Profile photo for Nick McGowan
Not Yet Rated


This is a solo episode of my podcast explaining a bit of my story that has shaped me and what has led me to do what I do today.

Vocal Characteristics



Voice Age

Middle Aged (35-54)


North American (General)


Note: Transcripts are generated using speech recognition software and may contain errors.
Hello and welcome to the mindset and self mastery show. I'm your host, Nick Mcgowan, and on this show, my guests and I unpacked the stories that shape us and the lives we lead on our path to self mastery today on the show. I have, I have me. Yeah, it's just gonna be me on the show today. I hope you're all right with that. I've actually heard from a number of people that have said man, we just wanna hear an episode with you, we love these interviews, but we want to hear some of your thoughts too. So, alright, okay, you'll hear a bunch of my thoughts then and I appreciate you being here, I appreciate you listening to the show and I appreciate your feedback on all of this. If they're specific topics um or anything you want us to get into and things that are important to you in your heart, let us know. But for now let the games begin. Hey me! Hey, alright, that was cheesy. So look, we've been through nine episodes of this show so far together and I want to say thanks, thank you for being here, thank you for listening, thank you for the support and I hope it's helping. But it occurred to me recently that you have been listening to the podcast for a little bit and if you know me, you know some things about me, if you're close and you're part of that inner circle, you know a lot deeper things about me, but there are certain people that have listened to these episodes and may think who the fun is this guy? What's his deal. So I thought I would answer some of those questions for you and give you a little bit of background story, sort of the man behind the mic. The Mc behind the mic. Yeah, that makes me laugh at least. But on a serious note, I want to share a bit about my background where I've come from and how I've gotten here. And I hope that gives some context of why the show is how it is. And a little bit about the man behind the mic. So I thought we would start off with, it was a dark and stormy night. No, actually, I was born at 9:23 in the morning And I think my mom was there at night. I don't know if it was dark and stormy, but it may have been either way, let's take a step back into the hospital room in June 1984. Never mind. I'm not gonna do that to you. That's craziness. So look, here's the deal. I've been in sales and marketing and personal growth for a long, long, long time. My mom has told me that I've been in sales since I was a little kid. She's always saying things like you could sell ice to an Eskimo or ketchup popsicle to a lady in a white dress with white gloves on. And I thought I thought that was so weird, but being in sales, being in marketing, therefore all comes back to creativity, and the overall creativity that I feel is not only within my jeans. Uh there are different artists and musicians that are in my lineage, but I think it also comes down to the environment, the people that had raised me, look, there were tough times that I went through mom and dad. If you listen to this, I love you guys, absolutely love you and appreciate what you have done. There were different times where you guys drop the ball and you know it and look, every parent does, I'm sure I don't have kids at the moment, but I could imagine at some point, when I have kids probably have a beer with my kid in his late twenties thirties at some point and go, you know what dad, you really ****** up this one time, but I love you, and I hope to have those conversations at some point, because, look, I've had those with my own dad, and I think there's a lot of importance to that. So, uh let's go back to, let's go back to high school high school, I was an art kid and I was a budding musician and a floundering school student floundering in the sense that I didn't do the best in school because I didn't really give a sh it, I didn't want to be in school, I wanted to be outside of school at all times working on music or going after girls, or just not doing school work because I didn't really see the purpose to it. And I didn't have any conversations with people that really made it purposeful. Besides just just ******* do your work, do your homework or you know, why didn't you hand this thing in? It's really going to affect your grades. I didn't really give a sh it at all. And then at one point, senior year, my uh counselor and I sat down and we're like, all right, well, what what school are you going to go into the back of my mind? I'm thinking I'm not gonna go to a school. I didn't want to be here. Why would I want to go somewhere else? What's wrong with you? Uh you know, I was open though, I was open to explain what those options would be because as a 17 year old kid, I didn't have any ******* idea what I wanted to do or how I would go about doing anything that was worthwhile. So I sat there and I listened and entertained, in a sense, you know, at least I thought I was entertaining like now. And at one point, the counselor said to me, look, we can get you into an art school, we can get you into a music school, something like that, but you know, you're probably not gonna make any money any real money. And I'm sure they said along the lines of but there are other lucrative opportunities outside of that, but you may need to put a little bit of hard work and dedication into. All I heard was we put into art or music, but you ain't gonna make any money. And I thought, well that's it, I'm