Your ADHD Child wants you to know this...
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Chapter five, when one of your kids has a DHD and your others don't Cindy Lee knows all too well how a DHD affects the entire family. I had attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. A DHD on guy kind of drove my siblings nuts, says Lee, who's a licenced marriage and family therapist in Burnsville, Mn. My sister and I shared a bathroom on. I'd be chit chatting nonstop and she'd be just like, Shut up. We can be very annoying. We're just being are overly energetic Selves, but in annoys the **** out of others, says Lee, who now specialises in helping families that have a child with a PhD in the mix. Kids with a D H D demand attention, lots of attention. Not surprisingly, they often leave siblings feeling overlooked, says Marat Apple Dawn L. C. S. W. A Minneapolis based child and family therapist specialising in 88 with a DHD. We see a lot of typical sibling dynamics, but at a high octane level, Apple Dawn says that not only makes keeping the peace hard, but it can also interfere with sibs ability to form strong bonds. It's not impossible, though, which is why we went to the experts to find solutions to some of the most common a DHD family dilemmas. Question. When my kid with a DHD routinely gets all the attention, how do I help my other Children feel equally loved? Answer. Hold an a D H d 101 session for neuro typical siblings First. Just acknowledging the differences between siblings can go a long way toward understanding. Lee says parents should share age appropriate information about how our neuro typical kid's brain works on how it's different from the way the brain of a kid with a D. H D works on. Then listen to how the neuro typical sibling feels about it. You can say something like It's not that he's being extra messy or bugging you on purpose. He really can't help it, Lee says. We love our kids the same. But different kids need different things. Is there something else you need from us to help you feel supported and then follow through? Question When a DHD behaviours disrupt family life, how do I protect my other Children from living in an environment off frustration and anger? Answer. Try a 5 to 1 compliment to critique ratio before sorrow, she asked to be referred to by first name for privacy, knew that her daughter had a DHD. We were so mad at her all the time, she says. It seemed like she was being willfully disobedient, and we thought she was just a bad kid. And the other two kids have had to be in that sometimes anger filled environment. But once her child was diagnosed with a D H D around age nine, it was easier for Sarah and her husband to shed the constant negativity and approach her behaviour. With understanding, Lee often gives new clients this homework. I send parents home with an assignment to say five supportive, nurturing things before saying anything negative, she explains. Most people can't take a lot of negative feedback, she says. On the amount of negative feedback kids with a D H D often get can be staggering. One family reported that after a few days of using this strategy with their 16 year old, he cheerfully agreed to help his dad rake leaves and told his mum, I'm really grateful I came out of your ******. Indeed, don't save this strategy for the kid with a DHD it helps everyone, she says. Question. How can I improve negative sibling dynamics like when my neuro typical kid mimics the impulsive behaviour off their older sibling with a DHD answer. Go for honesty and a chance for a do over. No, you can't throw the bat when you strike out, Molly finds herself telling her five year old, who argues that his older brother does it all the time. In another situation, a sibling with a DHD may throw Legos at his sister looking for some sort of connexion. Both of thes scenarios are problematic but can be managed.