Excerpt from IT ENDED BADLY by Jennifer Wright
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EnglishVoice Age
Young Adult (18-35)Accents
North American (General)Transcript
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you know what's amazing that we become upset when a politician cheats on his wife. Remember President Bill Clinton? Or would you like to discuss other of our country's leaders? And every time we as a society react with distress and disappointment, my heart sings a little. It rejoices because people actually behave extremely well. Now that sense of collective indignation would not have happened had we lived in ancient room to those living under the reign of Emperor Nero. The idea of a high ranking political figure getting into trouble because they had sex with another willing adult would be hilarious. That is because ancient Room was a world full of nightmares, where every romance became a horror movie, ending in poisoning, murder, suicide and the Nero's case. What may be the most terrifying rebound in history, baby, you could blame a tiny bit of Emperor Nero's difficulties with relationships on his parents. Most people learn about relationships from their parents, how to keep love alive and overcome differences and all of those good things, but also, in some cases, how to break up without killing each other. Sadly, the humane approach was not something Emperor Nero was taught by his mother, Agrippina, the younger. There are many accounts about her horrible activities, but this one story sums up her villainous on a soap opera persona. First, you have to understand that in addition to being the mother of Emperor Nero and the sister of Emperor Caligula, Agrippina was married to Emperor Claudius. I bet you remember him. You picked up this book so you strike me as the kind of person who studied a dead language and watch the I. Claudius television miniseries with the container of your favorite Ben and Jerry's ice cream resting in your lap. In college, I studied ancient Greek late night snack is my favorite flavor, and I'll be coming to your house next week for a BBC movie night. I am really looking forward to it. But if you need a refresher, Claudius was the fourth emperor of Rome. He is probably best remembered for his numerous ticks, including a stammer and a limp. He was also thought to be partially deaf, the historian So Antonius wrote, his knees were weak and gave way under him, and his head shook. He stammered, and his speech was confused. He slobbered and his nose ran when he was excited. So Tony is also said that his mother, Antonio, often called him a monster of a man not finished, but merely begun by Dame Nature. If she accused anyone of dullness, she used to say that he was a bigger fool than her son, Claudius. She was wrong. In reality, Claudius was a smart man who needed hanky seriously. None of his tics had any influence on Claudius is very considerable intellect. Those quirks cost people to assume he was mentally delayed, though that was great if you were transported back to ancient Rome high society. Begin with this pretense. If you show any trace of intellect, ambition or popularity, whoever is in power will more than likely decide you aren't enemy trying to usurp them and will kill you. Acting like a simple tin is your best bet for survival to stay alive and ancient room. You should operate the way you would if you suddenly discovered all of your friends were in the Mafia. So Claudius was fortunate because his tics caused everyone to dismiss him while his relatives were killing one another. They simply overlooked him, except for a consul ship that he shared with his nephew, Caligula, in 37 ce Claudia's didn't really enter public life until age 49 41 c. He was then crowned emperor following the assassination of Caligula, in which he may or may not have been involved. Supposedly, the people loved him following the assassination, according to Sue Antonius, the populace who stood about the Senate hall called for one ruler and expressly named Claudius. He allowed the armed assembly of the soldiers to swear allegiance to him and promised each man, 15,000 sister sees being the first of the Caesars who resorted to bribery to secure the fidelity of the troops. See smart. He then revealed himself to be extremely competent and intelligent and had a brilliant rain, greatly expending the Roman Empire. Even as far as Britain, his only real misstep might have been marrying Agrippina and adopting Nero. Almost all historians agree that in 54 ce Agrippina poisoned a dish of cornices mushrooms. This is referenced in many comedies of the time. There are tons of mushroom jokes in his epigrams. Marshall directs the comment. May you eat such a mushroom as Claudius eight to an unlikable character all of the jokes are identical. They're all just going to mushroom and die today. You can really only use that line to insult your four friends who studied ancient Greek and Latin who are also invited to our BBC drama night. But maybe it will give them a chuckle.