done. And I checked out and at that point I started to look outside of that, but I was still going through traumas and stuff that had happened as a kid in middle school and and throughout high school, uh there was a lot of stuff that had happened growing up that just left me feeling helpless and hopeless at different times and searching for love in the wrong places. And really not understanding where my where my feet were on this earth and where they needed to be. So when I got out of high school I started to really push on the music thing and ended up in a band that was doing some great things, being looked at by some big labels and all of that. And then the band broke up. The girlfriend I had uh broke up with me didn't have a job, I don't have any prospects. I had no idea what was going on. So I ended up doing heroin and overdosing on heroin. Not a fun place to be. But I do remember that night when I when I overdosed and I got home, I remember smoking a cigarette because I smoked at that point and looking up and being like, alright God, the funk was that about and why am I still here? I think I had a bit of a death wish to be able to not be here and not know what the funk I was doing anymore. And God didn't directly speak to me and say Nicholas, I saved you because there's more, I wish, you know, I really wish he was, he said something like that, but I didn't get anything at all. Honestly, I didn't know how to listen, but around that time I was legitimately praying to not be an ******* anymore. God help me to not be an ******* anymore. Was a consistent prayer almost every night because I had no idea what was going on. So going from that heroin overdose and looking up and saying, well, what else, what is next? I felt like that was one of those moments where I was not only able to look up, but my chin and my eyes were up and pointed in a new direction where for a couple of years before that it was literally all just pointed down and I didn't see any further down than literally overdosing on heroin and then kind of crawling back to my mom's house and sitting in front of my computer and not knowing what the fund is going on in life. So, uh, not too long after that, I'd end up getting introduced to uh multilevel marketing company and I had no idea what an MLM was or wasn't or anything of the sort, I kind of learned pretty quickly when I started to get involved and what other people would say, because you'd say anything about basically anything that had to do with an MLM and they'd be like, oh my God, and again, I had no ******* idea. But what I was trying to do was just be a little better, a little less ****** than I was and to make some money and make something with life, but I had no idea what was going on. So, as I got into that, that was my first step really into personal development, because I remember meeting some people that were, you know, there were people that were creepy and just weird, but that's life in general. But there were a handful of really solid, great people that loved on me that I um I look back at them, truly grateful for those people, spoke wisdom and knowledge into me and listen to my ******** as a 19 year old kid or what have you. So I'm gonna fast forward a little bit. But I think there's, there's some major uh, major things that happened within that first phase of after high school life with the overdosing of heroin and figuring out what do I want to do from here now that I'm still alive and being able to actually get into a company or at least an opportunity and a position to be able to speak to people outside of just, You know, whatever ******** I was into at the moment that honestly was just not healthy at all. So it was great to almost do a 180 and just be forced to go through those conversations. And uh, as I went through the next couple of years, I experienced some highs, some major lows, uh, met some incredible people, traveled around a lot and made some money along the way and it was all right. You know, I did pretty well. But then there was a bunch of ******** that happened and my mind wasn't right in the beginning of that, I was a 19 year old kid. Uh, but it ended up, I ended up finding an opportunity to get into the car business. And I know, I know I'm literally telling you I was an art kid and then I opted not to go to school for art or music and got into an MLM and now I'm telling you about the car business And I know we're only a handful of minutes into this, but please stick around, there's a lot more to it. And I swear there's depth that, that we get into. So when I got into the car business, it wasn't a matter of getting into selling cars, but it was all phone work and being able to help people, uh, really set up a red carpet for them to come into a dealership and work on getting something that was safe for them. Uh, and it was also right around the time where basically anybody could get a loan. It's like, oh, you, you never even paid your, your mom back for anything. Yeah. It don't matter. Come on in, get a loan. What do you want? You want a Mercedes. Cool. Let's uh, let's figure that out. Their payments would be 700 bucks a month, but they would have the loan and then as we all know, 2008 ish when everything went, it just blew up. Part of that was it. But within that time frame I actually jumped into not only that car business, but started a consultant company within the car business. I'm condensing all this because there's a lot of ******** that happened within those couple of years, there was more growth, There was a lot of money made and a lot of money lost. And at one point we realized, me and a couple other partners that were within the group realized