Black Friday 2050 - an episode of the podcast \"RGH reads RGH\"
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Vocal Characteristics
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EnglishVoice Age
Middle Aged (35-54)Accents
North American (General) North American (US Midwest- Chicago, Great Lakes)Transcript
Note: Transcripts are generated using speech recognition software and may contain errors.
G H reads R G H Y R G H reads R G H G. Meet G H. What? True me? Gee. Hi, everyone. I'm Robert Gerard Hunt. Welcome to another episode of R G H reads R G H today. I'll be sharing with you a made up story called Black Friday 2050. Now news for nine's news at nine with Kent Elliott. Good evening and Happy Thanksgiving. I'm Kent Elliott. It's a holiday tradition that's been handed down for generations. No, it's not your grandmother's cranberry recipe. I'm talking about the annual retail pilgrimage to find and purchase the best Black Friday deals. We take you now to news for you. Nine's roving reporter Matilda Morris who's standing by live at the best, buy at the big shops at Birch Meadows, Matilda. For the past several months. This parking lot has been a thriving community, a curb to curb sea of tents and shanties that have served as a home away from home for several 100 of our city's most dedicated consumers. They come from all walks of life, rich and poor, young and old Cyborg and Android, but they are united in their passion for the latest in personal and home electronics at rock bottom prices. I talked to Scott and Sarah Sanderson who moved into Best Buy Bargain in September when news was leaked that a limited supply of portable self adhesive wall mural televisions would be made available at the insane price of 1000 Amaro Scott. Is it worth it to put your life on hold for so long? Just to snag a great bargain. Well, no doubt it's worth it. Last year. I waited until the end of October to get in line and I came away empty handed. I'm not going to let that happen again. I told him he shouldn't even bother coming home unless he snagged one of them while mural tvs, our youngest boy just has old school painted walls and the kids at school have been teasing him about it. What's it like living here in bargain? Well, it's like one big extended family out here. You see the same people every year and get to know each other. So, it's sort of our reunion. That's right. We consider these people to be family except in a few hours when those doors open. There's not a soul out here who wouldn't trample his own mother if that's what it came down to and we wouldn't have it any other way. That's right. You don't deserve it if you're not prepared to do what it takes to get it. Jason. Now, you heard Scott Men trampling and violence is always a concern once the door is open I have with me, Sergeant Bert Brinkley, who is tactical commander of big shops at Birch Meadows Security this year. Sergeant Brinkley, you and your force of over 100 private soldiers have been patrolling the area since Labor Day. What is the mood of the troops now that Black Friday is just hours away? It's a little tense Matilda. No one has forgotten the Christmas riot of 41. It's my duty to secure the safety of our shopping public and to ensure that never again will so much retail acreage go up in flames to that end. We have spared no expense to stay on top of things. Today's technology allows us to know precisely where each shopper is at every moment. The identity of whichever shopper first touches an item of available merchandise and whether or not they've already exceeded their credit limit or God forbid, if they have no credit at all in the event that merchandise is touched first by an ineligible shopper. The right to that item is forfeited to the next eligible shopper who has touched it once an eligible shopper is identified, that shopper's ID is shown on the item display and there's no disputing it still things can get out of hand so you can bet we have a fully armored officer next to each display in every 20 m in the aisles. What do you say? Critics who claim that the shopper, identification technology is vulnerable to hacking and therefore may allow inequitable highly discounted merchandise distribution. I'd say. Come on down here and you deal with these nuts. Thank you, Sergeant. And finally we have Best Buy Black Friday regional coordinator, Gary Goins here to fill us in on the latest news behind the scenes. Gary, are you ready for this crowd of hundreds who have been waiting so patiently over the last few months? Well, I certainly hope so. I know that Sergeant Brinkley and his troops have secured the perimeter and are doing everything they can to prevent large scale rioting both without and within the store. For our part, we have reinforced the entrance windows and doors installed additional padding at the ends of aisles and the vertices of all right angle displays quintupled the security cameras for 360 degree real time, 3d coverage and strategically positioned a crack squad of sharp shooters in the rafters. Then we're handing out turkey shaped sugar cookies to the 1st 12 dozen shoppers. Any concerns that your employees may not be up to the task? Not at all. Matilda. Each of our associates is protected by custom fit, crush resistant body armor and has undergone a mandatory online training seminar in Black Friday Crisis management. We will be rotating shifts so that no one will be out on the floor for more than two consecutive hours. And we also have a shopper negotiations team standing in case things get ugly. Really. It's all under control. How profitable do you expect today to be? Well, we'll move a lot of merchandise today, that's for sure. But more the actual Black Friday is just icing on the cake for us. It's the three months leading up to it that puts us in the black. Thanks to the various guest services that we found our short term residential customers have come to expect. And what so service I to start with anyone who takes Black Friday seriously will see the value in becoming a best buy bargain preferred camper which entitles you to a minimum four by six plot located somewhere on the property or adjacent lease lot starting on Labor Day. Many of our customers know just how worthwhile it is to upgrade to a plot license which simply reserves your existing plot and gives you first dibs on its lease the following year. But the greatest value over the long run for our most dedicated customers is to invest in our best buy bargain VIP program. Those are the folks you see over there with priority gold Circle proximity plants featuring unlimited data streaming and complimentary recharging of all implanted personal electronics, plus the added bonus of being permitted to set up your living quarters and move in on the first of August and a 10% discount at the Barkin Taco trailer. Sounds wonderful, Gary and good luck to you and your crew. Thank you Matilda and just a quick reminder to our viewers at home that it's not too late to come on out and join in. The fun doors will be opening in just a few hours back to you Kent Matilda. Great to see there. Keeping the Christmas spirit alive down at Birch Meadows. Coming up next, a local group of classic car enthusiasts will do just about anything to get their hands on the precious oil and gasoline that makes their historic vehicles rough details when we come back. Thanks for listening. R G H reads R G H is written performed and produced by Robert Gerard Hunt. All rights reserved G reads R G H one true read G H.