentally hit by a car after stepping off the curve to sniff a poodles. But dry dog food stocks fell to an all time low, and that's all the news we choose to bring you. For now, stay tuned for more updates from Mike FM's neglected news. In the meantime, I'm all that's left of Jimmy Hill have a fair night and a mediocre tomorrow. Mhm