the ship was not only going down, but we were already underwater. We were basically a submarine and we were trying to keep the baby alive. So just trying to pump money into the business with credit cards. And then next thing you know there I am back on my mom's couch fine. They're looking up at the ceiling like I did in high school, but at this time thinking, what the **** am I doing back here and what happens next? So from that I ended up getting uh getting into the music business and working at music stores and helping with sound and some lighting things of that sort. I honestly just want to get the funk away from what I was doing because I wanted to have a little bit of fun again. I was traveling and doing so much work at these car dealerships and working on the business and all that. I just really wanted to get away and just have some fun. So I figured why not, um why not just go sell some guitars for a little bit, hang out and play guitar for a couple hours and then sell the thing you were just playing. So I proceeded to do that for a couple of years. That was great, played in my band was able to go out and play shows and have great equipment and connections and all of that. But at one point I just kind of felt like my soul was just dripping out of my ears, like I had nothing really going on. So at that point, something needed to change. I needed to get into a situation where I could actually do something that was creative with problem solving and not just creative with music and I really enjoyed what was going on music wise. There were some great things that had happened, but I just knew that there was more that I needed to do. So I ended up getting into a company that worked with real estate agents and financial advisors, remember the interview and it sounded like a lot of phone calls and just being on the phone with these people about their marketing and just consulting on marketing. I thought you know this is gonna be great and I told the guy, I just want to be a cube monkey, just let me be a cube monkey, just let me talk to these people. But when I got started with them, I ended up doing training for the group and starting a senior marketing advisor role within the group and team and spent a couple of years there as a cube monkey and sort of leadership at different points to be able to talk to all these people and After a few years I was kind of like, I'm done, I need to get out and I need to do something different, but it was right around 2000, maybe 12 or so when a friend of mine who was one of the trainers in the consultant company we had in the car business, he and his wife were thinking about starting a digital marketing company specifically for small businesses and they said, hey we're thinking about starting this company and would love to have you on board thought yeah, that could be kind of cool to be able to work with a couple of friends and these friends lived in florida I was in philadelphia at the time. So at one point he said, hey, I'm gonna fly down my brother and sister and I, we're gonna go meet with our grandparents and go on a cruise and spend some family time. So I invited my friend and his wife to come over to have dinner with us and said, hey, let's talk about this business thing. And if it makes sense, maybe we'll move on it. So they came over, they not only had a great time with us that night, but they also brought their daughter with them. Their daughter was a couple of years younger than me. She and I hit it off and within maybe a year or so We were, we were engaged and I was inching closer to leaving my 9-5 and in some ways didn't really know it yet. Um, so to jump ahead a little bit, I ended up getting married and had been in this company with my friends for about a year or so give or take and a lot of that was research and us figuring out what we wanted to do talking to some people, but not making any sales. I didn't really try, I don't think others really tried as much. Um, because it was a part time thing and you know, whatever other ******** excuse we were coming up with at that point, but about three months into um being married, I was asked to leave the company I was working with and needed to tell my wife at that point, hey, so um you know, I don't have a job anymore, what do you wanna do for dinner tonight? And she was like, what? Hold up. She was actually out with a friend at that point when, when I got home and I had to call her and tell her what was going on and all of that, and remember later that night, and over the course of the next couple of weeks, we had many conversations, we were newlyweds and we're trying to figure out like what happens from here, literally just married her in florida, brought her up to Philly and said, here here's a new life, um go find a job, let's figure this thing out. We call life, I love you, let's do it. And we were both kind of on the same page in some ways or at least trying to be and after I was let go and spent a couple of weeks trying to find a new job, I got into a position where I had this uh this role in hand that was going to be what I thought would have been an awesome role and paid me probably at least double what I was making at that, that company I was with and I got all the way up to the third interview and they literally told me, hey man, you could be great for this role, but we're gonna go with somebody else because they went to college and they have a piece of paper that says that they are in massive debt at this point. He didn't say that, but you know, that's how I read it. So I just instantly started cracking up, just cracking up and uh the guy was taken a little aback by it and I apologized like within a couple of seconds and laughing, I was like, I'm sorry, I thought that was a joke, but now I understand that you're being serious and now it kind of makes it even funnier. Look, I'm sorry to hear that, that's the decision you've made. But if that's it, then OK, cool. Because in the back of my mind at that point I thought, alright noted life, I get it. It's time for me to do something again. It's time for me to step up and do something. Like a conversation that night with my wife about what happened and what are we gonna do next? And I told her, look, I made a decision, I'm going to go full time with the company with your parents were gonna do this thing. She looks me square in the eyes and goes, you haven't made a ******* sale in a year. So what makes this any different? Oh, as one of those hoof meter moments. I was like, oh touche. Alright, so now I'm going to jump ahead a little bit over the course of the next year, I ripped into it absolutely ripped into it with everything that I had absolutely everything that I had, we had some help along the way with uh family setting us up to be able to manage a property and have an apartment on that property. So I was full time with the company that I had, and I was full time uh manager of a commercial and residential building and husband full time trying to do all these things and figure this stuff out as I went uh was fun at different times, but looking crazy at other times. So there was a lot that I was going through personally in my own head and there was a lot that my wife was going through and our business partners, her parents, and there was a lot that was just going on in the building that we had, and at times it felt pretty overwhelming. Now I know that there are people that will listen to this to go out. Well that's that's nothing you should hear the ship that I go through and you're right, I should tell me. And we're all going through stuff. So there were times where I remember thinking, I'm not sure exactly how we're gonna survive this and how we're gonna build this thing or what the right next move is, but I just kept moving and trucking along and within about a year and a half, two years. Uh we were at a good ground. Um the business had recurring revenue that was not only keeping us all afloat but allowing us to grow the business. And at one point the wife and I took a trip out to Portland Oregon for a long weekend and three weeks later we're on a plane to move out there and there were special moments within that and the risk that we took to be able to do that And how we kind of burned all the bridges in a sense because it was just she and I going out there and it was just she and I together, there's no family or friends around because it was 3000 or so miles away. But there we went, we traveled out there and I'm still running the business trying to figure out how to bring in new sales and grow things and leaving a network that I had created in the philadelphia area to then start to do things a bit differently. So we get out to Portland Oregon and besides the crazy allergies I had for the first month and a half, I had an absolute blast. I mean look honestly we had three weeks without any furniture because the company that was moving our ship ****** up and just left it all in a building in Jersey somewhere and then they had to ship everything over to us and it just took a long time. But even at that point, you know, we just lying there on our air mattress we had bought from the Target down the street and the stuff that we took with us on the plane ride. And there were special moments that allowed us to bond and in those moments I think we started to figure out some deeper things about ourselves and what we were capable of and what we were actually kind of going through now years since then I understand that my wife and I were both going through some things internally that we weren't really talking to each other about and over the course of the next year that we were in Portland's and the business continued to grow in certain ways where we brought on new products and services and team members And new clients, we were losing clients in different ways because we were just changing things up and stuff was happening. Plus the clientele that we had were all small businesses. So if they were hurting one month they would typically pull marketing budget and you know, kind of same old, same old. But that did no good for my psyche because there were moments where I thought, and I think we had right around 50 people that were part of the team and there were nights where I just couldn't sleep because I thought if we don't sell more or if we don't save this client or if we don't have this thing happen then we're all going to die. And I remember thinking, you know that's a bit extreme. We're not all going to die, but the lives that these people have built within the company that's going to not look the same way and things are going to change and that thought of death was in my head. I remember saying it to people, you know, if this happens, we're all gonna die. And I had joked about that a lot, but there were times literally within that year that death was something that just kept creeping up because I felt so overwhelmed and had issues within my marriage that were being unspoken traumatic issues that I hadn't fully processed through from my previous businesses, high school grade school being a kid, no little Nicholas little little kid version of me was still deep inside ******* traumatized and have no idea what was going on or where we were going or how things are going to happen and I just kept ******* plowing on plowing on plowing on and thinking that I just had to hustle and just work through this stuff by just working and the more money I would make, the better it would be. That was not the case. I don't think that will ever be the case. I can't see how that could ever actually be the answer because it's not about being outside of us, it's about us being okay inside. And there were a couple of moments that were truly scary moments that I told family and friends later and now here in the public, but there were moments where I thought, you know, I could just go up to the top of the building and just jump and that would solve a lot of the problems that would at least solve my problems, and when I was thinking through that at different times, and found myself figuring out ways that I could kind of take care of things before I took care of me, I got to one point where I thought, all right, well, I'm either gonna jump or I'm gonna do something different. And I remember it sunk in and I was like, you're gonna do what or what? And it hit me that I was not only debating on whether or not to do it, but I was just about okay with it. And it was almost like, somebody outside of me, like a third perspective had said, that doesn't make any sense, you gotta look at this differently and when it hit me like that, and I thought I'm gonna either jump or I'm gonna do something different, I was like, oh, sh it, I don't want to jump at all, but what do I do? And again, that was one of those shifts where my head was down and then when I was able to bring my head back up, that that put me in a new direction and allowed me to start to look at things differently without hitting directly rock bottom or you know, the sidewalk next to our condo building. There were some friends that I talked to in those dark times that I had shed some light on what was going on and they were there and they were supportive in the ways that they could be thousands of miles away and those people had no idea exactly how dark it was because I wasn't allowing them to come in and I know that's something that I need to never do that again, I need to allow people to come in and be able to understand where I'm at and what's going on. So at one point, um we, my wife and I had decided to leave Portland to head to florida. She wanted to change careers and found an opportunity to be able to get into a new career in florida. And at one point I knew um all along honestly that we were going to end up in florida because that's where she was from and we had to go back every year for holidays and stuff like that, so I was okay with that great, cool knowing where my head was and what she was going on internally, I thought, man, this could be a great opportunity to get out of this space and I was yet again, basically running, trying to run away from the problem and not fully going through it and processing what was happening. So we actually traveled across country which was fantastic. We had such beautiful experiences going from Portland's Oregon all the way to the middle of florida and the sites that we had seen, the conversations we had together were great, but there were also a lot of conversations I had in my own head just driving along for hours and hours and hours and I think that time was very therapeutic for me to be able to spend some time away from being in all the craziness and ship that I was in and not being able to do anything besides drive and think there was no major moments that happened along that way of uh, you know, that stood out and was really like a crazy aha moment, There was just some processing that was, that was being done and then when we got to florida, I was with the company for another couple of months and ultimately needed to go, but it took another drive for me to figure that out. So when we were in florida, I have family in philadelphia and now that we were on this coast again, I wanted to be able to go back and see some family and friends. So my wife and I would hop in our suv, we would drive up, we would just drive straight through, we would set up a bed in the back because it was an suv and you know we would sleep one at a time so the other would drive and all that, we would just take the 13, 14, 18 hour trip, whatever it was, however fast we were driving and I had time to be able to think through what do I want to do now, what's happening? Do I really want to stay here? Do we need to do things differently? And I had already had conversations suggesting that we do things differently and I felt internally that I needed to go now to take a little bit of a step back. There were a couple of times in life where I call them, God nods where God's like yo you need to do this, you need to go this direction, well here's what's gonna happen and sometimes they aren't verbal or a feeling but it's just an innate warmth almost and I feel I'm okay and I'm gonna keep going. There was a moment back when I had the consultant company where I felt God had said you need to go and I left and that was what brought me to my mom's couch. There was a moment driving cross country that I felt, hey you may need to leave that company that was scary and there was a couple of moments driving up to philadelphia and then having conversations with friends and trusted family members about where my head was and what was going on with the company, not me personally as much, but what was going on with the company and it popped up again, Hey, you probably need to do something about this. So ended up praying a lot, thinking a lot talking to a couple other people and finally making the decision to be able to get out of the company and uh doing something different. But I took a couple of months, I literally took a bit of a sabbatical to just be and figure my stuff out because I felt like I was inches away from almost being suicidal again and I experienced this a couple of times now here I am in my early thirties, I'm going through this ship again. Like this just has to stop. So I took a few months to be able to work through that stuff. The first month, maybe the first couple of weeks was just enjoying florida and playing some music and just being and then I started to really get into what do I want, what, what's happened so far. And at that point I didn't realize that I had started to create a process for myself of all the personal growth and personal development stuff that I've learned over the years. I started to really piece this stuff all together to help myself figure out a plan to move on from there. What do I want to do, what, what really aligns with me, what makes me excited and I sat with those and I started to go through them and I started to write out what I wanted and what I didn't want and where I thought I wanted to be in a couple of years, got into meditation and started to really tap into my intuition and almost speak directly to God as often as I could to be able to figure out what has to happen next. And over the course of a couple of months I worked through my process and I got into a position with a company that was doing incredible things in technology and took me to a different level, made me really look at things differently. But it was because of the work that I had done to figure out what I wanted and where I wanted to go and what I thought that next step was going to be. And it ended up looking like the company that I was going to join life changed at that point because I had made a decision to not only leave my company, but then to join a different company and literally made triple the amount that I was making with my own company, more time, more freedom, There was a lot more pressure in a different way than what I was used to over the course of the past few years. And that pressure was different in the sense that I wasn't all by myself and we didn't just have our outsource group of team members and our smaller group in the US and we weren't just bootstrapping every single thing and I had to be around people again because for the most part I was basically just working out of my house in Portland or in Philly or in florida and to be back in an office again and to be able to people again was such an incredible thing, which here we are in 22 we're kind of experiencing a similar thing where now we're out, quote unquote peopling again and going to trade shows conferences, you know, in person visits and just being able to go out and hang out with family and friends again. So to jump a little further ahead because that's been kind of a bulk of a recap there. So I joined that company in 2018 and one of the coolest things that happened right off the bat is that the Philadelphia Eagles won the Super Bowl literally a couple of weeks into the new job and I took that as kind of a good omen. I'm like Jeez Eagles finally won the Super Bowl. Now I wasn't in Philly for it, but at least I was on the same coast and they beat the patriots. What a beautiful thing, Thank God for nick falls and obviously the rest of the eagles, but you know, so there were some great things that were happening right off the bat eagles, one, I got this new gig and I'm rocking around with it and really putting all of my energy into it as much as I can. But I'm still not fully done processing the ship that had happened from the past handful of years because there were certain things that I just flat out was not talking about, things that would come up in the back of my mind, things that would come up behind closed doors when I was alone, I wasn't talking about, I just kept pushing and kept pushing, kept pushing and kept sucking, pushing. And at one point it was pushed by it. I mean me and my adi was pushed so hard that I broke out in a rash from the back of my knees all the way up to my cheeks. I was covered and inflamed to the point where I couldn't move. I literally had to sit on the couch for about 2.5, 3 weeks and I was just burning. We went to different doctors and dermatologists and they thought it was just a reaction to something. One of the people even told me, well, whatever you ate in the past couple of days, um or put into your body or touched, just don't do that again. And I looked at them like you an actual human. And is there something actually wrong with you. So everything I've done recently, just don't do again because it could lead to the thing that you have no idea what's going on. Right, thanks. So I had no idea what it was, really have no idea at this point. I still don't know, I think it might have been some, I don't know, I could just theorize, but what I feel inside and what I felt in my heart while sitting there and flamed maybe a week and a half in was one of those God nods saying, yo calm down, stop, you need to go through the stuff that's already been gone through physically now, you need to go through it mentally and spiritually and process through it. So I took a little bit of a note with that, I slowed down a little bit that allowed me to actually look at some of the things that was going on, but I do a great job at talking myself in or out of different things that I want or don't want to do, you probably similar, you probably do the same thing that I do in that sense and it can get frustrating, especially when you repeat ****. So after the couple of weeks of burning and figuring out that I had, I had to just calm down a little bit the next year and a half, two years were great. We had a lot going on with with the company I was with and uh my wife and I had some different things that were good for some bad things that happened along the way. Um, you know, family members or pup got sick and you know, different things that happen in life, right? Just life happened. There was still stuff that was deep inside that I hadn't fully talked through, that we hadn't actually talked through. and then 2020 comes around and it's one of those forcing functions, just like when I broke out in that rash, tell me to shut the funk up and sit there and basically told the entire world to just sit there. You can't go out, you can't do anything. And I don't know how it went for you or the people that are around you. For me and my wife that gave us time to be able to talk about things that we hadn't really talked about. And overall we were great communicators with each other. I learned a lot from each other and there were things that We absolutely needed to talk about. And we started to have those conversations. I mean how can you not when you're locked in a 750 square foot condo. It's just me, her and two dogs and we both lived and worked there and had to figure out what we wanted to do with life. She ended up changing careers kind of early in the pandemic and during the quarantine and I started to think about things that I wanted to do differently and things that we may need to do differently now to take a little bit of a sidebar and this is full transparency. God, this is a lot of openness Right around the end of 2019, I was seeing a therapist and walking down the path of I think I need to get a divorce but I'm unsure and I would go back and forth and I spent months with my therapist and months if not years talking to specific friends and those of you who you know who you are, I appreciate and love you for that. And there was a time maybe about a month and a half, two months before we all went into quarantine where I felt, hey, this is it, I'm gonna, I'm just gonna call it, we gotta get a divorce, that's it. And I felt great about it. And then almost instantly after that I felt the complete opposite where I felt, you know what, you just need to love her, love her through it. Worst case scenario, you get a divorce and you at least loved each other through it and maybe that'll work out however, that'll work out best case scenario, you love her through it and you both earn a greater space together, deeper love closer, just all the positive things. So I saw really nothing wrong with that at all. Like worst case we end up making a decision and still loving each other through that and best case we end up making a decision and still loving each other through that. So I thought beautiful, that's exactly what I'm gonna do. Thank you for one of those God nods. And then when we got into the whole pandemic quarantine, that was in the back of my mind because that had recently just happened. I thought I'm just going to continue to love and continue to love, which allowed us to be open and communicative about some of the really tough things that we need to talk about. So over the course of the next year or so, we had those deep, tough conversations and divorce came back into the picture and I did everything I could to be able to love her through it now. Hey, you if you listen to this and um yeah, I'm talking to my ex wife if you listen to this, I love you, I loved you and I love what we had and I know that there's great things that are ahead of us and I'm proud of what we had done because to the entire audience here, we had dedicated communication and being open with each other even when it was really, really ******* tough. And when we needed to talk about things that we were afraid to talk about within ourselves and we stepped into those conversations, we loved each other through it. And by the end of it, yes, we did end up getting a divorce and that was therapeutic and healthy for us to be able to do that. Now I know that I've jumped around a little bit and if you're like me and your visual type person, maybe you're creating what these images look like and what these different scenarios look like in your head. So for the back and forth and the moments of like, hey, I'm gonna toss back, I hope the visuals in that sense are fun for you and I hope that I'm doing a good enough job to be able to help put those visuals together, so I'm gonna jump back again. So, since I had my consultant company way back in my twenties that opened up networks of people that saw what I was doing and we're interested in doing similar things and you know, people that I had made connections with, that I would kind of coach every so often or consult on different things for. So my coaching really started way back then, but I shied away from it. I shied away from being able to talk about people's uh issues and stuff that they're going through because I had my own ******* problems and I had no idea what was going on. So I had really been afraid to step into a coaching role or doing anything even like this podcast that was more open and vulnerable outside of the surface work that I had done because I was still going through and processing the stuff that I had internally now, look, I'll be honest, I haven't processed through exactly everything, but I know that I'm also a work in progress and that part of my healing is sharing and the more that I've been able to share with people that I've coached, friends, colleagues, people that I come into contact with, it seems to be helpful at times. And that's really what this is about, what I figured out, that my life is about really my mission statement in life that I put together a number of years ago seems to make more sense today than it ever has. My mission statement is to live a principle centered life, full of adventure and magical moments that inspire others to live rich loving lives. And when I wrote that a couple of years ago, literally during that sort of sabbatical, I intuitively wrote that, then I called upon God to be able to help me with it. And the innate wisdom that's in there. And each morning when I read that and I listen to my affirmations and I go through my meditations and I think to live a principle centered life that's full of adventure and magical moments to have a principle centered core. It's almost like not lying to yourself or anybody else and not having to worry about getting caught in a lie and just living principally centered again, I don't fully do that at all times in life because I'm ******* human and we all mess up, that's at least a path that I'm driving on and to live a full life of adventure and magical moments. I think adventure looks different for everybody. Your adventure might be hiking, mine might be a great conversation or a musical endeavor in those magical moments I truly believe are found in each and every moment. It's for us to be aware and understand what's happening around us. But we first got to be able to see it and understand that there are certain times in life that are a little bit more special than other times. I want you to cherish those. I look back at times of my life that I didn't really cherish things as much and I appreciate that I have those memories to be able to go back to those and some of those special moments are very magical moments and to inspire others to live a rich, loving life. That's part of the reason for this podcast and part of the reason for me sharing what I'm sharing. I want you to live a life that is beyond your wildest dreams. I want you to live a life that is rich, be it monetarily with family, whatever rich means to you and at the core of it all. I want you to know that I love you and I don't know who you are, but I love the fact that you're taking steps in the right direction and I would like to include that this podcast is the right direction. It might sound a little a little egotistical, I don't mean it to, but there's purpose behind this and there's a mission here to be able to help people and serve people and part of that is helping me and in turn I get to help others. So I appreciate you spending the time to be with me today and to be with us over these past handful of episodes. There's a lot more to come and I am so honored to uh to be able to share my story and the other stories with you. And really I want to say thank you for being here and thank you to everyone who's been on the show and overall, thank you to everybody who's been a part of this so far, all the encouragement, all the support and I'm not talking about just the podcast, but my life so far, I really appreciate everybody that's been there. You know, I also appreciate the haters and the trolls, I guess gotta get some love too because that fire has helped, it's been under my *** and kept me going and I hope that this podcast is something that keeps you going. I hope that there are moments that you listen to this that help you have a better day than what you were having and helps you to get on the right path with your mindset and this is an open line here. So if you have questions, you have concerns topics you'd like us to get into or anything you want to be able to open up about. Please feel free to reach out to us. Well, I feel like this is a good time to be able to close the book on this episode. It's interesting to think back through those situations and see those situations. You know, like watching that movie not actually living in the space, but watching the movie. So I want to thank you for allowing me to watch that movie again and to then be able to process through it a bit more and I hope you've enjoyed that movie as well. The purpose to this episode is to be able to share a bit of my background and shed some light on how I've gotten to this point to be able to have this show and I hope that you've enjoyed the show so so far and that you'll stick with us and I'm confident that I can speak for myself and the guests when I say that we appreciate that you have been on the journey with us for these stories and hope that these stories and our journeys can be a benefit and a blessing to your life and thank you again for your time today. And on that note, I want to take a quick moment for shout out of thank you's to trauma, past trauma. Thank you for giving the substance that we can get into and conversation and some ******* crazy stories that just make you laugh and can make you cry, but that's life, love it, hate it, whatever, stay here, let's keep rock and rolling with it and I hope this podcast keeps you moving. Remember your loved remember that? Please visit our website, the mindset and self mastery show dot com and check out the Youtube channel. So just go to Youtube and type in the mindset and self mastery show. We should pop right up and if you've enjoyed the episode today, please jump on Itunes or google or amazon or Spotify or wherever you listen to podcasts and give us some love, give us a five star review. It really helps the show be found and helps others to be able to hear some of the incredible stories that we get into and hopefully helps others live better lives and to be able to clean up through some of the stuff that they're going through in their minds. And again, thank you so much for being a part of this journey with me and thank you for allowing me to be open and honest and raw with you. So with that, remember your mindset matters and so do you